35 and Older Accountability Group

Yesterday i was very pesimist after my last relapse but at the end it has been a very productive day.

At this point I would like to suggest a book, it's called "Twelve rules for life" by Dr. Jordan Peterson.I found this man accidently on youtube, i think i was searching for addictions in general that day.He immediately drew my attention and i started searching more and more about him.He is a clinical psychologist and a professor of psychology at the University of Toronto and Harvard University at the past.His persona has been very controversial because of his stance against post modernism , neomarxism and identity politics but no matter your political background i am sure you can find a lot of help from him.

When it comes to self-development this book and this man in general is on the top.He is not going to tell you "you are the best, keep going", no he will not do that but he will do exactly the opposite, he will tell you why you are not the best, he will explain you that and he will show you the way to improve yourself.At this point there are thousands if not millions of people,including myself claiming they had gain help from him and his work.Those people may be opioid addicts, broken people who failed financially etc and i was really surprised when i found this community.
If you decide to take a look at his videos keep in mind that a single video or two will not be enough to undestand his ideas.He is not the guy that will tell you to do that, or don't that etc.He will take you on a journey with his words and he will make you think really deep about yourself and develop your own ideas based on his advices, so you have to dedicate some time.
His very intellectual way of communication through his speeches and his writings may prevent some of you from studing him so if you are not native english speaker or your can't understand english perfectly keep in mind that sometimes you may need a vocabularry near you.Thank's god when it comes to intellectual english many of these words have greek root so that was bery helpful for me, also i have to underline the fact that by studying him my understanding in english improved a lot.

If the last 7-8 months since i found out about him i made the slightest progress in my life (in general and not only on my pm addiction) i feel like i own a big part of that on him.He is the only one who actually managed to motivate me to start taking my life back in my hands and i think this happened because he is the only one who told me the trouth.
So, no motivation speeches from him, not "you are the best" bullshit..just motivation through trouth and knowledge.

If anyone in here has studied him, i would like to hear your opinion.
Have a nice day.

 

I have read the rules and would like to join this group. Is there a slot available ?

 

Thanks! Happy to be here on this journey of personal growth, for support and to support others on their path, to thrive and strive to be my best self.

 

Resetting. Not sorry about that. No P or M was involved. Had sex with my partner which was needed and nice. It's what I was building up to as a end goal after a reboot. happened earlier than expected and that's fine/good.

 

Welcome @Axel Foley !

 

Day 3, some triggers from facebook that i managed to control very easy so far...
My time is limited today so i don't see myself relapsing anyway.

 

Wellcome to the group Axel! Let's do it.

 

Starting to feel a little better today. I was way down the past few days. With me it seems like it takes a week for brain chemistry to begin repair. I know that with each day that passes PMO free, i gain that much more recovery.

 

Back in from the wilderness.

 

Welcome Axel

 

I suggest setting your counter to no P or M

 

I'm sorry for not responding here in a while. I've been having a good 9 day run. This morning I did do PMO, but it was for a good reason so I won't count it: my girlfriend and I have been unsuccessfully trying to have a baby for years now and are currently doing IUI treatments, where they manually try to inseminate her in the hospital. I had to M in a hospital room in like 10 minutes, so I had to use a few minutes of a certain scene to get my head out of the weirdness of the whole situation.

This is now the third time we've done this and the last two times it led me to a relapse outside of the treatment environment. As soon as I catch myself watching things at home I will reset, but for now I'm keeping my count.

 

No way that should be considered a reset.

Good luck making the next few days. I imagine it could be as difficult as a reset to deal with. Good luck with the baby!

Maybe too personal to ask, so don’t feel compelled to answer... Why not put a ring on her finger if you are trying to make a baby?

 

I was a bit confused by your first scentence: first I thought you were saying "No way! That should be considered a reset!", so telling me I'm doing something wrong, but then I concluded you were agreeing with me after all

And haha, good point about the marriage part...
Actually we have this weird, rocky relationship where one moment we're very much in sync and very happy and the next moment we're in a huge fight and not speaking for days. For years I was thinking we'd fall apart any day. Not the best environment to try and make a baby, you might say... but then we also keep coming back to each other. I don't know. Quite often I think I should ask her to marry and it might add some foundation under our relationship, as will having a baby. And then I start to doubt again if that wouldn't be a huge mistake. It's a mess, in short.

 

My husband and I are in the same situation. Fights that last for days and then a great connected intimacy. We married after 13 years of relationship for bureaucratic purposes only. I don't think the legal stamp is what necessarily gives your relationship the foundation; in fact, its the back and forth, where you test each other and get to know each other more, that is the true foundation.
Having said that, maybe the challenges that brought us here to this site, have part to do with our respective relationships?- Am not going there

 

Haha yeah that’s what I meant.

Counters should only encourage more positive behavior IMO. Choosing to create life is positive. That’s why I also suggested going to a PM only counter for where your at @WorldWanderer

——
I’m still in a huge tailspin
My wife is dealing with health problems that will have ups and downs but ultimately will probably lead to being physically debilitated.

I have always pushed that truth away from my thoughts but it’s true. If she isn’t in a good place to be able to have good sex there isn’t any desire to “take care of” me. She feels like it should be a good mutual thing and she can go without sex so I should be able to as well. I’ve been married a long time. I don’t that’s going to change for our relationship. Occasional “help” maybe but that’s going to be it.

I think the knowledge I’m eventually heading to a largely sexless life has always sat heavy in the back of my mind, but I can’t dismiss the idea any more. I love my wife and if that’s what it is so be it.

COVID, reality that my 80% pay could easily turn into a lost job as this drags on, and sadness at the end of the world as it was all push me towards maximum diversion right now. The job market for what I do is non existent right now.

I need to shake out of it and deal with the new reality. I need to stay active. If you can name a problem you can face it and I’ve named mine.

I’ll probably check in 1 or 2 more times today. I’m just in a really bad place with PM and need to get focused to get back on track.

 

Ah, the difference a comma can make.

 

Hang in there buddy. That all sounds pretty dark, not gonna lie. But there's always a way to make things work. Keep up the fight.