Scared of having sex

1st and most important. Keep your problem to yourself, at most tell them to your closest friends or family. Never told them to a girl you like, she can be super comprehensive about it but at the same time is a super turn off for her. Only share this heavy stuff maybe to your wife or a couple of years girlfriend.
Is like applying for a job and in the interview tell them that you usually can't get out of bed easily so you are probably going to be late at work repetitively.

Keep up with nofap, and try to have sex when you feel you are confident to have an erection, i think that 1 month of nofap could be a good moment. In the meantime, if she wants to have sex, just tell her that you are not ready yet. If she stick with you then great, if not let her go. Don't have sex with her just to not get dump, if she is as comprehensive as you think she is going to be ok with waiting.

Another thing from a physiologic point of view, if you say no to her to have sex she is not going to be used to get rejected from the boy she is hanging up. That is going to set you apart from the rest and is going to make her want you even more. Is probably that she is going to force you to have sex at all cost, she could maybe take it as a personal challenge. Girls loves a man who is a challenge. Stick to your guns and only have sex when you think you are ready. Good luck!

 

Just chill and stay away from porn.

 

From my experience the key thing here is to stop with the PMO. As long as you stay consistent your natural sex drive will return. As noted by another this could be as short as one month but it could also be longer depending on how intense you porn use is.

If you stay clean and continue to engage with the girl, you will know when you are ready. Because your erection will occur from just being with her. A hug or a kiss will be enough to get your blood flowing. And this will improve the as time goes by. Chances are you may surprise yourself.

Most guys will have a flat-line where you loose all interest in sex at some point. This seems like a normal occurrence also, I find it best to embrace the flat-line, a lot of healing occurs during this time. And you feel a lot better at the end. However while you may not be aiming for intercourse, don't avoid sensual contact because you are not ready for sex. I find being around a female you care for, and hugging, cuddling, kissing etc. allows you to adjust back to normal sexual stimulation.

Also, I would stay away from masturbation even if you feel to with out the aid of porn. I find this leads you back to porn. And secondly your hand desensitizes you to the feel of a vagina. Your hand is course by comparison to the inside of a vagina. This can also lead to reduced stimulation during intercourse.

If you stick to no PMO, you will be moving towards a normal and healthy sex life. Good Luck bro!!

I kick myself when I relapse because it is a set back but I also recognize all the good that occurred during the time I was porn free and this is motivation to continue my Journey. The key is to never give up and to adjust so you do better and better all the time. Longer and Longer streaks until you are simply porn free.

 

I haven't visited this website in two years and and today I decided to swing by just to see how the community is doing. What you've said ^ above had me spend 15 minutes just to remember my account password, all so I could share my story with you. Dude, I've been in your shoes.

I've spent my entire college career as a virgin (hence the username lol), even though I hooked up with multiple chicks (7 maybe?), all because of porn induced ED. It was always the same story, I date a chick, bring her back to my place, get ED, then apologize and send her home. It absolutely destroyed my confidence, and built a negative feedback loop where I couldn't have sex because of ED and I couldn't get an erection because I was afraid of sex. The problem has gotten even bigger than with just PMO alone. I even pushed away girls who were obviously into me because of this problem. In short, 5 years of fun was wasted lol ...

Many folks in this forum won't agree with how I fixed my ED, and I am not saying this is the most natural way of fixing this problem. But it worked for me, and it was relatively easy and saved me much misery and embarrassing moments. Here's how you can approach it:

1- Build up a nice streak with NoFap, anything will help, just stay away from PMO. You need to rewire your brain to crave real women again, and your dick needs to regain sensitivity from all the beating you've been doing.
2- Get Vitamin V (Website won't allow me to state the drug name) - This was the KEY for me. Experiment with the drug before actually using it for sex. Just pop a tab, then go run some errands, notice if it has any effects on your random erections, or see if you can get an erection when thinking about your girl. If you're dick is working just from thinking about her (and thinking about sex with her), then good. if not, don't sweat it.
3- Take a tab 30 minutes before sex, and go to town. My ED problem was solved on the first try, but I couldn't finish the first few times I had sex. It took about 10-20 tries before I finally got myself to come.
4- Give it some time, get comfortable with your performance, your sexuality and your girl, then start reducing the dosage. Take a half tab then a quarter.. until you stop needing to use it.

This what finally got my sex life going. I've also found it helpful to adopt the mindset of always seeking to please my partner, and not focus on my own satisfaction, it made me selfless and much better in bed. I've also used that initial desensitization to my advantage to last longer in bed, and really focus on the girl I'm with since I know that I won't be coming anyway.

Best of luck with your lady my guy. And be responsible with any medication you decide to take. I'll be online for a few days in case you got any questions

Edit: Spelling and grammer

 

So I don't know if this is pointless to comment on one month later, but I think anyone going back should see a different point of view. I disagree that this kind of thing needs to be kept to oneself, especially to the degree that was said here. That secrecy can have the effect of worsening the sense of shame that can come with porn addiction. Porn and its effects should be something people are more comfortable talking about with others (whether that be friends or sexual/romantic partners), not a stigma to feel ashamed of and fear ever having to fess up to abusing. Now, I'm definitely not suggesting you throw up your hands and yell "WAIT. STOP. I'M A PORN ADDICT!" the moment you get intimate with this girl or any other. But if your difficulty with sex becomes so apparent as to be awkward NOT to address it, then for god's sake just do! Just say what you're going through. It doesn't have to be that big of a deal. If they laugh and judge you—well, that should tell you more about their character than it should discourage you from ever opening up about it. You're the one that's brave enough to be honest about a problem that you're working on, and that takes a lot. Who knows, they might even respect and be attracted to you even more if you know your boundaries, are able to say no to sex at first, and they see that you're mature & responsible enough to be working on improving yourself.

Hope things are going alright @bigwillyman69 . Stay strong!

 

Fully agree with this I've had similar experiences. I could get turned on kissing and playing with a girl but as soon as it came to sex I was so nervous and the negative feedback loop would just kill me.

Using viagra helped significantly and I would definitely recommend it if you're in that anxiety negative feedback loop. Be honest with your girl, and make sure you keep up nofap and try to dial back on using viagra when you can.

 

my advice is to get a blowjob from her... no joke.. and then move towards sex simple.. you'll have no choice but to be erect my guy.. givin your still on a streak stay strong and appreciate how good she feels tell your mind how good she feels and if those invasive negative thoughts try to creep in your mind tell em to fuck off I'm banging this girl I like and it feels awesome

 

bro if she says she wants to do it he'd better man up.. you just gave him Beta advice. and he told her already which means she wants to fix his problems (which is awesome) just don't beat and stay positive and in the moment..

 

If you have anxiety you won't get hard even while you are receiving the blowjob from her. And even if you do, the erection will decrease in the interim between moving from her mouth to her vagina. The advice you gave here is straight up terrible.

 

you don't kno how he will react dummy your not him don't tell him how his Jimmy works.. only way he will kno is if he gives it a shot.. don't be a beta bro it's all in the mind

 

I agree actually. Although I have had negative experiences like many of us. I dated a girl at the end of last year and we only had proper sex twice. She was so sweet and so understanding, as well as incredibly patient lol. I did end up confiding in her about my PMO problem and my desire to stop (she initially sort of laughed it off and said “how can someone be addicted to porn?”) but in hindsight I think that was a poor decision on my end. I was basically making an excuse for my ED with her. She gave me a few BJ’s and that usually got me hard but I could never maintain it long enough to get inside. It was like my mind taking a needle to a balloon and popping it, leaving me soft and feeling utterly pathetic. I was still PMOing at the time of course, so I wasn’t really solving my problem - more like shoving it under a rug and running back into the arms of “Tinkerbell”.
Going forward, I’m going to keep this issue to myself. At least in the beginning. I have told one person and they’re helping me through this, but I won’t tell any new girlfriends, and not just because I’m afraid they’ll laugh about it. It’s personal and it’s my struggle to overcome. But I do think I’ll be open with the next girlfriend about being bashful in bed and that it takes some time for me to feel comfortable. I’m going to start with holding hands, cuddling, etc. This is how I was able to have a 2+ years long relationship from 2016-2019 with a girl, at the height of my PMO ironically. Just took some time to warm up to her in the beginning. No shame in that.

 

overall STOP BEATING.. and you'll be fine.. it's a confidence thing NoFap will give you more confidence to stay in the moment.. jacking just makes your heart and mind go nuts smh unless your good at psyching yourself up really well, your gonna fail every time!! and fail is like the green light for backsliding.. stop going backwards and get your asses in gear.. btw I'm day 3 of NoFap after 21 days.. relapsed after I had sex with a chick I met

 

definitely. This time around I not only quit watching porn but bating too. 28 days in and not looking back. Had a wet dream about that crap the other night so had an “involuntary release” I guess you’d call it? Lol technicalities. Either way.... I’m curious - are you considering the “sex with a girl you met” as the relapse, or you had sex in a random encounter and then relapsed with porn shortly after?

 

Had an awful experience where I had a really hard time getting it up. We had sex twice and all I got was a semi erection. But if a girl wants to have sex with you it usually means she likes you a lot. Dont be too worried if it is bad at first. It usually get easier when you learn to relax. And dont PMO. That ruins your sex life. Cant be combined so dont go there.