35 and Older Accountability Group

The last months i am starting to consciously noticing the triggers and the erges when they come.Maybe i was doing that before but i wasn't completely aware of that or i was just giving into to them.I understand what you are saying, we need to train our mind to noticing and ignore them.It looks a long way but we have nothing better to do.

 

I am noticing a patern here.Both you and @discovery talked about how we need to train our brains on that.And i agree with that.The only problem for me (and i think for most of us) is that it's easier to train your brain on a relapse cyrcle than a NoFap streak...
It looks like the instant gratification and the habbit factor are playing a big part here and most people find it difficult to notice the long term benefits.Even if you are on a streak it may take days to start noticing the positive outcome of nofap.

 

It is different for each of us.For example i think having sexual experiences at the past could be very helpful for people like us who most of us are in our 30's+ and with some experience in our back.I feel sorry about the younger people who most of them are going into this shit from a very young age without having real sexual life though..
Usually a 90 days streak is a good start but yet again you can't consider yourself clean after this.I think this addiction will always lurking around.The good think is this is only psychological and biological addiction so you can learn to resist on that.

 

Excellent, excellent post. I love the part where you say that Step 1 is being a functional addict. This is so true. It's one thing to want to beat it so that you can live a more fulfilling life, and yet something completely different when you do it to try to glue yourself back together after losing everything that is important to you. Back in the day, I PMO'd in some risky situations at times that could have gotten me fired or even worse. And it wasn't even for the thrill of the risk, it was just because I needed to have my fix. It is not something I am proud of. I am just eternally grateful that I didn't get caught.

And congrats on finishing your book!

 

thanks! It feels good. I’m revising it now and will be sending out queries to agents soon. It feels good to accomplish something important to me no matter how it goes.

Congrats on the continued progress. 90 days again is huge!

 

Just a quick post that I think I've reached and possibly past 20 days of NoFap from PM...I just saw someone post something about porn chat rooms and could feel the desire to investigate what this is but I'm choosing to ignore it, focus on something else and forget about it and keep my streak going.

Good to be part of this group here

 

Cool thanks for the clarity. I definitely don't have PIED and have never had thankfully...but still determined to get rid of porn on my life and know I need a lot of support for this. Interesting to hear about the link between huge cravings and low mood....I can certainly relate to that and when the huge cravings have come on in the past I just have not been able to stop myself. But I'm on day 21 now and feeling determined to get to 30 days then 40 and hopefully to beat my record of 63 days and keep going

 

Yeah it's for sure easier said than done. The harsh reality though, in my opinion, is that you cannot trade porn with other sexual things (edging, masturbating, fantasies) and expect to re-boot. You have to trade it for something asexual. That's how, in the long run, we rewire our brains. Otherwise we'll always be living on the edge.

This is why we have to practice like it's a skill. Each urge that pops in your brain is an opportunity for practicing the skill. And remember, every urge will end regardless of what direction we go with it.

 

That's it exactly! You've already won.

Thanks man! This is a big deal for me as it is the best I've ever done on pure monk mode.

 

90 Days PMO free is a great achievement. Nicely done. How do you feel?

 

Nairobi desert? Anyway
all the best with this fight

 

I was thinking a little earlier about what I said about keeping it from your senses. No touching yourself and no looking. Practicing this is what helped me with the long streak I had. I have been trying to figure out where things went wrong and why I have had such a difficult time over the past few months. When I was on my streak I would engage in fantasies - I'd lay down and close my eyes and fantasize. It wasn't near as strong as sensory stimulation and it would go away on its own after a bit, but this could be one the things that led to relapse. My plan going forward is to practice nipping any fantasy in the bud. Maybe this will help rewire the brain a little quicker. I've had a good few days and feel pretty motivated right now.

 

Today is day 17. Slowly getting back to sort-of normal. Urges are glimpses in my mind now. However, i am tempted to listen to hypno. I have to be honest about this.

 

@discovery Congrats on passing 90 days. Impressive.

Checking in early on what I hope will be an easy Monday. Over the last few days, I think that I have been through what @GottaBFree calls "storms". It's been a steadily increasing series of urges. I'm really worried that I'll give in to something relatively innocent and things will spiral from there.

 

Wise words. Unfortunately I suck most of the time. I'm lucky I'm pretty smart and good at what I do. I can cover for almost anything. My career keeps getting better but...i know I'm throwing away my life. I just spent 4.5 hours with chat rooms. And I think on top of that there was another few hours early today.

 

At 3am on 7/20/2020 I will stop using chat rooms. Tomorrow I will work without them. I want to feel good.

 

Me too. Most of the jobs where I PM'd didn't last very long - mostly because they were shitty jobs - and I always wonder if it's true that I never got caught, or if people did see me but just never said anything about it and didn't have to because I never saw them again later. These kinds of memories can really trip me up sometimes, like I wasted so much of this life already that I don't know if can atone for it ever. But I guess trying nevertheless is the only option.