45 days ....benefits.

greetings
I am a porn addict , on hardmode nofap , its been 45 days that I have NOT masturbated or looked at porn

why am I doing this ?
I have been watching porn since I was 12 may be , I don't remember , but since last 4 years I was jerking of 2-3 times a day , which took a heavy toll on my health ...like?

-hairfall
-weak eyes
-bad skin
-digestion problems
-anxiety
-depression
-low self esteem
- low confidence
are the reason to name a few
the most important is my digestion problem , it is for this reason I came across nofap and decided to give it a go

now , in my last streak I came across a mountain of withdrawals , I must tell you that they will break you , be prepared for it , they will punch you in your face and you will not be able to do anything

my withdrawals
- heavy anxiety (I have a history of anxiety but this was something else. just like a panic attack 24/7 )
-heart palpitations
-insomania
-paranoia (over eveything)
-no concentration
-it is this time when I developed HOCD because of my anxiety and paranoia - just random thought of what if I was homo and boom HOCD came crashing on me (never watched any homo thing , never was attracted to same sex but still , you know it when your mind makes you a fool)
-etc

benefits in these 45 days
- better skin
- better energy in gym
- better voice
-better concentration
-better focus
-better eye contact but still long way to go
- less anxious (about 40 % less)
-less HOCD thoughts (about 50 % less) WOULD BE HAPPY TO LEARN FROM YOU GUYS
-Less depression
-want to achieve in my life , previously I just wanted to jerk off and watch porn nothing else , my life was sorted


now a question , PLEASE HELP

sometimes I feel I am on flatline and don't have any urge to even think and look at my crush (which confuses me a lot ) and sometimes I fantasise about my crush , my future with her , how can I get her , how can I connect with her on emotional level and it floors me

my question is - is this normal when I don't have the urge ?? and also when you don't feel horny
it makes me think as if something is wrong with me , why don't I feel like fucking , why don't I want to have sex.
I know it is because I was heavy into porn and was just thinking about sex all the time

is it normal to not think of sex every time , every second of the day ? if I don't it makes me anxious as if there is something wrong with me
please help and guide TIA

thanks
regards

remember

BEING CLEAN IS THE ONLY OPTION YOU HAVE RIGHT NOW