Jagliana's Journal | An S.O's perspective

DAY 901: 07/16/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Routine.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, he gave me the trifecta and it felt so good. Last night was great overall, we watched a few really funny comedy specials and just let our minds (and bodies) decompress from the last few days.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “How To Deal With And Rid Yourself Of Inner Conflict", in this episode, Freddy Fri shares his thoughts on how to deal with inner conflict. Remember, when the inner conflict ends peace begins.

This morning, on our drive to run an errand, we began listening to "The Power of Vulnerability" an interview with Kerri Walsh Jennings, on Impact Theory with Tom Bilyeu. Kerri Walsh Jennings is an Olympic volleyball legend who embodies greatness. Not only that, but she is also as open about her insane ambition as she is her insecurities. Despite being part of a team that won 21 consecutive Olympic matches losing only a single set in their 11-year-run, she obsessively studies how to raise the bar again and again. She talks about the continuous process to get better as an athlete and a human. So far, we heard them discuss the source of her drive even in moments of negativity, she shares how winning the bronze defined part of her journey and she touches on living with and learning from her insecurities.

I was in a much better mood today than I have been in the last few days. Everything Wade says to me helps, of course, although I have a difficult time really believing/computing it. Don't get me wrong, I want to believe it, I want nothing more than to feel that he only has eyes for me, no matter who is around, but I just can not, especially when I visualize the differences between myself and 'them' -- I understand exactly why he would prefer them. Anyhow, I spent most of the afternoon as he slept, on the phone with Priceline trying to figure out the travel stuff, which was a total clusterf*ck, sigh - but what else is new?

When he wakes up, perhaps we will watch some more funny stuff, because I am sleepy and I need something to wake me up lol.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Minor triggers, but got through them easily.

#Video
Inner Conflict Struggle

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Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 902: 07/17/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Having someone to talk to.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, although he thought he would be too exhausted to give me a back rub, but did it anyway, which I am appreciative of. Then we continued watching the Backstreet Boys (fan since forevvveeerrrr) documentary "Show 'Em What You're Made Of". We analyzed it to the brim lol, but it was a good thing because we have both been through the wringer with addiction/healing and it seems some of them have been/are going through it as well. Then Wade left for work.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Unlock Your Potential To Get The Most Out Of Life", in this episode, we hear an inspiring message on how to unlock your potential so that you can get the most out of your life. Remember, it's you and only you who holds the key to your true potential.

This morning, we finished listening to "The Power of Vulnerability" an interview with Kerri Walsh Jennings, on Impact Theory with Tom Bilyeu. Kerri Walsh Jennings is an Olympic volleyball legend who embodies greatness. During the rest of the interview, they discussed, examples of greatness and the essence of being great, what the next phase of her career looks like, and the impact she wants to have on the world. It was raining, so we walked at the mall for the first time since March - how insane! some stores still had Easter sales posted in their windows! but we were glad to be there, as surreal as it was. We discussed a bit of the interview, then I told him all about my ordeal yesterday - between dealing with the cruise line, my kids, and my mom; what an overwhelming mess! I am so grateful that these days I have someone to speak my truth to, instead of holding in all of my resentment and letting it slowly kill me from within.

Hoping for a peaceful and quiet day today, as I am still super tired and only in the mood for sleep.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
No triggers!

#Video
How Do You Unlock YOUR Full Potential?

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---------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 903: 07/18/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Walk.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, as much his knees were hurting (I am assuming, based on how he was navigating), he still gave me the trifecta. I am grateful for it, of course, this week has been especially rough on my body and mind, for various reasons. Then we decided to continue rewatching the MCU in order, we began Captain America Winter Soldier. While we were watching, Wade paused and was so giddy about the fact that we can both watch this together, be excited, find the humor in it, etc. Just him expressing that joy, in the way that he did was so cute to me lol, just adorable. He is right though, we do have a lot in common, especially geek stuff, it is nothing he ever has to be shameful of - like for example, my brother does because his wife thinks it's childish, stupid and makes him go to the movies alone. I am glad we can experience all this stuff together, it just adds more content to our shared experiences.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “15 Things There Is No Need To Apologize For", in this episode, Brainy Dose gives us a list of things there is no need to apologize for. Remember, apologies aren't meant to change the past, they are meant to change the future.

This morning, we began listening to "If You Ever Experience Anxiety, Try These Tips to Overcome It" an interview with Seane Corn, on Women of Impact with Lisa Bilyeu. Seane Corn overcame OCD and severe anxiety, not to mention drug abuse, through yoga and spiritual practice. Now she is part of the revolution of the soul, practicing radical healing, conscious action, and guiding people to self-awareness. During this interview, she shares her history with trauma, explains how to identify and change the stories we tell ourselves, and describes how she healed herself with yoga. So far, we've heard them discuss her history with OCD, anxiety, and drug abuse, what caused her to move away from drugs and towards yoga, what kept her going when yoga at first made anxiety worse and then they discuss trauma and the misconceptions surrounding it. She makes a lot of good points here.

We also discussed how stressed and depressed I am, just thinking about this afternoon. The weather is finally hot enough for the pool again, but because Wade worked the night before and has to work again tonight, he has to sleep first. That means we would only be able to go in the afternoon... on a weekend. I really want to go because I love the pool, generally speaking. The last time we did that, one of our neighbors (massive trigger for me) showed up in a bright orange bikini, with her ass cheeks hanging out - just for his viewing pleasure; more reasons to feel "lucky" as he once proclaimed about her when we just moved in. Just the fear/possibility/uncertainty of her showing up again is haunting me and hanging over my head. It has got me in such a state of panic that it has already been pre-triggering me since morning, although she (or any other potential prime) may or may not even be there today. All of this depresses me because as much as I want to go and enjoy the pool, I (sadly) feel like the safer solution would be - to just stay home and avoid the risk altogether, and that whole mental dialogue right there KILLS me and robs me of simple joys. Sadly, it is a common occurrence as well, for various events, perhaps not at this scale but often times the stress of going into something and thinking 'how bad will I get triggered at this party' or whatever, really puts me at a point where staying home feels like a much better idea. At this point, I don't know if I am going or if I will decide to stay, but so far, all I know is it is really giving me a lot of stress, especially when my mom and kids keep bringing up "pool time today!".

Ugh.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Although I was getting retriggered about the pool, I handled some new triggers on the trail as best as I could.

#Video
15 Things You Should Never Apologize For

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---------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 904: 07/19/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Wade.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, he gave me a lovely trifecta and we continued watching Captain America Winter Soldier. Time sure seems to be flying by, especially as we watch this for some reason because just as soon as we started, it felt like we already had to stop because he had to go to work.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Why Ending The Pursuit of Perfection Leads To Happiness", in this episode, we have a great message explaining why ending the pursuit of perfection leads to happiness. Remember, strive for progress, not perfection.

This morning, we 'finished' listening to "If You Ever Experience Anxiety, Try These Tips to Overcome It" an interview with Seane Corn, on Women of Impact with Lisa Bilyeu. Seane Corn overcame OCD and severe anxiety, not to mention drug abuse, through yoga and spiritual practice. Now she is part of the revolution of the soul, practicing radical healing, conscious action, and guiding people to self-awareness. During the rest of this interview, she talks about the connection between mind, body, and soul, then explains how to identify and unravel the stories we tell ourselves, and then she advocates confronting your own participation in oppressive systems. Once she began rambling, she lost both of us - just as Mel Robbins had in her interview. Overall, when she stuck to the subject of anxiety, trauma, and healing it was good when she veered off course it began getting frustrating for us.

Today there is pool weather again, I ended up going yesterday. Luckily, our neighbor did not show up - so I was able to enjoy myself and be present for my family. We ended up having great progress with our little one and she began swimming without being held, all of us were excited. As we were about to leave, Wade had a premature victory lap about the triggers, because as we were packing up to leave, a trigger (younger girl) did show up. Thankfully, we were on our way out already. I HOPE today will be a good evening at the pool, but my hopefulness does not take away from the second half of my brain that is going haywire just thinking about all the possible triggering scenarios that can occur. For now, I will try to keep myself busy and maybe that will be able to distract me enough (keep my anxiety down) until Wade wakes up.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
No triggers at the supermarket.

#Video
Ending the pursuit of perfection

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---------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 905: 07/20/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Walk.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, we finished watching Winter Soldier and began Age of Ultron as he gave me a foot and hand rub. I wasn't really in a good mood, and as much as I tried to ignore my own thoughts, they just kept resurfacing on and off. There were a lot of people at the pool because our dumbass building manager allowed people to bring guests on weekends now. So, more people = more potential triggers. Of course, there were plenty of triggers... in and out of the water, and from all angles. Wade kept trying to 'distract' me (or himself) by telling me how he thinks I look good in the swimsuit, "I love you's" etc. I've told him that when I am triggered, it does not work well - all I kept thinking was "yeah, sure, but I bet you like that chick and how she looks in her swimsuit a whole lot more, you just can't express it". Like, I don't know even know if I believe him on that subject on a good day (not triggered), but when I am triggered and there are triggers still in my line of sight - it makes it all so much worse. Then the unbelievable drain of having to fake being 'happy' or 'okay' for my kid's sake, man that takes so much out of me.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Focus On Yourself Not Others To Be The Best You Can Be", in this episode, Law of Attraction Coaching reminds us that to be the best you can be you must focus on yourself, not others. Remember, stop competing with others, and start competing with yourself.

This morning, we forgot our headsets, instead, we just walked and talked about random topics. We talked about the high chance of continued distance learning and how difficult all that will be, especially for me - trying to get our eldest ready for HS. Then he told me about his night at work, talking to his coworker about dieting, exercise, and cooking. We also discussed some of the videos I had sent him to watch, again about body types and eating/exercising for your body type. When he wakes up, we might go to the pool today, but I just don't know how I will be feeling.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Practically no triggers on the trail.

#Video
How to Build Confidence and Self Discipline

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---------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 906: 07/21/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Hug.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, Wade was still in a bit of pain and skipped the back rub. He did give me a nice foot and hand rub as we continued watching Avengers Age of Ultron - we missed a lot of stuff the first time we watched, so it was interesting to hear/pick up on the Easter eggs. Our eldest became a 'woman' last night, so explaining all that to her was fun............ lol I don't recall my mom having to do so much for me, but it is what it is, I'm glad this occurred while she is home and not in school.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Why So Many People Are So Unhappy", in this episode, Matt D'Avella explains why so many people are so unhappy, and how not to be one of them. Remember, don't let people pull you into their storm. Pull them into your peace.

This morning, because my dad had to go to the doctors, we skipped everything and Wade went with him there. He did run upstairs and hug me, which was so sweet, although it was rather quick. My mom came over while they were at the docs, forcing me to stop what I was in the middle of... sigh, anyhow. When Wade got back, he began his guitar lessons, he decided he wanted to learn a new skill, so I bought him one. I hope he is happy with it and sticks to it. I hope today is going to be a peaceful day because it seems that starting tomorrow it is going to get hectic between my dad's appointments and his own. Oh, and my mood has been shit... because my birthday is coming up and I'm feeling that, and not in a good way... kind of depressing. Sigh.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Stuck at home, so, no triggers! ha.

#Video
The Reason Most People are Unhappy

---------------------------------------------------

---------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 907: 07/22/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Routine.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, Wade was exhausted, so he skipped the trifecta. We began watching Ant-Man, the next movie in our MCU marathon. Then we went to bed, but neither of us got much sleep, just one of those nights.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “The Key Setting Up Powerful Habit Triggers", in this episode, Brendon Burchard, from Brendon.com talks with us about the key to setting up powerful habit triggers. Remember, don't let habits become handcuffs.

This morning, although I had to skip exercise due to pain and he had to drive my parents to the doctors... I did most of my morning routine anyway and that felt great. This morning, I listened to (while the kids kept busy) "Watch Out For Who You Surround Yourself With | LOOKS & HEALTH" an interview with Amber Caudle, a.k.a Chef Amber - the founder of The Source Cafe, Alina Brown - a nutritionist and holistic health youtuber and Jen Esquer - a doctor of physical therapy and the creator of the mobility method program. , on Women of Impact with Lisa Bilyeu. Overall, the interview was your usual/generic 'be yourself and that's all you can be" but there were some good points to take out of it. For instance, when Lisa was describing trying to change her mom's health/attitude about it (because she was severely overweight) but was getting nowhere by nagging her about it. We all know, you can not change people, they have to want it themselves first and foremost before they'll have an open mind in order to actually take in your advice and suggestions. She said, "my mom was severely overweight and I would just try and get like give her product, throw money at it - like; I'll hire you a private chef, you know, anything you need and it just didn't work and then we started impact theory and worked on the mind and it was all going back to what you said, Alina. Like I used to try and push her; 'mom come on, be healthy mom, be healthy!' and then I just stopped. We started impact theory she started watching our content and she chose herself to make that switch because she realized the value in herself and she made that mental switch that allowed her to lose 150 pounds, you know, but it all starts with that mental thing." Throughout this discussion, they cover why the word ‘health’ does us a disservice, the power of accepting who you are, not who you want to be, how to switch your self-talk from negative to positive, why you need a ‘why’ in your health journey, how to actually shift your habits, the importance of having balance in life, why you need to take responsibility for your health, advice for navigating health information on the internet, and the tools you can use to learn more about your body.

I hope today will be a calm, drama-free day... for myself and Wade, who is with my parents for a long car ride to and from ... plus hours at the location, yikes.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Home again, no triggers!~.

#Video
The Power of Habit: Setting Up "Triggers" to Sustain Habits

---------------------------------------------------

---------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
---------------------------------------------------

 

Thank you, I appreciate the kind words.

 

DAY 908: 07/23/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Walk.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, I was triggered earlier in the day, so my mood was off and on all day. I won't go into it, we discussed it. He pampered me to the nines; nails, hair, foot, and hand rubs - I loved how everything came out, he did too. I appreciate how much love and dedication he puts into this, like nothing in the past, the outcome makes me look/feel special. We finished Ant-man and moved onto Dr. Strange.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Be On The Lookout For Fake Friends", in this episode, Freddy Fri has an important message on the need to be on the lookout for fake friends. Remember, fake friends, are no different than shadows. They stick around during your brightest moments but disappear during your darkest hours.

This morning, we both felt like the tasmanian devil came through once my parents stopped by, so much noise and chaos. Once we got into the car we ranted a bit, then we listened to "How to Make Your Negative Thoughts Serve You" an interview with Susan David Jennings, on Impact Theory with Tom Bilyeu. Susan David a Harvard Psychologist explains a way out of this self-destructive internal conflict. She explains how to use your “negative” emotions to connect with your core values (which you can learn more about by taking this quiz here: http://quiz.susandavid.com/s3/eai). She also discusses the dangers of focusing on being right, the power of self-compassion, and the importance of emotional agility. During their discussion, we learn that emotions are data but they are not directives, how we approach our thoughts, emotions and stories determines our quality of life, what do you do when you realize the stories you tell yourself no longer serve you, how do you uncover what your emotions are really trying to tell you, technology has outstripped our ability to thrive, how our minds can convince us that we are right, even if it destroys our relationships, she describes the process of recognizing our emotions and stories for what they are, being seen and belonging are core human needs and success is living a life concordant with your values. Overall, this was a good, informative interview and I think it provides good insight on mind over matter and the fundamental need for proper communication. It opened up a nice discussion for Wade and myself.

Then, our little one really wanted to go to the pool (for the last few days), so after our walk in the mall, we took her. It was PERFECT! nice and warm, oh, and NO TRIGGERS because nobody was there!!


_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Triggered a bit at the mall, but managed to get through it.

#Video
Avoid Bad Friends | Daily Motivation Dose

---------------------------------------------------

---------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
---------------------------------------------------

 

Thank you, I hope being about to put it all into words/vent will really help you, as it has for myself.

 

DAY 909: 07/24/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Breathing Exercises.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, he gave me the trifecta, although my mood had been soured and I was opposed to it - he convinced me and yes, it did feel good and relaxing, but I am just tired of the nonstop drama, from all angles. Then, we finished watching Dr. Strange and began Guardians of the Galaxy, the next movie in our MCU marathon.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Pushing Yourself To The Next Level: Leaving Your Comfort Zone", in this episode, Steve Harvey and Mel Robbins speak about pushing yourself to the next level. Remember, you will never know your limits unless you push yourself to them.

This morning, my parents had a doctor's appointment, so we could not walk. Instead, we spent the morning tidying up our place, getting ready for my birthday and his parents visiting. Then, depending on how the weather plays out (rain or not) we will probably go to the pool before he has to take a nap.

I HOPE today will be calm, with LESS NOISE and peaceful.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
My hair is still looking fly.

#Video
DO NOT ACCEPT A LIFE OF AVERAGE - Push Yourself To Do More

---------------------------------------------------

---------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 910: 07/25/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Walk.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, he gave me the trifecta and it was really soothing for my aches and pains. I appreciate it, still can't get used to this... him just doing these things without me asking or begging for it once in a while - things have really changed, for the much, much better.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Get What You Want: How It Is That You Always Do", in this episode, Alan Watts explains why it is that you always get what you want. Remember, everything that comes to you is a return of what has come out of you.

This morning, during our walk, we began listening to "Why INTERMITTENT FASTING Burns Fat FASTER" an interview with Dr. Ian Smith, on the Ed Mylett podcast. Dr. Ian Smith is one of the most well-known Doctors on television and #1 New York Times bestselling author. You have seen Dr. Smith as a host of the tv show “The Doctors,” Good Morning America, The Today Show, The View, Rachael Ray, etc. So far, in this interview, they have a detailed conversation about “Clean Eating“ And “Intermittent Fasting “ and Dr. Smith also debunks what he calls the “myths” about weight loss programs like keto. Something Wade and I both really appreciated was when Dr. Ian gives the secret of 70/30 and why the best way to reach your goals include truly enjoying your life along the way. Both of us agree with this method of life in general because we constantly beat ourselves off when it comes to having a cheat meal or whatever when we shouldn't if, for the most part, we've been on track and changing our lifestyles.

Both of us agree that we are in a very different place these days, aside from triggers and mishaps here and there - we are better off now than we ever were before. We are taking care of ourselves, supporting each other's journeys and putting our relationship first, having shared experiences where we are both present, and actually paying attention to each other and whatever we are doing at the time. He also pointed out that he knows how I am dreading getting older (my birthday is tomorrow) but to think about the fact that we look, feel, and are better than we were when I was turning 25. He is right, I still vividly recall when we walked into my obgyn's office and the staff said "omg! you guys look great, it is like you are going backward (age/appearance-wise)" and how good it felt.

As I work myself up to the potential shitshow we could be facing at the pool today, a weekend... I am going to try and calm myself down through heavy distractions.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Triggered a bit, but worked myself through it.

#Video
You Always Get What You Want

---------------------------------------------------

---------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 911: 07/26/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Walk.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, Wade gave me a lovely trifecta, my body has been extra sore these days and I think I've finally figured out why and it's proof I am getting old! LOL. So, I got these diving fish for my kids (for the pool) and we've been playing, so I throw a fish into the deep end for the eldest to go get... and it finally hit me, that is why my arms are killing me!! haha, I played football growing up, this never happened, sigh.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Overcoming The Negative Voices In Your Head", in this episode, The School of Life has a fantastic message on overcoming the negative voices in your head. Remember, once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you'll start having positive results.

This morning, we finished listening to "Why INTERMITTENT FASTING Burns Fat FASTER" an interview with Dr. Ian Smith, on the Ed Mylett podcast. Dr. Smith is one of the most well-known Doctors on television, you would have seen him on shows like The Doctors, Good Morning America, The Today Show, The View, Rachael Ray, etc, and he is a #1 New York Times bestselling author. We both really enjoyed this interview, the information he gives is really good and for free. Like a sound piece of advice: always drink an 8-ounce glass of water before any meal, it will expand your stomach (bloat) and then you will have less room for your meal, which means you will eat less instead of overeating. During our walk, there was one trigger at the start, I tried really hard to distract myself with my phone/conversation with Wade, however we both noticed her. Luckily, shortly after she vanished and we did not bump into her anywhere else.

Today is my birthday, Wade left me some thoughtful gift(s), a beautiful Little Mermaid statue (my fav princess), a dress that I'll now wear for our dinner out, and a sentimental handwritten letter. I loved his gifts and am grateful for him, and the man he has become, what a difference. My little one ran into my room at 5:45 am, to ensure that she was the first one to tell me Happy Birthday, it was so cute. Later this evening we plan on celebrating... his parents are coming over, for the first time since we were all put into quarantine. I'm super nervous and we will all be taking extra precautions to be safe(ish). I hope dinner will be mellow, drama free, and easy.


LOL!

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Got past a decent size trigger.

#Video
Overcoming Bad Inner Voices

---------------------------------------------------

---------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 912: 07/27/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Nature's beauty.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, a birthday trifecta! lovely as usual. We spoke on and off about the day and dinner, both our dads are so loud and do not know when to just shut up, it's annoying. Otherwise, it was a nice birthday, of course I would have rather been out with just Wade or at the Zoo or something, but whatever. For the most part, it was a rather drama-free day and that is all I really wanted for my birthday.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “To Achieve Your Life Goals You Must Focus On Making Progress", in this episode, Les Brown talks with us about making progress toward achieving our life goals. Remember, slow progress is better than no progress.

This morning, Wade had to work and go straight to bed after. So, I went to walk myself and I listened to "Raising Kids in Crazy, Challenging Times" an interview with Jo Frost, on Women of Impact with Lisa Bilyeu. The world’s most recognized parenting expert, Jo Frost, has spent years providing real, authentic, unfiltered advice as The Supernanny. During this interview, Jo Frost shares honest and powerful advice for us parents struggling with the coronavirus pandemic and its lockdowns and quarantines. She explains how to set boundaries, how to talk with your kids about COVID-19, how to deal with anxiety and worry, and how to shift your own energy when it starts moving in an unhealthy direction. Some topics they go over are how can parents talk to kids about the coronavirus when no one knows all the answers, the importance of keeping a routine going even during isolation, ways to ground your family, Jo strongly advocates not making things more complicated than you need to, keep your ego in check, reach out to your partner, and take individual quiet time, how to shift your energy when you feel it start to go in the wrong direction, how to set effective boundaries, the methods parents will need when kids start reentering society, how to talk with teenagers about staying physically isolated, and how you cannot make your kids happy all the time. At first, the weather was decent but then it turned ungodly as if someone set the oven to 1000 lol. It was still a good and brisk walk, I was considering taking the day off and then it hit me, "why?" and I quickly got ready to go.

Today is definitely a pool kind of day, but because of my dads appointment and Wade having to take him, that ship has sailed. Hopefully tomorrow we will be able to go for a dip.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
No triggers on the trail.

#Video
DO NOT ACCEPT A LIFE OF AVERAGE - Push Yourself To Do More

---------------------------------------------------

---------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 913: 07/28/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Patience.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, he gave me the trifecta and it was great, listening to music soothes me even more. Then we watched some Dry Bar Comedy and it turns out, one of the comedians who seemed very familiar, turned out to be an act we saw on our last cruise! funny.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “How To Stop Procrastinating And Get More Done", in this episode, Art of Improvement gives us some useful tips on how to stop procrastinating. Remember, life is a competition with yourself, not others.

This morning, well, it started out great, we were about to turn on something to listen to... but when I asked him if he had picked a restaurant/made a reservation for my birthday date night/celebration with just us two, for tomorrow evening - he said, "not yet". I lost my shit, I thought wow, how typical - I even did all of the legwork and sent him a list of potential places last week! Like, we are in the middle of a pandemic, 50 percent capacity in all venues, and only outdoor seating - so reservations are scarce and required. Instead of booking right away to assure there is space, he waited, until the last night to try and get a reservation in. His excuse (as usual) is that this is his personality, how he was raised, he doesn't think of the potential issues that could arise and assumes he could call last minute and everything would still be ok. Well, to me, I see it as - him not really caring about this dinner or spending the night out with me, for my birthday - especially when he knew how I was looking forward to it AND I had been asking him about it for a few days now. If this been something he was truly excited about, he would have gone above and beyond, planned/called ahead to make sure that there would be a slot for us at the restaurant, last week. To me, actions speak louder than words. You can tell me you love me, that you feel so lucky to have me in your life, but if you can not make a two-minute phone call, ahead of time, just to be certain this night would happen for us... kind of has the opposite effect of those very words. Had the tables been reversed, I would have made the reservations asap and rest easy because I had made sure our plans were all set, because I know how much he was looking forward to it and wouldn't want to risk the chance of there not being seats available. I lost my interest in going, he still wants to try calling and going, but even if I do say 'fine' to that because I do not really care anymore, it will definitely not be the same. I will be going with a bad undertone for the whole evening, given how I feel about his actions leading up to this. I wouldn't be focused on or care about celebrating much of anything. I'd just be there to eat quickly and go home. Any excitement I had, wanting to put on the dress he got me, feeling pretty and enjoying myself - all that joy is now gone. Even, the simple thought of us finally being out for the first time in months, just us two; a date night -- all of that is now - 'meh' and pretty irrelevant (not how it would have been, had he shown me that he thought about this, me, the importance of this date; aka, took care of everything right away). If I go, I would just be running the motions for his sake only, the good ole' fake it till you make it scenario from my end. My mind would keep looping that this date/"birthday dinner" was not high enough on his priority list, to be given much thought or consideration until the very last minute, where he was just crossing his fingers and hoping for the best; instead of ensuring everything was good to go. This is how I feel about it, this is how my perception is, I know he does not like when I am disappointed in him, especially these days, and he kept trying to make his case that his actions don't mean he doesn't care or want to go just as bad as I do, etc... but at the end of the day - he dropped the ball here; especially when there were so many options available to him - ie: asking me to do it, because he is so "forgetful", or setting a reminder on his phone, or even considering the fact that because I was bringing it up so much, that it must be important so 'let me just call now'. It is what it is, he still wants to go and hopes my mood will change by tonight - but I don't know if he really grasps that even if I do agree to go - it will be equivalent to him going alone or with a mannequin, I wouldn't even bother dressing up because I no longer consider it a birthday dinner date, it'd just be a regular dinner - not a special occasion.

We got home late, so I don't know if we will go to the pool, as much as the little one wants to and the weather is perfect for it. He told me to wake him up, but I don't know if I want to, not-for-nothing, I don't want him drifting off at work.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
I learned some breathing exercises that help, a lot.

#Video
This Strategy Makes It Impossible To Procrastinate

---------------------------------------------------

---------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
---------------------------------------------------

 

Precisely, one can only have so much patience, especially when they do not ask for much. You are right, there is a lot of history that piles onto situations like these and I do not like it - at all.

I will think about it, I need time to sit with my feelings though.

Thank you for seeing where I am coming from.

 

DAY 914: 07/29/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Advil.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, he gave me the trifecta, for the most part, we were silent and just listening to music... I needed that. I was not in a mood for anything. He wasn't either and felt he was too distracted to go to work and so he called out. It had been a really rough day and night.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “The Advantages of Living A Peaceful and Quiet Life", in this episode, we hear about some of the advantages of living a peaceful and quiet life. Remember, the good and the wise lead quiet lives.

This morning, we drove down to the store/mall for our walk, we needed to return something. In the car, we began listening to a Jay Shetty interview, but we didn't finish it, I will post about it in full tomorrow. My head has been pounding all day, we spoke about the reservation issue (for my birthday) some more, he continues to have his side of the story and I continue to have mine. I do not think we will ever see eye to eye on this topic, either way, I won't be setting myself up anymore, no more expectations - life will be a lot better that way. We went to the pool, there was some drama with our eldest and she didn't go... ironically Wade and she were going back and forth, to me, they were both acting the same - it was uncanny to witness.

I am tired, angry, overwhelmed, m brain feels like it is overloading, I think I will end it here and just go take a nap.

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For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
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For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
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What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Didn't break completely apart.

#Video
In Praise of The Quiet Life

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Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
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