Can't stop

I hear you brother, I'm in the same boat as you are. So far turning to this forum in times of difficulty can be really useful. I wish this website had a live chat functionality though and people in the chat room that could offer support immediately. Even seconds matter with PMO. Admins, any chance we could have a live chat added to the site?

 

i rang a escort but said to myself i am not going to do this did i relapse

 

This sounds like addiction, I also had a long time (for me it was many years) when I never stayed sober for more than twenty eight days.
Of course I don't know, only you can know if you are an addict. We have some checks we can apply to our histories to add up evidence of potential addiction. For me things that make me think I am an addict are an ability to completely (or even a little bit) stop when I really honestly want to. That sort of thing may be more important than details of how many years, which particular behaviors, etc. For instance the fact that I tried many ways to stop and they did nothing and the fact that I set boundaries crossed them reset them and then crossed those, these are things that helped me accept the idea that I might be an addict.

 

Can addict stop? I am not think about it now but the moment I see nice picture of nice girl on ig it sparks my brain up

 

I am an addict and I have not had to act out since 3/12/13. I sure hope there isn't a limit, I think it can be continued as long as I am willing to do what works.

 

By the way "what works" varies. Me I am a real sicko I need strong medicine but a lot of people find other things that work. Sam like you I get sparks in my brain from seeing images or real people, there is a solution. I haven't yet called an escort but in active addiction it was just a matter of time and if I act out again I'd probably blow right past that boundary in my first time back

 

How do you relapse? why? what triggers you? are you just horny? or you are sad so you want to "get away" from that feeling? do you use internet a lot? lots of us who are porn addicts are also internet addicts. Don't use internet at all one whole day and you will feel different. Make a list of benefits when you don't PMO and when you have urges see why you must not relapse. What are your hobbies? do you go to gym? walk with friends?

 

you are on 500 day does that mean you havent PMO?

 

great job my man!

 

the emergency button..or just read this:

A list of all the bullshit you tell yourself before you relapse.



I relapsed today. Here's a list of the bullshit we tend to tell ourselves before we relapse, and why it's bullshit.

1.) I'll just P without the MO!

No, you won't. You'll just P for 4 hours straight until you finally can't resist touching the bulge in your shorts. Voila, relapse.

2.) I'll just see what's new...

There's nothing new. Nothing. "Oh, look, it's shot from a slightly different angle." "Wow, that girl has BROWN hair instead of blonde!" "Wow, that guy's dick is big!"

There is literally NOTHING new. Nothing worth any of your time.

3.) But I need to jerk off to get to sleep!

No, you need to exercise, stop drinking coffee after 2pm, and maybe take a sleeping aid or drink some chamomile tea. There are a lot of different ways you can get yourself tired.

4.) Hey, I've been on a long streak lately. One look/MO session can't really set me back all that far, can it?

Yes, it can. First off, there's the chaser effect, which will make it a hell of a lot harder to get back on track. Second, you know for a fact that you're going to feel like shit the whole rest of the day, at least. Third, if you start the cycle of self-hatred again after you realize that you broke your long streak, you're likely going to binge. Hard.

And honestly, binging is the only real thing that will truly require you to COMPLETELY start all over again, from square one.

5.) The urge is just too much!

Cold showers. The more you hate the cold water, the faster that urge will disappear. Stand under some truly COLD water for maybe 30 seconds, and your urges will be gone. Feeling cold for a little bit and then feeling great for hours is a lot better than feeling hot for a little bit and feeling like shit for hours. Take your pick.

6.) My goal is NoFap, not not using porn!

You are a porn addict. You masturbate TO porn. That's like an alcoholic saying "My goal is to not get drunk, not to not drink at all! I can just drink a can..."

Not everyone who does porn is a porn addict. You are. If you want to stop PMO, you have to get rid of the P first. You don't overcome a porn addiction by looking at porn.

7.) I just need to get it out of my system...

The only thing you'll be getting out of your system is your sense of productivity, confidence, energy, and focus.

8.) I'm such a loser. Who even cares?

Right now, your brain is doing whatever it can to get you to come crawling back for your fix. "Hating yourself" is literally just an excuse to keep doing porn. You don't even realize you're doing it, but subconsciously, you'll tell yourself just about ANYTHING if it will get you to watch some more porn.

Basically, your brain is throwing a tantrum so it can get what it craves. It's like a spoiled little child who's used to getting whatever it wants right away. Good parents say no to their kids and ignore the tantrums. Bad parents give into those kids' demands, and those kids grow up to be spoiled little shits with inflated senses of entitlement.

Show your brain who's boss.

9.) I just want to make sure my dick works!

Your dick works.

10.) I'll start beginning next week!"

Overweight person: "I'll start working out on January 1st for my New Year's Resolution!"

We all know how that turns out.

No, you'll start now. You've been putting things off for much of your life, and a lot of that can be attributed to you lack of motivation thanks to porn.

11.) I'll just start off slow and maybe masturbate only ____ times a month/week/day...

Alcoholic: "I'll just start off slow and maybe get drunk ____ times a month/week/day..."

Sounds like bullshit, doesn't it? That doesn't mean that relapsing twice in one month vs. twice in one week isn't progress, but if you consciously set out to do porn sometimes, you'll NEVER get rid of your addiction.

12.) I want to see how much bigger my orgasm is now that I've waited ____ days!

Yeah, your orgasm will be bigger. So will your crash down to earth afterwards when you realize that you blew your streak and that you're all alone with nothing but a screen in front of you depicting a man/woman/cartoon character/hentai/whateveryou'reinto who will never meet you and will never even know your name to keep you company.

13.) I've reached my goal of ____ days! I'm cured! I can watch porn without becoming addicted, now, right?

If you're excited about the fact that you can "watch porn now" because you're "cured", then you aren't cured. You're still addicted. Keep at it.



Well, that's about all I can think of.

Remember that you have an addiction, but your addiction is not who you are. You already have more control over yourself than you think.

Today, I relapsed because I didn't force myself to take a cold shower, but the fact remains that I could have taken one. And if I had, I wouldn't have relapsed. Period.

Keep at it, everyone.

 

I have a problem. I'm addicted to interracial porn ( since the last 3 years )

If I see a black man and a white women ( in movies or tv or videogame ), whether its flirting, talking or in couple, I get aroused...

Its hard to beat, since nowadays, Its more common to see that everywhere.

The other day I was playing a game and then during one of the cutscene, a black guy comes in. It automatically reminded me of the interracial porn videos I was watching on pornhub.

I did the usual, cold shower, long walk. Later I got calm but I still relapsed ( I also blame the cheat meal I eated: chocolate bar )

Are you guys also addicted to something as omnipresent? I could really use an hand here.

 

Hey -- I feel you. I have a fetish for athletic girls so anyone in gym clothes, any work out videos are possible triggers for me, adverts with volleyball players. And I live in So Cal the fit girl capital of the world. And I myself workout a lot and go to the gym regularly (or did before covid) so my trips to the gym to get away from my addiction brought me in close contact with the same women IRL who trigger it. Now when I look up vids to find workouts for me to do in the park there's always a vid with some cute girl in yoga pants demo-ing the exercise so why not watch that one, right? Its tough but when you stumble onto a trigger accidentally (genuinely accidentally) just stay strong. Every time you say no to an impulse to relapse you are getting stronger. Stay the course. Trust me its worth it.

 

Thank you for answering back, it helps a lot. I had to share that weird fantasy of mine somewhere.

 

Sam: sorry for not responding got so long, for me Today is day 2969 without having had to use any form of pornography, any form of sex with self or partners other than the spouse. I call it "no pm+".
To everyone who night be listening: there is a solution. We can go past just knowing that were not the only one with this specific problem into having a specific solution. Finding people with the same problem feels good but so does pm+! We need more than temporary relief, meeting similar people online is not the same as a long term recovery it is a good first step but changing attitudes held for many years takes practice.