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I don't know what to do with my life and i am the master of procrastination

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Mr. R, Jul 28, 2020.

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  1. Jul 28, 2020 #1
    Mr. R

    Mr. R Fapstronaut
    NoFap Defender

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    Hello good reader who decided to read and thank you for that.

    Intro:
    Me: 27 years old, Heavy PMO addict since i was 13, living in my parents house and working on a job that wont motivate me and i hate it.

    Because of my PMO addiction, my teenage years were mostly very unhappy - no relationships not so many friends. I was awkward and target for easy bullying.
    My only interest was just working out in the gym and PMO and somehow get this shitty school over with.

    I was very social and happy before my PMO, which started when we moved out of neighbourhood into land to a private estate, where i had no one to play with - that got me going more into computer games and eventually PMO.
    I had crooked teeth and it made me very sad and embarrased of my self, and i seeked even more escape from PMO.

    I went on to work and live in some other towns for 2 years in my country but my PMO addiction threw me to my knees when i discovered i have ED with a girl and was watching some horrible porn shit. I decided to look into my problem and went to nofap and had some failures but approaching my 90 days. I feel even more depressed, lonely, anxious and no motivation for life at all.

    I don't know what to do with my life. I've read ton of self help books, mapped out some things i like in life, but when i feel i wanna do something i don't have any motivation or desire to do it. Everything seems so pointless and not worth of trying. Even moving out from my parents house and starting some business - Even though i saved a good amount of money already, but then i can't almost save no money if i move out(rents are very high)

    But because of the sacrifice and living below my means for alot of time to save up money i am afraid on spending it anywhere, because of the possibility of failure and bankruptcy. But i don't even know what to do with my life and i am not motivated to even start it, because i also carry the scars for not socialising and not having friends and i would like to have them.

    Me now:
    Dwelling in shame at my parents house
    Job that i hate
    Unmotivated
    Depressed
    No friends
    No girlfriend
    Feelings of worthlessness because i still live alone, with my parents house and i am almost 30.
    Finding myself often lying in bed in the middle of the day and staring at the ceiling unable to figure out solutions and sometimes suicidal thoughts.
    Not wanting to try anything new.
    Afraid to lose my little capital that i've collected to some pointless endeavour.
    Procrastination and no drive in life are the biggest problems in my life.

    Also me

    Very athletic and above average man physically.
    Some capital 5k Euros in my back.
    Fixed my teeth so i can smile to people again.
    77 days of nofap and i never want to stop.
    Single
    No kids, no Financial liabilities.

    It could just be very long flatline because of PMO, or should i go to psychologist and get medications?

    I don't know what to do with my life and i am the master of procrastination.

    I'd really appreciate if you'd choose to share your thoughts and ideas or experiences in given topic.

    Best wishes to you all,

    Don't fall back to PMO - it destroys you from the inside.
     
    Mr. R, Jul 28, 2020
    Mr. R, Jul 28, 2020
    #1
  2. Jul 28, 2020 #2
    Deleted Account

    Deleted Account Guest

    I think if you can do the job well, it doesn't go against your morals, and you find that it doesn't hinder you time wise from going to the gym/reading etc. then it's worth keeping.

    If you manage to do your good habits, then being busy is good. That's an advice I've heard. And I remember seeing a small documentary on a man who used to be a drug addict, later opened a restaurant. Basically, he was saying the same. That he needs to be busy otherwise he gets thoughts to return to drugs. Easier said than done. But there's truth to it.

    Congrats for 77 days on Nofap!
     
    Deleted Account, Jul 28, 2020
    Deleted Account, Jul 28, 2020
    #2
    Mr. R likes this.
  3. Jul 28, 2020 #3
    n7elite30

    n7elite30 Fapstronaut

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    My Journal
    This is so relatable to me that it's scary!

    Like you, I'm:
    - 27 (well, my birthday's tomorrow so close enough)
    - living with my parents
    - unemployed and lost jobs because they weren't motivating
    - trying to figure out what I want to do with my life
    - single and not particularly enjoying it
    - wrestling with feelings of shame and worthlessness over all this

    It's hard and I just now realized how bad it's gotten so I just recently started working to fix it but my plan is this: take it one step at a time.
    Step 1: Make absolutely sure I am comfortable with myself and love the person I am. Dwelling on my past mistakes or decisions I regret gets me nowhere and only holds me back.
    Step 2: Start looking for the kind of job I see myself enjoying and, if necessary, get a smaller job to start building experience for the job I want
    Step 3: Move out of my parents' house into my own place.
    Step 4: Go out and do things in my free time that make me happy. Holing up indoors with nobody but my thoughts doesn't help anything. I won't meet any new friends or any potential dates that way. It will only make things worse. The way I see it, the more I'm around people who can see me enjoying life and will want to be my friend or date me.

    As for the motivation, the more you convince yourself you can't or don't want to, the worse this will get. Just take that first step out the door with no expectations or goals other than enjoying yourself. Finding something to genuinely smile about.

    Plus, you've made it 77 days without using! Do you know how awesome that is?? You're so close to the 90-day mark! That's a HUGE accomplishment! All you really have to do is take that first baby step toward all those goals and dreams you have. Then take the next step. Then the next and the next until suddenly you realize you did it! Hang in there, friend! We'll make it!
     
    Last edited: Jul 28, 2020
    n7elite30, Jul 28, 2020
    n7elite30, Jul 28, 2020
    #3
    Mr. R likes this.
  4. Jul 28, 2020 #4
    Mr. R

    Mr. R Fapstronaut
    NoFap Defender

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    Hey man!
    Thank you for response!

    I really gonna try figuring it out and do my step 1 and 2 this august, at the time of vacation and plan to do full internet detox to clear up my head and go travel a little.

    I had lots of relapses on my journey, but the last one was where i decided and i thought to myself: "i am not that kind of a man - i am not that kind of a man who jerks off while watching some other dude banging a chick on a video" and it helped a lot when urges kick back in.

    I highy encourage to watch all videos from Universal Man at youtube - he's a great man and lots of good info that gave me a strong reason not to encage in PMO again and relapse
    https://www.youtube.com/user/SacredSexualityVlog
     
    Mr. R, Jul 28, 2020
    Mr. R, Jul 28, 2020
    #4
    n7elite30 likes this.

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