My whole journey of ups and downs - (17 Months).

Pay attention, please because this can take a while, so grab a coffee and something to eat, as this is lengthy, but this is my 1 year and 5-month journey of really high ups and low downs.


I know there are people here like me.


Let me introduce myself first:

My name is Dawid.

I am half Polish and half Greek.

I am a 22-year-old. I am 5’8”.

I am still a student at Level 5 Teaching Course.

I am the owner of my own business called DC Sports Massage Therapist and have been for the last 3 years.

Soon to be competing at national (UK) powerlifting, with a great chance of becoming in the top 3 (Tested group, all-natural).

I have an incredible girlfriend (Hollie), we have been together for close two 2 years (anniversary on 1St August).


My journey:

By no mean was I a chronic PMO, from what I remember I watched pornography 3-4 times a week, which may not seem a lot, but it was every week, and that was a clear sign of addiction, I have stopped when I have PIED for the first time, 3 months into the relationship on our holiday. Long story short, I had to buy a blue pill to satisfy her, which I did, incredibly well but with the effect of that little blue pill.


Then I found about NoFap and this website and made the decision to stop (cold turkey), PMO entirely and after 2 months, the same thing happened on another holiday, and I was lost and upset extremely, as I could not satisfy my incredibly sexy partner.


After that, I have started doing research, why such a thing happened to me, and I have found that it can be stress-related and the fear of performing, and to that was completely correct, I was a degree student, with 2 additional courses, trying to get my business together, train and had a part-time job (roughly 20h a week), and I said to myself “No wonder why I can’t perform”, but it still made me feel less of a man and worthless and made me research more and what else I could change in my life to make it better.

These were the things that I have changed:

Stopped cycling and went to bodybuilding/powerlifting to increase my strength and therefore increase my testosterone naturally, knowing that I didn’t get any trouble with my erection when watching pornography I knew it would take my mind off completely, and it would do me wonders. It did, I got strong very quick, and I have put on loads of muscle mass, and it made me feel good. Relating back to the problem, it helped, however, I was not able to keep my erection for a long time, 10-15 minutes and it would go soft then with a bit of play it would be hard again, but me being who I am (perfectionist) it didn’t feel too good.

So I turned more into research why such a thing happened to me, and once again, physical stress and emotional stress, the anxiety of performing, at this point not only did I had more assessments to do for my degree, but my training got harder and more clients for my businesses started to hear about me and use my services, and yet there was this thought at the back of my head that I could not satisfy my beautiful partner, however anytime it happened, Hollie was never disappointed, and when she said it was simply incredible, and with tears on trickling down my face she gave me a massive hug and whispered to my ear “everything is fine”.

At this point there were ups and downs, really high ups and one of the biggest was 5 night holiday, and to say the least, each day and night we have spent substantial time in bed, multiple times throughout the whole holiday, and knowing how erections may not be able to stay hard for 30+ minutes, I was delighted with myself regardless. But from really highs come really lows, as many times I invited Hollie to my home, for less than 3 hours, I simply could not do it, as I felt there was a fear of performing and we had to go back to work, and we still had to eat, shower and get ourselves ready, and me I cannot do a quickie, because I love taking things slow and pleasure my partner and treat her romantically as much as I can.

A few holidays later, and many of ups and downs during them, I began to worry about myself, and I stumbled upon supplements, I have tried many in the past with little success, and done research about Black Ginger and Butea Superba, they are aphrodisiacs, so it would take around 2 weeks to get them into my system, but when it worked they worked amazing, my sensitivity increased, and the quality of my erections increased, but only during our holidays, which I wasn’t the happiest about.

When those two supplements have worn off, everything decreased, but not by as much as I thought, in some cases, no difference at all, but once again on holidays or when me and Hollie could stay in a home for around 5 hours or longer, and really at this point, I knew I was a guy that needs time to relax and settle into things, and when I got into it, everything was fine, even though sometimes my erections would go down, but after giving my girlfriend oral play, more kissing and her playing with my, it was back to normal.

This summarises my ups and downs the majority of my journey, however now, it is something different, and I am unsure what it could be, but let me explain as concise as I can.

Since January I have gone seriously into powerlifting, I have finished my degree and many other courses, so not only am I getting stronger and ready to compete at UK national levels (tested group – no steroids), and the stress from constant education is gone, except one course only (DET Level 5 Teaching and Training), but I feel good about it.

I have started taking new supplements and changed my diet to vegan, plant-based, and the additional supplements are as follow, which I have been roughly taking for 3 months, some longer:

- Creatine with Rhodiola in it.

- Fish oil.

- B-12

- Pycnogenol with grape seed extract.

- Amino acids.

- Electrolyte mix (Potassium, Calcium and Magnesium).

Before going to bed:

- Ground Turmeric with Black Pepper.

- Vasodilation juice (Basically opening up your arteries and increasing blood flow)

I also take 150Ml beetroot juice in the morning with 10Ml chilli oil. My diet is on point, I eat clean and not too much sugar, but once a week I will make a brownie with ice cream and whipped cream, and maybe pancakes in the morning, but other than that, I am getting everything into my system.

All the supplements are natural and are sourced from a shop that the owner has 30+ years of experience in supplements and nutrition, so I know I am getting a good deal and great supplements and one of the highest quality.

For the past three months I have been training roughly outside with my gym buddies for around 4 hours 4-6 times a day, weights and circuit at the end, but with all the help from these supplements, I don’t feel tired in my mind, but I know my body could be saying otherwise, but most of the times I don’t feel it, so I know they must be helping me, and I am getting stronger than ever before, and I looked at statistics, and with powerlifting training, I have a great chance of winning UK national powerlifting at my bodyweight and my age.

My recovery methods are acupuncture with my therapist that we exchange services, and I say if he can do something to increase my blood flow, as that is my main speciality that I research a lot into and in the past with the same therapist he was able to enhance my blood flow, so my erections have been enhanced.

Cold showers too, as the recovery is that much better and my nervous reacts that much better and sometimes at home, I have electroacupuncture which I tend to use 3 times a week, 30 minutes for my whole body.

In the same time that I have started to train (3 months now), I have been seeing my girlfriend one time a week, and I always invite her to my home, and we can stay together around 6 hours, nut before, we go on a walk and have a great laugh together. My performance is reduced; however, there have been days when I was just fine, but the training did not change at all, so not being able to hide my emotions, I am worried, and disappointed with myself, because everything else in my life is looking up and better than ever before, but that one thing in my life isn’t as excellent like other things, and I am worried, but my girlfriend isn’t, as she tells me this:

“Some days it is not your day, just like in sport, you can perform at your best, and sometimes at your worst, it just happens, your mind is saying yes, but your body isn’t, so don’t be disappointed.”

That meant a lot to me, but it made thing what could be wrong with me, is it the supplements, is it the training, or is it my thoughts that are killing me, like before, because as we all know, our mind is the most powerful thing, and could my previous thought killing my erections and making me upset and disappointed with myself, even though everything in my life is going well.

Could it be when I try to plan everything be wrong and thinking if I plan everything will go well, in the past sometimes it did, and sometimes it did not, so it feels like I am in this big circle of going back and forward, I know that NoFap means no masturbation and no sex and a lot of people, stopped doing both of those things for 90 days and fully recovered, but for the past 6 months, the longest streak was 10 days, that is because me and my girlfriend made love, sometimes very successfully and sometimes not, but regardless I have always made her reach climax orally or when we made love, and I always reached climax, and the NoFap journey starts from day one.

My main problem now is as follow:

It seems like I cannot keep my full hard erection when we make love, and that is frustrating.

I wake up without an erection, without the morning glory or morning wood, which is worrying me.

What could be the problem and how can I simply stop thinking about the past and have the greatest performance, I am open to anything, and please, please let me know.

P.S. If you got to this part, thank you so much for listening to me, and if you have any suggestion, a tip of what I could do, please let me know.

 

Update:
I have read about reverse kegals exercises, and these are working so much, I think my expectations about myself are incredibly high, but with work I will be able to get there, after all, I have always been a very nervous guy.