35 and Older Accountability Group

Exactly this.

And then I find that it's a challenge to break out of the sub-7 day cycle.

 

Sometimes I wish the counter was hourly instead of by day. I'm 40 minutes with no PMO! I'm on a streak.

 

Haha, yes, I know how that feels. This is way I also don't like to call the first day 'Day 0'. It's Day 1. The minute you've decided to start or restart doing NoFap, you're in Day 1. You've started and that's already a huge thing. So don't wait with feeling good about yourself until tomorrow. You're in a streak right now and that's amazing!

 

@merryterry - excellent point, I appreciate your perspective. From all of my AA friends, you should never think you're "cured". Once an addict, always an addict. So I'm focusing on logical brain here, the intellectual awareness you describe. It's like that addict brain is trying to fool me - "you're fine dude, relax" - and once you do, then the temptation creeps in and bad action follows. Just this morning I had a brief thought, a memory of what my addict brain would have me doing at that moment - heading for the PMO! The thought passed quickly, and then logical brain said - let's go to the site and reconnect to the resource that has gotten you this far. Thanks for your support. Stay strong everyone.

 

Checking in. Been away from the computer lately. Feels good!

 

You spoke about something that's been irritating me so much (even that it might sound silly to some), I cannot take calling the day that i relapsed in and then decided to quit PMO with day zero, it is DAY 1 and not zero .......

 

Tuesday check in. Waiting for the rains!

 

Yes, that's my experience too. I struggle a lot with getting past the 7 days - June and July were really hard like that for me. And then when I finally manage to make it further, I start getting cocky, thus getting ready to ruin my refound freedom by peeking.

 

I think this all depends on what your definition of 'day' is. For me, it means completed days. So I think of it as day zero. But for others, it could mean days that you have been working on the streak. So as soon as you start it would be day one.

 

Failed again, sad times.

 

For sure calculation wise you are correct, it's just that when i count day zero as day 1 it gives me the first push to move on and not keep binging, but the number zero makes me say anyway it's zero so let's binge here for sometime, it's just a mind trick to start moving on.

 

Hey, this is day 2 for me.

New realization: You can’t win unless you are ready to let go of pleasure. If PMO is good, it approaches some pretty giddy pleasure heights. The pleasure is what everyone is trying to repeat, but it is really hard to replicate (of course the secret is not to chase it but do it rarely, at least 10-14 days apart, if pleasure is what you are after). And you feel shitty because it empties you out and the novelty is gone. But if you can find novelty, you will probably PMO again and again, until you feel shitty again because the novelty is gone and you have one of those out-of-body experiences and you realize you’re pathetic.

setting goals like “30 days without PMO” does nothing. Telling yourself on day 0, “I won’t do this again” does not work. The work that needs to be done has to go much deeper. You need to confront your pleasure- seeking self. Nothing short of it will work. And this is scary!

 

@artifact I always thought of my self as a hopeless case, i failed almost more than a 1000 times to quit PMO, 30 days was a dream for me and now it's a truth for the first time in my life, all thanks are to you guys who are creating a community that each of us should use to quit for good, i'm not sure how far i still can go further than 30 days, as actually i suffered so much in them and it was not easy but i hope i can quit for good.

 

I really thought I could make it through the entire month. I was soo sure of myself when I started on August 1 with full intention of making it to the end of August.. so this reset feels more disappointing than previous...I just couldn't stop myself. Made it through 12 days, and that's an achievement to itself, and now starting over again. Consoling myself that if I only relapse twice all month, I should feel good about it...
Here goes day 0.....

 

Great points. I saw a video that basically said delayed gratification is a requirement for success. In the case of this addiction, the gratification is peace and a better life but it is very delayed and the only way to get there is to give up the PMO pleasure. We have to develop the habit of saying no to the drug and then doing something else.

 

Strong work. If you can do 30 then you know you can do 31, and then 32, and so on. Keep going

 

Here's a thought I have been messing with. The concept of sexual transmutation has interested me since I first heard about it. You can read a lot about it and some people make it sound like it's some mysterious superpower. Personally, I'm not so sure about that. I think in a general sense it's what we're all after - doing something else with our time rather than PMO or sexual fantasy. That "something else" though needs to be creative. Biologically, sex exists mostly for the purpose of creation I think, so taking that sexual energy and using it to create something else is the general idea. Doesn't need to be anything that changes the world, just small things. Learn something new, re-learn something old, practice an art, exercise, etc. Anything that creates something internally or externally that wasn't there before.

Obviously, none of these thoughts are anything new, we still have to face the reality that pleasure (as timber has said) has to be put aside for the purpose of work in another field. Anyway, right now I like the idea of thinking of it in terms of trading pleasure for some form of creativity.

 

totally! For me the trade off is pleasure for generosity. This includes emotional generosity in relationships and generosity in giving my time, skills, etc. The practice of denying myself and giving away gives me a rush of positive emotion.

 

It really is Day 0 when you relapse. It's how many days you completed. But, if you think of it in hours, it can make you feel better on that day. I'm on Day 0 but I'm 21 hours in so I'm almost up to 1.
It's like a baby. It's 0 years old so you can't months. Well, I'm a PMO baby right now at 21 hours.