Jagliana's Journal | An S.O's perspective

DAY 915: 07/30/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Walk.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, another trifecta with soothing meditation music, My brain has been on overload/overdrive and I needed this sort of relaxation/release. My back was feeling extra bad because I decided to look up some "exercises" for sciatica and I think I just made it worse, sigh. Then we finished watching Spiderman and followed it with a comedy special, which was okay but I feel like the comedian was using self-deprecating jokes a bit too much, it kind of switched my thinking from humor to feeling sorry for him, wondering how depressed and full of shame he really is.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “No More Tears Over People That Do Nothing But Hurt You", in this episode, Freddy Fri has a message inspiring us to shed no more tears over people and things that do nothing but hurt you. Remember, instead of wiping away tears wipe away the people who made you cry.

This morning, we finished listening to "How To Strategically Express Yourself & Take Criticism Positively" with Hasan Minhag on ON Purpose with Jay Shetty. Hasan is a first-generation American, he is a comedian, actor, and the host and creator of the weekly comedy series Patriot Act. Hasan shares that he was fired from every previous job he’s ever had, and the value of relentlessly trying new things until you find work worth doing. He reminds us of the challenges that come with making great art and to always be specific with the message you want to share. He had many good points, some would say 'wise beyond his years' - so this was a nice, lite listen, which I needed after the last few days I've had. As usual, our morning was hectic though, more back and forth with doctors, appointments, etc -- but after our walk we finally got things sorted *fingers crossed*.

We haven't spoken about the recent incident with my birthday/reservations anymore, I still don't know how I feel about it, it's still raw for me. We will try and go to the pool again today, hopefully without drama from our eldest this time. Praying for no triggers, I don't think I can take any more hits of shit at this point.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Minor triggers on the trail got past them.

#Video
No More Tears No More Pain

---------------------------------------------------

---------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 916: 07/31/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Netflix.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, we started working on our 750 piece Disney puzzle, which was fun and a change of pace. That was in between the trifecta, followed by a comedy special. During the back rub, we talked about our week and how overwhelming it was, frustrating but we still did not feel completely disconnected, which shows good promise. He told me about his feelings and that after reading one of my earlier posts, didn't understand why I thought we ended in disagreement, I believe I broke it down and he finally saw what I meant. I am proud of him, he said that although he was in a big emotional/situational trigger, it dawned on him that he did not have any urge to relapse, which gives him (and me) even more confidence in his recovery/progress. He is very secure with all of the lifestyle changes that have brought him to this point because without them he would break and need to numb out and his go-to would probably be PM. But now, he has other stuff to turn to and although it was an issue with me, neither of us blocked the other, we still found a way to talk and release our feelings to each other and we believe this plays a huge role in preventing relapses.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Dreaming Big Dreams: This Is Why You Must Not Fear Big Dreams", in this episode, we have a great message from Brendon Burchard on why you must not be afraid of having big dreams. Remember, if your mind can conceive it you can achieve it.

This morning, Wade is sleeping in because he has to take my dad to a procedure in the afternoon. I couldn't go for my walk because it was raining. I still got up bright and early though, so, once I got my little one situated, made some green tea... I listened to "How to Motivate People, Transform Business, and Be a True Leader" an interview with Simon Sinek, on Impact Theory with Tom Bilyeu. Simon Sinek achieved international fame with the TED Talk “How great leaders inspire action” and his first book “Start With Why.” Now he is expanding his discussion of leadership and delving into the question of what has gone so wrong for businesses and their leaders. During this discussion, he goes deep into the subject of his newest work, “The Infinite Game.” He shares that most leaders don’t understand the infinite game they are in and how our current business climate creates poor leaders, how to change that climate, and how to build the clarity and courage necessary to lead with an infinite mindset. Some of the subjects they go over during this discussion include prioritizing people over revenue and profits, he explains why prioritizing employees end up leading to higher profits, why you can’t incentivize performance, he explains that leadership is a lifestyle and that it ought to be ethical, he describes the importance of a 'just cause' and how it differs from your “why”, why we have poor leaders, how to become a good leader, the willingness to make profound strategic shifts to advance, he advocates exhibiting empathy towards whoever is closest to you and they also discuss finding the language to describe the infinite game and he advocates being the leader you wish you had. I love Mr. Sinek's thoughts, opinions, and values, I wholeheartedly agree with his principles - which makes listening to him so enjoyable. I know he leans towards business, leadership, etc, however, I believe the skills and recommendations he gives could work just as well in your personal life. Being a good leader is a character trait, so once you have developed it, you can apply it to anything in my opinion.

Now, I plan on having a peaceful and calm morning, because I am sure my nerves will be unraveling in the afternoon.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Managed to get a video in and some research too, all before 8 am.

#Video
Am I Dreaming Too Big?

---------------------------------------------------

---------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 917: 08/01/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Undisturbed Sleep.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, we worked on the Disney puzzle some more, it's fun but a little frustrating because this is a cheaply made one, the cuts are off and difficult to place. Never the less, we are still doing it and making the best of it. Afterward, we began season 2 of 'The Umbrella Academy" and so far, I'm enjoying it. He gave me a lovely hand and foot rub as we watched and then I went to bed, he headed out to work. I actually slept through the night, the first time in a very long time.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “The Benefits of Silence: Why Silence Can Often Be Very Powerful", in this episode, we have a great message on the benefits of silence from our friends at The Life Formula. Remember, meaningful silence is always better than meaningless words.

This morning, during our walk we listened to "If You’ve Ever Felt Like A Disappointment, Watch This" an interview with Aileen "Lavendaire" Xu, on Women of Impact with Lisa Bilyeu. Aileen Xu, the creator of Lavendaire, describes herself as an “artist of life.” She helps people design their dream life and embody their best self. And she knows all about how difficult the process can be, given that she had to embrace her own creativity over the objections of a family that desperately wanted her to pursue a conventional life of middle-class success. During this interview, she explains how to find your passion if you haven’t discovered it, how to deal with other peoples’ criticisms and negativity, and how to rewrite the negative voices in your own head so that they become more compassionate and empowering. Some great points she goes over are parental expectations in an immigrant family, she describes the tension between wanting to be creative and her family’s desires, that you have to tell yourself you’re a pro before you become one, how to rewrite the voices in your head so that the self-criticism ends, how people are mirrors and only projecting their own insecurities onto you, following your curiosity even if you don’t know what your passion is yet, why she decided to not pursue singing and music, how 'done' is better than perfect; she said something really good during this segment "you must learn to become a deeply disciplined half-ass" and Wade and I both really can relate and agree with this point!

Later today, once Wade wakes up, we plan on heading to the pool - before the weather changes here. I'm nervous as usual, as it is a Saturday afternoon... which opens the door to potential triggers/issues. Hopefully, I can keep myself distracted enough not to overwhelm my entire morning/day.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
No triggers!

#Video
Why Silence Is Powerful

---------------------------------------------------

---------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 918: 08/02/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Hussle.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, he gave me a lovely trifecta and we avoided (during) talking about my trigger from the pool. Same shit as last time, different neighbor. This one he described as hot to me last year, so that rings in my ears every time I see her. Overall, she looks like she was hit in the face with a brick (no joke) but she has the typical bubble butt he has always adored. So, her + swimsuit + his past description of her = trigger. Wade says he finds her disgusting nowadays and claims he believes she couldn't compare to me etc, but I have doubts, I don't have 'that ass'. Anyway, when it was time for me to go to bed, he told me he wishes I sleep well, like the night before and I made an off the cuff remark "yeah, I doubt it with so much on my mind" or something, which then led to our discussion about that trigger. So, of course that woke me right up, and then I couldn't really sleep soundly all night.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “One Way To Improve Your Life Is To Improve Your Attitude", in this episode, we learn that one way to improve your life is to improve your attitude. Remember, a bad attitude is like a flat tire. If you don't change it you'll never go anywhere.

This morning, the weather was iffy, so we made one quick round where we just spoke about his night at work and his thoughts on the Sinek interview I had listened to a few days ago. Then went to the supermarket to get a few things - after some research, I now realize I haven't been getting a good amount of fiber into my diet - even with supplements, I need at least 25 grams per day, so I went looking for food with fiber. Overall the trip was nice, we talked a lot, even about the trigger from yesterday, and still, even with that discussion, the mood was light. Of course, towards the end of the shopping trip, there was a trigger, we passed by and I hoped that was the end of it... but with my damn luck, we run into her again as we were exiting. She has the bubble butt and I'm pretty sure he slipped at some point, but he will claim otherwise. Anyway, that ruined my otherwise decent morning.

I hope the rest of today will be stress-free.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Ate goat-like pellets (Fiber One Cereal) for breakfast, all in the name of good health!

#Video
15 Ways To Improve Your Attitude

---------------------------------------------------

---------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
---------------------------------------------------

 

Thank you, I am happy to inspire in any way that I can. <3

 

DAY 919: 08/03/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Walk.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, he gave me a lovely trifecta, I found really soothing music to go along with it and that makes it even better. Then we watched some more Umbrella Academy, such an awesome new season. Then it was time for him to go to work and I went to bed.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Easily Develop Better Habits With This Simple Two Minute Rule", in this episode, Better Than Yesterday explains how to develop better habits by using a simple two-minute rule. Remember, practice isn't the thing you do once you're good. It's the thing you do that makes you good.

This morning, during our walk we began listening to "The Next Time You Feel Like a Hot Mess, Just Remember This One Thing" an interview with Teddi Mellencamp, on Women of Impact with Lisa Bilyeu. Accountability coach Teddi Mellencamp has changed the lives of over 10,000 people with ALL IN by Teddi, and in the process built that company into a multi-million dollar juggernaut. She is also a cast member on the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. She shares the story of her own journey to becoming accountable, discusses why you have to be authentic and vulnerable in your relationships, and explains why every morning she writes down her three non-negotiables for the day. So far this is a good listen, we heard them discuss, the consequences of believing that only winning matters, how she used to take everything personally because she wasn’t taking accountability, how she no longer competes with other people. Now she competes with herself, taking small steps each day that feels right to you, being vulnerable with your circle, and write down your goals to keep yourself accountable, figuring out what formula works for you, being authentic so you can always deal with your mistakes, and why setting boundaries in your relationships is so important.

Once we got home, I got settled and since the weather is beautiful, once Wade wakes up - we will head on over to the pool. Thankfully it is Monday, so hopefully there will not be a lot of people there *wink. After we will get the girls a treat for dinner.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
No triggers!

#Video
Break Your Mental Resistance With The 2 Minute Rule

---------------------------------------------------

---------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 920: 08/04/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Walk.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, he gave me a lovely trifecta, although my pain points hurt when touched, after he does - omg, the release of that pain/tension is such a relief for me. Then, it was back to The Umbrella Academy, we are really enjoying this new season. After he went to work and I went to bed, I didn't sleep so well - been worrying about my dad who has been hiccuping nonstop for about a week now, he has his appointment tomorrow, hopefully, we will know more soon. I hope tonight will be better.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “How To Become A Lifelong Learner Like Ben Franklin", in this episode, The Art of Improvement talk with us about how to be like Ben Franklin and become a lifelong learner. Remember, an investment in knowledge pays the best interest.

This morning, during our drive/walk we finished listening to "The Next Time You Feel Like a Hot Mess, Just Remember This One Thing" an interview with Teddi Mellencamp, on Women of Impact with Lisa Bilyeu. Accountability coach Teddi Mellencamp is the CEO of ALL IN by Teddi and a cast member on the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. In the conclusion of this interview, we heard them discuss, why she tells her kids the whole truth about difficult situations, the difference between blame and accountability, what to do when you ask a question and you get an answer you don’t want, how to identify the moments when your behavior needs to change and how they keep improving their relationships. It was a good interview, we both find it amazing that people whom we judged based on their public persona's (Khloe Kardashian, Teddi, etc) ended up having great and informative interviews, which opened up a lot of discussion between us... while others like Kevin Bacon, John Travolta and even Mel Robbins where shockingly let downs. I guess there is something to the whole "don't judge a book by its cover". Although we were short on time, we still managed to get one round of walking in at the mall, PLUS we hit up Target and BJ's for groceries that we needed and we actually made good time!! I also found it cute that Wade kept complimenting me, each time I got out of the car lol

I HOPE my dad feels better and his meds work, so my anxiety can calm down. Hoping for a peaceful day, especially since there's a downpour here.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Found some more recipes for Wade to cook, can't wait till he checks out Evernote LOL.

#Video
Why Constant Learners All Embrace the 5 Hour Rule

---------------------------------------------------

---------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 921: 08/05/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Walk.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, he skipped the back rub because his knees hurt. We continued watching The Umbrella Academy and he gave me a hand and foot rub. Then he was off to work and I went to bed.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Little Things Many People Do Every Day That Causes Unhappiness", in this episode, Brainy Dose point out some of the little things that people do every day that quietly cause unhappiness. Remember, it's never the situation that is the cause of your unhappiness, but how you're thinking about it.

This morning, Wade was tired and his hip hurt, so he sat in the car and I walked. There were trees on the ground everywhere, it was crazy, but I still made it through this obstacle course. During my walk, I continued listening to my book "Never Broken: Songs Are Only Half the Story" by Jewel (the singer). When I first got interested in reading this book, it was because of the praise Tom had, during his interview with Jewel on Impact Theory. However, I am forcing myself to finish it, I don't like it at all, and 68% into this book, I am still waiting for her to get into all that healing they spoke about during the interview. There was one decent-sized trigger towards the end of my walk, glad he wasn't with me for that. Then, to add on to my mood, because Wade was tired, which makes me nervous as it is, he did something on the road which agitated me further. When we got home, my parents began instantly complaining and asking about my thoughts on what they should do, it was like a nonstop, mile a minute onslaught from all sides. Whether to go to the hospital or to wait a bit longer and go to the GI appointment he already has scheduled, to figure out why he has been hiccuping nonstop for 7 days. I was trying to respond and think, then Wade kept trying to find out what I wanted for breakfast... which of course annoyed me. I know he meant well and wanted to make me some breakfast, however, *time and place* is what counts here. My parents and I are having a serious conversation and he is trying to interrupt me about something so irrelevant at the moment. I was annoyed and baffled, it also looks careless and bad in my opinion. ANYHOW, let's keep going shall we? after he went to lay down for his nap, instead of leaving my parents stayed, my mom kept looking for shit to clean to stay at our place. So that left my dad, sitting next to me, where he continued complaining, being super negative about everything, etc and my toxicity level was going through the roof, while my mood was getting worse and worse. I get it, he isn't feeling well, I know hiccuping for 7 days straight takes a toll, we are trying to do what we can to get him the help he needs. Talking makes it worse, but he continues talking over the hiccups, to the point where he needed to make a 5-second pause to get some breaths in. I told him to go home, lay down and give his body a rest - but noooooooooo, he just changed the subject and continued on. I am so drained at this point, I can't listen to nonstop complaining because it is not just this, it is everything else and for years now - his nerves, muscles, stomach, head, legs, tiredness, you name it he can complain about it. He can talk without pause for hours, both about his ailments and random stuff he has seen on TV that I don't care about. To me, noise pollution is what really sucks the life out of me worst of all, but especially when my mood is already bad - all of it just gives me a huge headache. Then we tried to go to the pool and were turned away because they weren't done cleaning it from the storm that hit yesterday, which sucked and the little one was upset.

Later, I have to go with my dad to the GI doc, Wade offered to go but no, they only want me to go with him. So, that will just continue to pile onto the large pile of everything that I am already carrying on my back. No wonder I am always in so much pain, the weight of all this stress is unbearable sometimes.

It is going to be a really long day. Depressing because in the morning I was in a pretty good mood.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
I was glad Wade missed this walk, as there was a decent-sized trigger.

#Video
20 Little Things That Secretly Make You Unhappy

---------------------------------------------------

---------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 922: 08/06/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Me Time.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, my dad ended up having a panic attack, which exacerbated his hiccups, so instead of giving his GI doctors recommendation a chance to work, he decided to go to the ER instead. Wade took him, I am very grateful and appreciative of that because if I would have gone, knowing how my dad behaves, they would have admitted me by the end of the night. Wade was there with him until the middle of the night, so I spent the evening watching the new Netflix Docuseries "Jeffrey Epstein: Filthy Rich", and wow man, what a vile man and his "girlfriend" was no better either, I hope they put her away forever.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Love Yourself First: How To Do It And Why It Matters", in this episode, Freddy Fri explains why you must learn to love yourself. Remember, be more concerned about loving yourself than you are about the idea of someone else loving you.

This morning, Wade had to go get an X-Ray done for himself, but I tried not to wake him up too early, because of the night he had. My parents were also sleeping in, so no one came in bright and early with tasks for me (not yet at least), so I got my little one situated and then enjoyed some silence/me time. I continued watching the Netflix Docuseries "Jeffrey Epstein: Filthy Rich", and I am still baffled that he was able to get away with what he was doing to all of those young children for years. Money and power really do buy you a get out of jail free card, unbelievable.

I was really looking forward to getting to the pool today, but it seems chilly so I do not know if that will happen. I am going to beg any powers that be, for some sort of reprieve from all this drain, stress and noise.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Got started with organizing my online life. #Elephantgoal.

#Video
Love Yourself First

---------------------------------------------------

---------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 923: 08/07/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Walk.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, we had fun playing "Go Sushi!" and then Mads Libs with our girls. It was funny because our eldest said "see, I wish we would do more of this stuff when I have to take breaks from electronics", we will try. Then he gave me the trifecta, it was lovely and relaxing. Then watched some TV and called it a night.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “How To Find Meaning In Your Life", in this episode, Jordan Peterson talks about how to find meaning in your life. Remember, to live is to suffer, to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering.

This morning, we listened to "Love Expert Reveals the Secrets to a Successful Relationship" an interview with Spirit, on Women of Impact with Lisa Bilyeu. The host of "Love Goals" on the OWN Network and in possession of a PhD in General Psychology, the therapist known as Spirit combines gritty real-world experience with high-level academic thinking in her straight-forward, powerful advice. She not only gets to the point, but she also nails the most important point every time. She takes on some of the most important questions that everyone who struggles with dating and relationships - need answered. She explains why you have to see dating as an interview process, breaks down the difference between chemistry and compatibility, and details exactly how to focus on solutions instead of problems in your relationship. During this discussion, they go over, the difference between chemistry and compatibility, how people often mistake the relationship’s chemistry changing for falling out of love, that there are three sides: you, your partner and the relationship, then she explains what to do instead of focusing on the problems, how there is a science to relationships, and you can control the intensity, duration, and connection, how relationship problems and habits are passed down through the generations, she explains how to deal with feelings, thoughts, and behaviors and if you can change the way you think and behave, everything else will fall in line. I did have a trigger in a store at the mall, which I was able to move through. Then, at another store I got triggered, I saw her lingering around, she stood out for her yoga pants, but also her nurses top. I tried to avoid going where I saw her, but then we also got stuck in line to checkout, I saw her a few people in front of us, which was driving me crazy. Then she left, we finally began checking out and I thought she had gone by now. Unfortunately for me, as we were leaving, I was walking in front of Wade, I noticed her standing at the checkout, he was behind me and I know no matter what he says, he had to have seen her and because he was behind me I don't know if he looked or slipped. Then, right as we pass her, he says to me "you are so beautiful", which just sets me off more because in my head I am like "oh yeah okay, you get a look at her, feel guilty about it so you make up for it with paying me a compliment". My mood was ruined completely by that point and after such a good start and conversation, this is why I don't think things will ever change for me - I will never feel secure with my place in his eyes, compared to all of them.

One of our Guinea Pigs, the calm and nice one has been looking ill in recent days, barely moving, not eating, or able to drink from his bottle. We have been trying to make him as comfortable as possible, spoon-feeding him water, etc. We finally found a vet that could check him out this evening, but when we came back from our walk, Ginger had passed :-( #RIP we still have not told our girls, we will today, together and I expect them to have total breakdowns. We will have to navigate this carefully. It sucks that my mood is horrible, but I will try my best to keep it together.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
.

#Video
FIND MEANING IN YOUR LIFE

---------------------------------------------------

---------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 924: 08/08/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Lunch Date.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, our daughters, especially our eldest took the passing of one of her guinea pigs really bad, she was distraught and emotional, crying on and off for hours. We let her grieve in peace, I think seeing her caused our little one to have outbursts more so, than the actual event. Regardless, we tried to be there for both of them and guide them through the grief as best as we could. We played some card games with our eldest and I believe that helped lighten her mood for some time. I think we should try and do this family activity a few times a week, might help with our connection, more than family dinners. Later, Wade skipped the backrub, we finished watching Umbrella Academy which was phenomenal! now we have to wait forever for a season 3, yikes!!! while he gave me a nice hand and foot rub. Then we went to bed, but before passing out we spoke a bit about my triggered state and how he claims (as I predicted he would) - that he did not see the woman I got triggered by, and it was probably because he just doesn't care about anyone but me... dunno about that, he notices more than enough, so I don't know how he misses 'some' and not others.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “The Compound Effects of Making Consistent Daily Progress", in this episode, we learn about the amazing compound effects that come along with making consistent daily progress. Remember, success is nothing more than a few simple disciplines practiced every day.

This morning, after burying our little friend, Wade went fishing with my dad. I was going to go for my walk but remembered that our mobile game has a community day today. So, we decided we'll just go for the walk when he gets back, so we can get our exercise in and play in the event at the same time. We went to the mall for the event and walked a little, then decided to have an impromptu lunch date, Yard House was open for indoor/social distanced dining, so we took advance of the time we were given. The food was DELICIOUS, I don't know if it was the frenzy from quarantine etc., but it tasted extra good today. Both of us had a good time, we talked about triggers again and how he sometimes has to remind himself -I ogled everyone and their mother! when the thought of "why is she getting triggered by her?" crosses his mind. Because he says our new neighbor, who triggers me, is plain and unappealing to him, now, so he always takes pause when she triggers me... but then remembers that prerecovery, he would be ogling her anyway. He also told me that a lot of the women who trigger me, they can't compare to me - however, I still believe, I don't compare to them, in his eyes. I can't help it, it is all I know, it is what is familiar to me, he has always prefer those types to me, any day of the week and I don't think it can change with a drop of a hat. Anyway, it was a good chat, we had a lot of small talk and ranting about my dad's frustrating behavior too. Overall, it was a good time for me, a much-needed relief from the last week.

The weather is perfect for the pool... but it's Saturday, so I am scared. I guess we will see if we will go once he has his nap. I hope there won't be any massive triggers there today if we do go.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
No major triggers today.

#Video
Daily Consistency = Massive Results: THE COMPOUND EFFECT

---------------------------------------------------


---------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 925: 08/09/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Walk.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, he gave me the trifecta and it was a nice relief for my back, he triggers something the gets me calm and sleepy, which is a good thing. We spent the rest of the evening laughing our butt's off watching "Bad Lip Readings" on YouTube, purely hilarious. I do not recall the last time either of us laughed that hard. Then he went off to work and I went to bed.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Why You Sometimes Feel Like You're Not Good Enough", in this episode, Charisma On Command talks with us about why it is that you might sometimes feel like you're not good enough, and how to overcome these feelings. Remember, do your best while also remembering your worth is not attached to what you accomplish.

This morning, we began listening to "What to Eat to Power Your Brain" an interview with Dr. Mahmoud Ghannoum, on Health Theory with Tom Bilyeu. Dr. Mahmoud Ghannoum, aka “Dr. Microbiome”, has been one of the leading microbiome researchers for the last 40 years. He is also the scientist who named the mycobiome, the body’s fungal community. Dr. Ghannoum explains the connections between fungi and bacteria in our gut, and why it’s so important for the two communities to work in harmony. He also describes the ways the gut communicates with the brain, discusses current research on autism and gastrointestinal issues, recommends a diet for good gut health, and even shares an incredible story about how one act of kindness can change thousands of lives. So far we've heard them discuss how the mycobiome is the fungal community that lives in our body, how bacteria and fungi are both good and bad and are either in harmony or not, they use the analogies of forests or gardens to explain how the gut works, he explains how bacteria and fungi produce benefits by working in harmony, that the gut communicates with the brain, just as the brain communicates with the gut, how the microbiome really starts getting formed during birth, through the vaginal canal, how biofilms are dangerous because they protect bad microorganisms and prevent nutrition. I was happy that there were no triggers on the trail, however, that did not last long, as when we were driving off there was a trigger. As we continued driving, I saw him glancing back, twice - not sure why maybe just to see other cars or something else. He told me he noticed I was triggered and I brought up him looking back, the defense began instantly. After a few minutes, he apologized because he caught himself gaslighting, then did it all over again and I just told him to drop the topic.

Later today, we intend on going to the pool. I am bracing myself.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Finished my work early.

#Video
Why You Don't Feel Good Enough

---------------------------------------------------

---------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 926: 08/10/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Walk.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, he gave me the trifecta, there are certain points of my sciatic nerve, when he pulls it - omg it's like heaven with the release. I really do appreciate him doing this for me, almost daily. Then we watched some Dark, another interesting show, it's subbed but not too badly. Then it was off to work for him and me to bed.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “How To Focus Better When You Have A Hard Time Focusing", in this episode, we learn how to focus better when you're having a hard time remaining focused. Remember, when you focus on what you want everything else falls away.

This morning, Wade was stuck at work, so I walked alone. During my walk, I continued listening to my book "Never Broken: Songs Are Only Half the Story" by Jewel (the singer). I am more than halfway through now (74%) and can not wait to finish. It is nothing like what I had hoped it to be, snooze-fest lol. Then we went to the pool and we actually had a really nice, pleasant and peaceful time there - just how I like it - only we were there, so no triggers! woot. Now, we are readying for a BBQ lunch Wade is preparing and then we will play a new card game I got, with our kids.

Easy day, this is just what the doctor ordered.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
NO triggers!!!

#Video
Why You Can't FOCUS - And How To Fix That

---------------------------------------------------

---------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 927: 08/11/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Self-Minutes.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, trifecta <3 I appreciate it as always. I found such a calming set of medley's on YouTube, making the ambiance so perfect. This is one of my favorite's with an awesome calming effect: "1 HOUR Zen Music For Inner Balance, Stress Relief and Relaxation". Then we watched some tv and I headed off to bed, he stayed up a bit because he needed to sleep in to do a double the next day. Of course, the situation made my stomach churn a little aka felt uneasy, but I wouldn't stay it triggered me, it just took a bit to bring myself back from the uneasy feeling. This used to be the ultimate time for him when he was a PA. I'd be sleeping, the kids too and he had the freedom to PM, watch M or whatever until the wee hours of the night. However, because I needed to edit his video in the morning, he kept his phone with him, so he could leave it on my computer for me. It was a bit uneasy, but my gut wasn't firing off, so I did not get fully triggered because I am a lot more confident in where he is in his recovery - you know, that he probably wouldn't just relapse, just because of 'old times'.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Ending A Relationship With Someone You Love", in this episode, we get some great tips from our friends at The School of Life on ending a relationship when it's time to do so. Remember, you cannot start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one.

This morning, I took Wade's advice and listened to "How to Stay Young, Smart and Fit Forever", an interview with Gabrielle Lyon, on Health Theory with Tom Bilyeu. Dr. Gabrielle Lyon has been at the forefront of “muscle-centric medicine” for years, and here’s what really is surprising. She became obsessed with the concept because of her work with palliative care, dementia, and geriatrics. In this episode of Health Theory with Tom Bilyeu, Gabrielle Lyon explains why muscle should be viewed as a vital organ, which protects against everything from Alzheimer’s to COVID-19. She discusses the optimal high-protein diet, strongly advocates that everyone engages in resistance training, and explains why people should focus on gaining muscle instead of focusing on losing fat. Gabrielle explains what “muscle-centric medicine”, why you should focus on building muscle instead of focusing on losing fat, she explains the function of muscle as an organ, the more muscle you have, the more likely you are to live, Gabrielle explains why she prioritizes changing diet versus changing exercise patterns, she talks about eating high-quality protein, which means eating animal protein. Gabrielle discusses the importance of getting your first meal right, she started muscle-centric medicine because of her work with palliative care, Gabrielle explains why lack of muscle leads to dementia and inflammation. She explains that diseases of obesity are not diseases of “over-fat”. They are “under-muscle”, Gabrielle defines how much protein you should eat given how much you weigh, she also says the number one thing people should do is eat more red meat. Wade was right, this was an interview I'd like, I knew from some other videos I've watched how important protein and building muscles are to better health, weight loss, and metabolism, but not to this extent - however, it does make total sense. BUT I don't know if I will be able to get 50 grams of protein into my breakfast, I'm struggling to get 25 grams of fiber in - a whole day!! lol, but I will see what I can adjust or tweak here and there.

I've begun another new routine which has helped me with achieving some peace of mind throughout the day; now instead of having CNN rambling on in the background while I do other tasks... I put on some white noise with an HD video feed - so for example, water crashing into rocks or a rainy night next to a lake. It has such a great calming (tranquility) effect on me. I recommend others try to replace some tv time with this.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Enjoying how my new habit is helping my mind decompress!

#Video
The Hardest Person in the World To Break up With

---------------------------------------------------

---------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
---------------------------------------------------

 

Yeah, I know, it is all complicated and frustrating lol