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Is getting a GF helpful??

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Deleted Account, Aug 27, 2020.

Does having a girlfriend make NoFap easier?

  1. Yes

    17 vote(s)
    42.5%
  2. No

    23 vote(s)
    57.5%
  1. So today I relapsed, not to PMO but it to MO, the relapse is so embarrassing I don’t want to talk about it. :(

    However, every time I relapse lots of thoughts go through my mind. One of them is the thought “You are not ready for a relationship”, but a part me knows that it would help a lot. But at the same time I am scared that thing might go wrong, like while making sex that I get ED, happened one time btw.

    So is it helpful to get a gf?? And don’t mean in a sexual way to satisfy your urges. But to get in a serious relationship, not just friends with benefits or stuff like that.
     
  2. I've only had one girlfriend, and that was before I even discovered porn or masturbation. But I'm not too sure if having a girlfriend would actually help, because sure, it would be great to have someone there to think about and have a real connection with, but the thing about pornography is that a major part of its addictive nature is that there is literally an endless amount of it on the Internet. You could have the most perfect girl in the world and you would probably still want to see how far the rabbit hole goes, in search of something truly "novel". There's always going to be this little thought asking you to search out and see if there's anything new, and I think that's an unfortunate truth for all of us.
     
    nirav2696, !mkj!, James271993 and 4 others like this.
  3. InappropriateUsername

    InappropriateUsername Fapstronaut

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    Could be beneficial if you take it slow.
     
  4. Yeah, but then when is one “ready” for a relationship?? Wouldn’t having a gf at least lower the urges for 1-2 months??

    idk that why i am asking.
    Pornography has really fucked me up. :(
     
  5. ANewFocus

    ANewFocus Fapstronaut

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    Gf sometimes require compromises and in early recovery, making compromises can limit progress.
     
    +TenPercent and Destroyer of PMO like this.
  6. Maybe what you should do is just stay away from this site for a bit? Maybe you're getting so worked up about porn and masturbation that it's starting to affect your mental state. Just put all of this aside, forget about porn, don't give it any of your attention at all, and when it comes to the ladies, whatever happens, happens. That's my take.
     
    Destroyer of PMO likes this.
  7. Yeah, maybe I will take a break from the forums.
     
  8. pump20

    pump20 Fapstronaut

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    In my opinion, no because I'm assuming that every female is a succubus/jezebel meaning evil spirits that takes away energy. Also, kills masculinity meaning energy vampires that drains if cuddling, and laying down with a female. So, it's better to be single forever and proud.
     
    +TenPercent likes this.
  9. RiverBlue

    RiverBlue Fapstronaut

    There are many good things that come from developing a relationship with someone. And so I wouldn't advise you to avoid becoming involved with a girl.

    But trying to get a gf to help you with your porn addiction is not good reason. I have been in and out of many relationships over the years. But there has been one constant in all that time -- my addiction to porn. It's been the same both in and out of relationships. Being in a relationship has had very little impact on how much I pmo -- other that the purely mechanical reduction that occurs if you live with a gf and just have less privacy to indulge in porn.

    My advice look for a relationship because being in a relationship can be a wonderful thing, but don't look for one with the idea that it will help your porn addiction.
     
  10. Lilla_My

    Lilla_My Fapstronaut

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    I would rather be shot in the head than dealing with another porn addict in a relationship.
     
  11. :emoji_100:
     
    Psalm27:1my light and Lilla_My like this.
  12. skaterdrew

    skaterdrew Fapstronaut

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    What are your reasons for this?

    Did he suffer with PIED?
    Was he not trying to change and just kept using porn?
    Was he choosing porn even over you?

    These are some reasons I would understand why a woman wouldn't want to be with a guy that is a porn addict.

    One thing that would somewhat annoy me though is if a woman wouldn't even take a chance on a guy who is a porn addict who is trying to better himself, who is doing everything in his power to quit porn, artificial sexual stimulation and that lifestyle.

    It's different if the guy is still contentiously using porn etc. But if they are really trying to change I feel like this would be quite a low blow for a woman to not even take a chance on a guy like this.
     
  13. ShogunGeneral

    ShogunGeneral Fapstronaut

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    I dont think its a matter of yes or no. I do think having a partner in your life can help you as a relationship with another person is truly a wonderful thing and can, when it works well, give your life a fuller meaning. That being said if you have an addiction to PMO and you do not treat the underlying issues that lead to it you will remain an addict just one who is in a relationship.
     
  14. Lilla_My

    Lilla_My Fapstronaut

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    You ask for a list, so here it is:

    - Untreated porn addicts are more often than not selfish, whiny man babies that feel sorry for themselves while they ruthlessly destroy other peoples lives
    - they lie constantly
    - they would sell their own family to be able to wank
    - they are more prone to cheating (porn scientifically and dramatically increases the risk of cheating) and bring home diseases (that is, if they manage to get it up in the first place)
    - they are not satisfied with ANY relationship. The only thing that they want is novelty, so nothing and no one will ever fulfill them
    - they teach their sons to be as shitty as them and their daughters that men are shitty, perverted and unreliable
    - some porn addicts view disgraceful and illegal material (children, animals, rape, torture)
    - they relapse all the time, lie about it and expect to be forgiven and understood even after they've gotten hundreds of chances
    - some waste their family's income and retirement fund on cam girls and other types of prostitution
    - they leave embarrassing Google histories everywhere
    - they get moobs from all that hyperprolactemia they get from dopamine loss (=bad body all around)
    - they get intellectually challenged from only thinking about filth (look at any chats between these men and the women they talk to online, you could cry laughing if it wasn't so sad)
    - its embarrassing and humiliating to any woman to be attached to a man who has a sexual relationship with his palm
    - No little girl dream of becoming a dried semen sanitation maid when she grows up
    - some grow really mean and violent when trying to defend their "hobby"
    - last but not least, they absolutely suck in bed

    Oh yeah? So if a 300 lb woman wanted to date you, and she was really *trying* to loose weight, would you give her a chance in a world full of fit ladies? How about a heroin addict in search for a new life? Or someone who gambled away her previous home? An arsonist maybe, if she attended therapy? How much is your life worth? How much would you risk? How saintly, patient and understanding are you able to be?

    NOTE: This list does not apply to former porn addicts, only current ones. And the ONLY women a current porn addict should associate with is licensed therapists who specializes in sexual addictions. You may destroy your own lives, but you have no right to destroy others.
     
  15. Syden

    Syden Fapstronaut

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    word.
     
    Lilla_My likes this.
  16. skaterdrew

    skaterdrew Fapstronaut

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    When you are an addict you are always an addict though. So even people who are managing to stay clean will always have an extreme weakness and potential to go back to their addiction.

    I understand if you wouldn't want to give a porn addict a chance who isn't trying to change their life, who is still regularly engaging in their addiction. But if the porn addict is really trying to change their life and is basically never engaging in their addiction or never engaging in their addiction, then I honestly don't see what the problem would be with giving a guy like this a chance if you liked them.

    But you have basically said that in your comment anyway. It doesn't apply to former porn addicts. But again remember when you are an addict you are always an addict. You just might be clean from that lifestyle at the moment.

    So it sounds like you would give a porn addict a chance who is clean from that lifestyle, but wouldn't give one a chance that is not clean from that lifestyle, and I completely understand that.

    What I had a problem with is if you simply wouldn't give a porn addict a chance period. If they have ever engaged in that lifestyle even if they are clean now then no woman should ever give a guy like this a chance. This is what I thought you meant at first. But that's not what you are saying.

    It's like an alcoholic who is clean now, who is on the wagon. But just because they are clean now, they are still an alcoholic. They might never return to alcohol. But there is always going to be a potential risk there that they could return to it. It's the exact same with a porn addict who is clean now.

    So say a woman liked two different guys, one guy is an alcoholic who is on the wagon, who is clean from alcohol. But then the other guy isn't an alcoholic and has never had an issue with alcohol. I can understand why the woman might think that the non alcoholic might be a safer bet. It's the exact same with porn addiction. A woman likes two different guys, one guy is a porn addict who is clean now, and then the other guy has never had an issue with porn. So again I can understand why the woman might think that the non porn addict might be a safer bet.

    So I can understand this. But again I think not even considering giving a guy who is a porn addict a chance, who is doing everything in their power to stay clean from porn a chance, simply because they used to engage in that behaviour is a bit harsh.

    It's that old saying everyone deserves a second chance. Well this certainly would not be giving someone a second chance. It would be a case of you had your one and only chance, you f*cked up, and now your done.
     
    Last edited: Aug 29, 2020
    Roady likes this.
  17. locomia

    locomia Fapstronaut

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    yes ofc but u will get cucked eventually,so dont put too much effort into it
     
  18. Lilla_My

    Lilla_My Fapstronaut

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    It doesn't seem like you even read my post at all, you just regurgitate what you originally said. And you certainly didn't answer my questions.

    Don't ever ask to be understood if you can't do the same if the roles where reversed. If you can't give a woman with a sex addiction or a questionable past another chance, you can't ask that she should do that for you.

    You talk about "second chances", and "really trying". It's rarely about second chances, but rather ten, twenty, thirty chances, if not more. And most "are really trying" at various points in their addiction.

    Now, I would like you to thoroughly read my post and answer my question. It seems like you like to do a lot of talking, but don't particularly like to listen.
     
  19. skaterdrew

    skaterdrew Fapstronaut

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    Okay so a 300 lb woman would be a no for me. As I would need to be attracted to the woman I was dating, and I doubt I would be attracted to a 300 lb woman. I feel like this is a bit different to dating a recovering porn addict. You might be very attracted to the recovering porn addict, have a lot in common with them and really get on with them. But you seem to have a big problem with the fact they are recovering from porn addiction or have once had issues with porn addiction.

    A woman who has once been a heroin addict. So a woman that I am attracted to, who I have a lot in common with, who I get along with, who has changed her life for the better and is clean from heroin. I would say this could be a possibility that I would give a woman like this a chance.

    A woman who has a gambling addiction who literally gambled away her previous home. I would probably feel a bit more uncomfortable with this, because of how reckless her previous behaviour has been. But again if she had been clean from gambling for a long time, if I was attracted to her, had a lot in common with her, got along with her, then who knows. But I do admit I would be a bit wary because of how reckless her previous behaviour had been.

    A woman who is an arsonist is unlikely. As I have no understanding why someone would do this, and it is just dangerous and reckless behaviour.

    But again I don't know what I would do until I was in the situation. If I got to know the person I don't know what could potentially happen.

    You seem to have made a point that you will under no circumstances ever be with a guy that is a porn addict. Like I said I more understand this if the guy is still engaging in that behaviour, and isn't really trying to get better. But like I said remember if you are an addict then you are always an addict. So even if a porn addict has changed their life and is no longer using porn anymore, they are still a porn addict. There is always going to be a weakness there.

    I more have an issue with the fact that you wouldn't give a porn addict a chance who is tying their best to change their life and get away from that lifestyle. Or especially a porn addict that has got to a point they no longer engage in that lifestyle.
     
    Last edited: Aug 29, 2020
    Rehab101 likes this.
  20. thinking_differently

    thinking_differently Fapstronaut

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    Lol You don’t want to handle another Complication!
     
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