35 and older accountability, Group 2

Day 14 - some good news...there is hope my friends. Some months ago I was experiencing a real lack of sensitivity that prevented O during intimacy with wife. I have only MO'd once in the last 50 days (no P). Happy to report that sensitivity is back and response is total. It seems the body CAN change back to its previous condition. This is welcome positive reinforcement to help battle my addiction and gives me another reason to avoid PMO when the urge to act out surfaces. Stay strong everyone - results can happen!

 

I’m at about 16 days now and I’m increasingly more tired, work is exhausting, and don’t have a lot of energy.

 

hang in there. if you read through the forum, everyone experiences that at different times in the process. it's a good sign perhaps, your body is reacting and adjusting to the lack of dopamine rush. stay strong, you will return to a steady state soon.

 

Woot. I got double digits a couple days ago. Stay strong.

 

Thank you man. Tonight I came across old porn searches. I wanted so bad to use. I looked at photo of my wife, mustered courage to delete and then immediately walk away from computer. So hard. My body is missing dopamine.

 

Day 9

 

well done, friend. every little victory builds your capability to fight off the urge. one of the things i experienced after a few weeks streak was actually being able to relate to my wife and family and friends with a softer heart. when we use we carry the guilt and shame of lying to ourselves and others about our actions. not having to cover up our bad behavior is liberating. you may notice a difference in how your wife responds to you in this realm. keep up the good work, you can do it.

 

Congrats ANewFocus
I've relapsed today.
EFT (emotional freedom technics) helped me delay that relapse but still happened (if you don't know about EFT, it's a weird technic but I find it helpful to deal with urges)
Also got family problems

 

Day 10.

Lots of urges yesterday but got through it. I've kept pretty busy today so I'm feeling good about getting through this weekend without many problems.

 

Learning that the key to peace of mind is not only to avoid negative mental states but also to avoid positive mental states - because positive or negative it is still on the level of thoughts -

Learning to "die daily" as saint paul teaches to my likes and dislikes and keep seeking within my being of what is HIS will for me now, and let HIM do the work.

Praying to die to my addiction to thinking, self righteousness, and mentalization

Dying to my addiction to need to know answers and wanting to plan and strategize to get happiness at some point in the future.

learning to balance the planning and strategies to minimum to meet life's goals and natural things to maintain myself and then learn to renounce it and let life play out however way it wants.

 

Day 18 - feeling down and out today. Keeping thinking about escaping my feelings with P. trying to figure out another diversion but I'm stuck.

 

I feel same way man. There’s three of us at 18-19 days. We are doing great. It is tough to feel down and listless. We must take care of ourselves and stay the course. Me you and @Barakah are doing good.

 

Day 11

 

I slipped this afternoon. I took nap to try to fight urges but reality was on a day like today I shouldn’t have been on my computer.

 

Day 12

 

Day 13

 

Day 13

 

Day 0 - Well I decided on an experiment after reading here about the effects of using after a streak. I'm not overwhelmed with the guilt, shame, etc that I used to experience when I PMO'd, but it's more like wtf did I do that? Not productive, really no enjoyment or satisfaction, just a pointless waste of time. I think my next experiment is to stay sober and NOT come to this site so much - I feel like it is almost a psub for me. Reset & restart. Stay strong once again.

 

I slipped up yesterday.

Didn't take the risks seriously and ended up relapsing. I was in a situation where I knew it would be tempting but I didn't take the necessary steps to combat it. Lesson learned.

Day 0.

 

Hey what's up. I've relapsed Friday
Back on track now I'm improving.
I'm more busy, and I created morning and night routines to help me.
Day 2 today