Hit 40 days

Today is 40 days no PMO and 39 no O.

Been REALLY tough almost every day but last night I felt the best I'd felt, pretty normal. No real symptoms and a general sense of calm that I've not had in months. Not feeling as good so far today but I normally feel worse in the morning anyway. Was just nice to have a bit of a break last night and hoping that this will become my norm.

 

Honestly I just knew I had / have to do it. I was depressed 5 years ago for 6 months and it only lifted after doing nofap. I was getting to the same place again after slipped back into pmo. I can't live like that, I just want to die. You need to want to be free from it more than you want it. For me I need to get to the point that I want to die to have the strength to push through each crappy day. I don't think I'm out of the woods yet, I suspect I'll have a number, maybe many, more very difficult days and times. I hope not but it's better to expect them and not be to down if / when they come

 

Day 41

After a rough start (pretty normal at the moment) to the day yesterday I was feeling pretty reasonable by the afternoon and then almost OK/good in the evening. Still have some head pressure and some anxiety (it's 9.30am at the moment) but fairly calm for this time in the day.

I saw on another thread someone saying that they felt worse in the morning and it improved as the day went on and I think I had that last time I rebooted so hopefully this too will pass. Have a good day folks.

 

Day 42 and struggling today. Been nice to have some better days but tough when you get hit by another bad day. Makes you wonder if you'll ever be happy again. Going to keep fighting but feeling a bit deflated and fed up today.

 

Thanks, I don't really have a choice but to keep going. One day at a time eh?

 

Appreciate that. Trying to work on my thinking today and be positive. So easy to feel negative and that just makes everything worse. There's a lot to be thankful for.

 

Had sex with my wife last night, first time since I started this streak and was a bit worried it would mess things up but feel pretty much the same as the last few days this morning. I've had very little interest in sex in the last few weeks so I guess it's a positive I wanted to do it. I'm wary of the chaser over the next few days and will endeavour to ensure I don't slip up.

 

Day 45 today, halfway to 90. Had a good day yesterday, felt pretty good all day. Struggling today. Negative thoughts and feeling down. I'm hoping the trend is up with regards to my mood but it's hard to feel that when you're having a bad day. Would be great to get a good run of good days or just feel generally more positive about life for more than a flash. I crave to get back that feeling of just being happy with life for no particular reason. At the moment I feel like it's all an effort. I'm at the gym at the moment so hopefully that'll pick me up.

 

I know that I'll feel worse if I relapse and I'm not too worried about that at this stage. I just feel I should be starting to feel better by now. But then I would say that I am having more good days and less bad days so I guess that is progress. I'm definitely not as physically ill as I was in the first 3 or 4 weeks. Focus on the positives I guess and take one day at a time. Thanks for your message. Keep pushing on my friend