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Welcome to NoFap!!!

 

Welcome to NoFap and stay strong my man, better days will come. I hope everything turns out great for you.

 

Have you heard of betrayal trauma? You have obviously severely damaged your relationship with your wife. Worthy of her trust is a great book to help you understand as is the dvd Helping her Heal. 10 years without intimacy is a long time.

 

I could say for most of my marriage we were friends, roommates, financial partners, It was that way because of his porn use. As long as he used porn, acts out in his addiction, the relationship will always be less than it should. I will say, that I have loved my husband in spite of his addiction. I forgave him years ago, but I’m very damaged from his behavior. Do you want a better marriage? Or are you happy with the way it is? I can say my husband thought we had a great marriage and he was happy with it. Now, he looks back and thinks wtf? Now that he’s been clean, he actually sees the damage and acknowledges the loss of what our relationship could’ve been and should’ve been. The fact you say “ bruised nerves and guilt you” leads me to believe that maybe you don’t understand the true extent of the pain? I could absolutely be wrong, I don’t know your wife. I do know, that my husband minimized the pain he caused until he had been several months clean. Then and only then did he start to understand how deeply he had hurt me. Until that moment, I could not reach for him. Now, I never took sex off the table because I was the one who always wanted sex, my husband avoided it. However, I didn’t say I love you for 17 years. I held back emotionally. I withdrew in all ways except physically. We are fortunate in that we are best friends and get along great, again, in spite of his addiction. After 33 years, I love him far more than the day I said “ I Do!” However, If he cant prove that he can stay clean, I’m leaving as soon as my daughter graduates. What happens when the kids are grown and you’re retired? Do you just want a roommate? This past year I’ve seen my husband transformed. Seriously a different man. He’s kinda amazing now, which has transformed me into a woman who wants to be with him and touch him and laugh and grow with him.

 

Lol! My husband is retiring either in January or March. He would love to live in the mountains, I told him I’d only sell this place to move to a house on the ocean, otherwise I’m keeping my 40 acres and menagerie of animals! I think at this point, he’s so grateful I’m still here that he’d live anywhere I wanted. I think you’d be surprised at what getting clean does for your relationship. Get into actual, real recovery, and I bet you see some subtle changes in your wife. It’s good that you don’t expect anything from your wife, tells me you’re doing this for you, which is the most motivating reason that gives you a better chance at success.