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My transformation (2 & half years)

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by Deleted Account, Sep 6, 2020.

  1. My journal https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/i-approach-attractive-girls-my-journal.290497/

    My life before 20 years
    - Depressed
    - No friends
    - No girlfriend
    - No social intelligence
    - No motivation or self-discipline
    - Shy
    - Harassed during a large part of my schooling.


    What I put in place to change at 20 years old (I think all these things are due to the fact that I got tired of all this negativity. I knew in my heart that I was capable of so much more. But it's like I was trapped in a bubble and I was lying to myself all the time. I didn't dare to face the world and dare to do what made sense to me).

    - NoFap
    - Meditation 1hour a day
    - Workout 3/7 d
    - Diet
    - Approaching attractive girls during day time and at night
    - Reading Books (not necessarily about self help...)

    What I learned from all these habits.

    - The power of habits. It's amazing how we repeat the same patterns over and over again without realizing it. Changing our habits changes our lives. The fact that we don't get any results is our responsibility. The results are only the consequences of causes and conditions we have consciously or unconsciously participated in.

    - We set our own limits. We decide what we believe is possible or not. Without realizing it, we prevent ourselves from succeeding on a daily basis. One part of us wants to succeed but the other part believes that we don't deserve it or that we are not good enough. We cannot achieve our goals if there is a constant conflict between these two parties. Our thoughts influence our actions. Our actions affect our thoughts. If you are not satisfied with your results, change your way of thinking. Thoughts are just thoughts. If you can observe your thoughts, you are not your thoughts. You are much more than that. Observe your thoughts with kindness and caring without getting attached to them. You will see life as it really is and begin to make the right choices. Change your perceptions of reality and life will bring you what you've always wanted.

    - Fear is an illusion. It is only an emotion that tells you that you will lose control over what will happen. The mind does not like to lose control because it feels in danger. Approaching a girl on the street was impossible and unimaginable for me. I imagined a whole bunch of scenarios. And if I get rejected, I'm not good enough? What if people make fun of me, that I don't know what to say? I approached maybe 3000 girls in 2 and a half years in the street, in the stores, in the evening. I always felt fear, always. but I went anyway. fear will never go away, it will always be there. You have to learn to make your fear your friend. When you overcome your fears very regularly, your life becomes an adventure in which you learn a lot about the world and about yourself. But most of all, you realize that you dare to do something you never thought you could do. And that's the craziest thing in this story. The person you really want to become is behind all these fears, these doubts. Fear is positive, it shows us the way forward. We tend to exaggerate our emotions and that's what hurts. Learn to observe your fears, accept them fully and take action in spite of everything.

    - self-acceptance. Before, I didn't feel complete. I always focused on having more, being more, pleasing others. I had a great need for recognition. I would look for everything I was missing on the outside because deep down I was not at peace with who I was. NoFap and meditation helped me to re-center myself. To realize that I was already this entity full of love and caring. That I didn't need to do more than what I was. That my mere presence was enough. The fact that I always wanted more made me behave in ways that were not authentic. This is the scourge of our society. We believe that having more, working hard and achieving our dreams will repair the lack of self-esteem and self-confidence that we have always had. And if we reverse this logic. What if we start feeling complete and incredible and take action not because we lack it but because we love who we are?

    - The search for perfection is a danger. It is boring to be with someone who is trying to be perfect and forgets himself in favor of his oversized ego and his need for recognition. Our imperfections are part of us. To deny them is to give up who we are. Approaching a girl, for example, with the awareness that it won't be perfect, that you can screw up and not know what to say, but that it's okay is surely the most benevolent act you can give yourself. Accepting our frailties is not something we have been taught, neither is accepting our emotions. We tend to think before we act, to think instead of feeling. And this closes so many doors for us in our daily lives. Don't try to be good, accept that you're not good and take action.

    - We don't care about results. I take action every day for what's important to me. This notion of working for what makes sense to us is valuable. But let's stop taking action to get something. Let's take action because we love who we are. The results won't make you happier. Focusing on results is building your life on a paper castle. Everything can fall apart at any moment. You can't control your results. At least sometimes you don't have control over what life can give you. Don't try to change what is. You never yell at a plant to make it grow faster, do you? Why do you do this to yourself ? Personal development is not a fight, you are not fighting with yourself. You are not in conflict with yourself. It's just the opposite, you take care of yourself.
    Take action and enjoy every moment that life can give you. If your outlook on life is negative, change your perceptions and bring more awareness to your life (meditation can help).
    If you don't get the results you want, change something (your way of thinking, expressing yourself, your actions). Fully accept who you are and what you can't control.
    Overcome your fears
    Try new habits

    I am aware that I haven't really talked about NoFap, but it hasn't played a major role in my adventure for my part. I forgot to specify. It is a transformation over 2 and a half years. Don't hesitate if you have any questions. Thank you and take care of yourself.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 1, 2020
    Ruiz, clapas, $obriety and 31 others like this.
  2. matt2k12

    matt2k12 Fapstronaut

    I think I read this before. New account?

    In any way - great post! Thanks for the motivation. I esp liked the part about making fear your friend!
     
    Asgardian36 and Deleted Account like this.
  3. ZeroChill

    ZeroChill Fapstronaut

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    Good post man! Its more of a "whats next after nofap".

    Hope to see more of your post in future.
     
    Powerous and Deleted Account like this.
  4. bbb5891

    bbb5891 New Fapstronaut

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    There are so many things I can relate to in this post. In regards to the depression, shyness, about not deserving success, self-acceptance and constantly seeking perfection. I dont think I deal with these areas very well and are the reasons for my PM. I believe once I accept myself for who I am I will have an easier journey in abstaining from PM. I'm glad you've learnt this all at a young age.
     
    Asgardian36 and Deleted Account like this.
  5. Hey mate, yes I came back
    And thanks!
     
  6. Anurag624

    Anurag624 New Fapstronaut

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    May be of topic but can u advice me on what can I do that will help me dating later when I am ready, like work out something (other than talking to real girls I think I will do it after passing day 90 or later as I have moderate PIED)
     
    Asgardian36 likes this.
  7. Bruhmoment35

    Bruhmoment35 New Fapstronaut

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    I'm not OP but get good at meeting new people and making friends. Find hobbies that interest you, working out will only help you. If you need take some time to know yourself before dating. Don't wait until passing 90 days. If you feel comfortable start now but if not that's fine too.
     
  8. matt2k12

    matt2k12 Fapstronaut

    well great that you are back, i really missed you since i really benefitted from your shared thoughts and opinions
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  9. Rey Rey

    Rey Rey Fapstronaut

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    This resonated well with me, lots of lessons for learn as well.
    Thank you for the post.
     
    Asgardian36 likes this.
  10. idk, do what you like but you never feel ready when you want to go out of your comfort zone. It's never the right moment so I advice you to start dating now even if you're scared
     
    Asgardian36 likes this.
  11. justinjohn

    justinjohn Fapstronaut

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    You a Great Motivation for us
     
  12. Anyone can do it, but thank you, it means a lot to me.
     
  13. Jazir

    Jazir Fapstronaut

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    Hey there.
    I read all of it, but i think that i still do not fully understand everything you say. I think its because theres a difference between thinking something through and understanding it, and understanding it "with your heart", if that makes sense. Like there are truths we can understand, but we have not yet felt them, so we cannot fully know they are in fact true. Do you know what i mean?

    To my question: are there any masters or schools of thought that you can recommend, or are you more like " i dont want anyone to identify with one specific religion/philosophy in particular, this would only weaken your perception or limit your understanding"? Are you more like "this is how i got there cause i think like XY" or "you have to just live in a certain way get rid of some things/thinking, before those truths will just find you, cause its a thing you understand once you begin to live that way"...?

    Was this question understandable?
     
  14. Yes, I understand. There are 4 phases

    - not being aware of it.
    - being aware of it by using youtube videos or posting on forums .
    - being aware of it by taking action. A general understanding is developing.
    - being it

    I think this is the most interesting question I've seen so far.
    To be totally honest with you, I have failed, failed again and again. Until I found a perception that was closest to reality.
    I think the most important thing has been to always be in action, no matter what my mental state was at the time. Approaching girls even though I feel like crap for example.

    I wanted to understand the world regardless of any religion or belief. To understand social relationships, to understand who I am as well.

    It's a process and you have to be patient. I tried certain ways of thinking like Buddhism. I also have a seduction coach in my close circle who inspired me but It didnt help me I mean or was just inspiration nothing more

    But to sum up, failure is inevitable. Criticism is inevitable. There are no shortcuts to get to where you want to go faster.
    To do and not to think. For me that was the key, and it still is.
    Trusting myself, moving forward despite what I think of myself, despite fear.
    And above all, learning to love myself in a world where frustration is at its peak.

    Taking action is the best way to achieve these things. They can be different for each person because we all have different brains. I don't think there is a universal answer or a magic pill.But the only way to learn is to be in doing it rather than thinking it in my opinion
     
    Asgardian36 likes this.
  15. Jazir

    Jazir Fapstronaut

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    Okay, so the problem seems to be located in the fact, that there is a difference in the theoretical thinking about life and actual living, that can at some point not be bridged (even though we 2 right now are using theoretical discourse to get closer to a thing that cannot be grasped easily, and because you cant transfer your experience to me, so we have to use language).
    So it probably has to do more with a way of dealing with your reality, that is more focused on the actual world of senses (actually feeling the fear of being rejected f.e., instead of talking about it), instead of our rationalised western perception of the world. And it seems to me, that you have developed a different attitude towards those actual sensual experiences (be it fear or joy or whatever), which brings you more intense life (including more pain also it seems at some points, but all in all making it more enjoyable and thrilling). If you think about your fear, you cannot develop the same attitude towards it, as if you tackle it (or ignore it) on a regular basis.

    This seems to connect with a lot of things i read, especially all meditation-pro-philosophies, and ancient thinking in contrary to modern-day-thinking (modern day thinking has other strengths such as all the gifts that a rational world approach blesses you with such as modern medicine, but loses some other things because its not balanced thinking).

    To be honest with you, it may sound creepy, but i wish i could be your student in some way (sadly enough its not really possible). But i think that stuff like that is better taught through living with someone, which is something older traditions always encouraged (f.e. all the asian masters had their students and the whole culture is based on learning from masters and their way of life, but also jesus and his disciples etc.). Cause i think thats the way i could learn what you actually mean by some of your words. But i will try to put your words to the test.
     
  16. Overcoming one's fears of approaching girls we like is a process that allows us to understand the world as it is. Regardless of our perceptions. The idea is to destroy our beliefs in order to see life as it is. The clearer our vision of what's going on right now, the more we enjoy life. It's a job that requires us to question our certainties and beliefs. Putting yourself in a situation that you can't control, where you can be rejected, allows you to learn a lot about the world and about yourself. Reading books, watching videos, reading posts on forums doesn't really help. It is not personal development. We think we assimilate what is said in books, but that is just an illusion. We only read authors' beliefs that contribute even more to locking us into the author's beliefs and perceptions.
     
    Asgardian36, Reborn16 and Jazir like this.
  17. Mike.Jane

    Mike.Jane New Fapstronaut

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    That's an interesting story.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  18. mike15

    mike15 Fapstronaut

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    Great post! thanks for the insights!!
     
  19. GratifiedSlave

    GratifiedSlave Fapstronaut

    Can you comment on PE? Whats was your condition 2 years before on your time to ejaculate, has it improved?
     

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