35 and Older Accountability Group

Having some look avoiding PMO and feeling good about it. Hopefully I didn't just jinx myself. I just keep reminding myself that it doesn't solve any problems. It doesn't permanently remove any stress. It just makes things worse. It's something I don't want to do.

 

Awesome!

That's one step closer to freedom my friend.

Congrats!

 

I've been thinking about this post. It's very true. I'm more patient and kind when I keep PM out of my life. It's easier to help others which leads to more happiness for me and other people. It's tough for me to overstate how much better it will be to be PM free.

 

Checking in on Monday

 

Social engagements have helped me in the past too. They definitely make it so you don't relapse during them and I've found they help me feel a little more connected to the world which can also be helpful. By nature I'm more introverted so socializing challenges me to get out of my comfort zone.

 

I am working with a lot of pressure in my testicles and pretty strong sexual desires. It’s a challenging day.

I am trying to see all this as a lot of energy that needs an outlet. I will exercise and see where that gets me in an hour.

 

these are all such great points. I have been personally working a lot with romans 12:1-2. I have modified them and repeat “I am a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God” as often as I can.

 

Checking in. A few “almost” and on my way to a personal record. I’m driven by the counter and ranking and I’m fine with that. Whatever works, right?

 

Back to zero but I am determined to pick myself up off the floor.

 

I have been struggling with that question for a while. Here’s what I found helpful. In Hinduism there are three gunas (basically, three states of being that make the world go around):

- Tamas: inertia, satisfaction with status quo, laziness.
- rajas: ambition, energy, greed, lust, etc.
- sattva: harmony, peace, all the good stuff.

All three are illusions and whatever “game” you are playing, it is not going to truly free you (from addiction, for starters). I think the problem with caring about ranking is that you are using rajas, the same energy that produces lust. Sometimes one feeds into the other. For example, losing your spot in the tank can send you down the PMO hole.

The solution for me - or at least a hypothesis I am working with - is to observe the urges, observe lust, and do not act. And if you do act, continue to observe yourself PMOing.

again, this is what I am working with. I am still impacted by ranks too, though. That’s why I left the group for a few months as I was getting too caught up.

 

Excellent self-awareness in this post. Keep up the good work, friend. Stay strong.

 

Well said. Excellent reminders for all of us.

 

I too found more kindness compassion and patience in myself when I am PMO-free. I am a better human being to those around me and that is a really good feeling.

 

I've been away from this group for a while. This month has been choppy. A two week streak to start and then I got caught off guard and acted out. I have to remember that this addict needs to stay vigilant. Now I am at Day 7 - checking in. A few stresses with the wife and work the last few days but using my toolkit - breathing, mantra, exercise, keeping my setting safe, and thinking about my commitment to be PMO free. Stay strong everyone.

 

no judgment here, @artifact! Ranking is probably a good place to start for most of us. And if you didn’t have it, you would be tapping into sattvic energy, which has its own issues and hang ups!

Btw, I was in a storm yesterday and posted like mad here instead of edging! I am through the storm I think. Great to read posts about service and compassion that come out much more clearly when we don’t PMO! This inspires me too!

 

Hopefully the storm is passing.

Most days I use the ranking as a quick check-in to see how everyone is doing. I've gotten extra days on a few streaks using it as a motivator. I agree it's not the highest form of motivation but sometimes I'll take whatever it takes to get that extra day haha.

Back at 2 weeks. Feeling motivated but I think I undid the positive rewiring from this past year with the long string of relapses.

 

I am currently really benefiting a lot from my mantra, so I thought I'd share it with you guys: "I can do this. Anxiety is counterproductive. Porn brings me nothing but frustration and insecurity." I'm reciting this a few times throughout the day.

As I'm nearing the 30-day mark, this is where I usually forget what is bad about porn. With the memory of my last relapses fading, and the shame and misery out of my system, I start thinking 'surely watching some stuff can't be that bad'. With this mantra, I remind myself everyday of what porn is: nothing but a state of wanting something and not getting it, nothing but repeating the illusion that this thing (PM) will bring me satisfaction in the end, if I just keep doing it relentlessly, if I just find the right video, etc. etc.

Now that I've been taking some time every single day to think about this, whenever an urge pops up - and they still do, quite frequently - the thought of porn is now immediately connected to this idea of frustration, instead of to pleasure, and it's so much easier to say no to the urge and move on.

BTW the first part of the mantra is connected to my insecurities and anxieties, which are the core problem why I feel the need to run to PMO. That might be something different for you guys. But I recommend to everyone the daily reminder of why porn is not good. I'm gonna stick with it until I reach 90 days, and probably after that as well.

 

Also, have you guys read this essay? https://www.thecut.com/article/emily-ratajkowski-owning-my-image-essay.html

Another good reminder that behind every video and every photo there is a person and that person might not be okay with her being seen that way, and that there's a huge economy that might be forcing her or abusing her.

 

What a happy day !! 90 at last since I entered nofap I'm gonna work harder to keep me clean !! Thanks to all of you for help me to get here!!

Keep moving forward!!