The Batman Challenge - Can You Get Rid of a Bomb?

Restarted last night, I was at day 6 which is perhaps the longest I've abstained in a while. My goal is to make to day 15 next.

 

Checking in for Day 11. Did some more careful traveling last week. I safely reconnected with old friends and went on a lot of walks. I stayed with a friend of mine and we had sex. She and I are figuring out how to make a long distance relationship work in the age of covid. She's known about my struggles with this addiction for almost a year now and has been encouraging me through the rebooting process. I'm prepared to manage urges and the chaser effect until I see her next.

I started back at work today and received some somber news that my job might be in jeopardy. I felt pretty dejected earlier today about the possibility of being let go. I'm doing my best to remain positive and deal with this stress in healthier ways. Fortunately I have a solid support system with my family and this forum. Looking forward to reaching the 2 week mark.

 

Relapsed. Day 0

 

I accept the challenge. Bring it on. @Batty Belfry

 

Sign me in and put me into Vigilantes!

 

Anyway, I would suggest adding more characters, like Penguin, Catwoman, The Enigmist, Bane, Firefly, Harley Quinn and others, so that the challenge will be more intriguing.

 

Relapsed twice last night. The chaser effect got me. I was drinking with my roommates beforehand and brought another beer into my room to drink by myself before going to bed (not a good combo). Made the mistake of keeping my phone with me and that led to full relapses. I've made a new rule to not drink solo under any circumstance.

I think my brain wanted a dopamine hit to deal with the possibility of losing my job and the stress from all that's going on with the world. I'm not as depressed about the relapses as I thought I would be. I'm picking myself up by going for a hike this weekend and cooking some healthy food.

Here's some vulgar encouragement from comedian Bill Burr that helps me keep trying:

 

day 332! Today I worked out.

 

Thank you, @Batty Belfry

 

Just try to copy and paste my name after the @

 

day 10 here, you want to know how ive been doing it, whenever a urge hits i run from it

 

Batty Belfry eyyy buddy, I'm now on my 16th day as of today hehe

 

Relapsed on day 87.
It started with porn. I think trying to satisfy my girlfriends desires for sex while maintaining my desires for semen retention triggered fetishes of sexual denial. This led me back to porn. Made it 2 months without an orgasm, even while having sex with my girlfriend . . . but slipped up and had an O a few days ago. Then came the chaser effect, throw in a trigger or two yesterday and last night I woke up and MO'd in the middle of the night.
This might be obvious to some, but it shows me that looking at porn will eventually lead to masturbation. Ugh. It feels innocent enough if I don't touch, but it got me hooked and I was compulsively looking at porn for that dopamine rush nearly every day. It could even be why I was not able to hold back my orgasm with my girlfriend.
I have reset my counter and @Batty Belfry I am just a little baby Robin again.

 

Thank you for the thoughtful and supportive reply. All was certainly not for naught. The real trouble is in my head. Looking at porn on its own triggers addictive responses in my brain chemistry. As a fantasy addict, I can get high as a kite on mere thoughts alone. Having sex without orgasm can be a beautiful thing. It can also be a very pleasurable and exciting sexual thing. But I need to work hard and be constantly vigilant lest my addictive brain perverts such activities by imagining that I am not in control or that somehow I am being punished.
Part of that journey is based in time. It takes battling for many days without succumbing to reach the higher levels of batman status.

And, on that note, congratulations on advancing to Crime Fighter!!