My journey to get free from PMO even when i had an awful day (NO CHALLENGES)

Indeed, this is a thing that isn't just in the past but affects our present and future, it's not just a consumed fact, it affects who we are today =/ But we still can change mate, don't matter what happened before or if we didn't have a good day... I also wish you strengh, we gonna make it, no way back, don't matter what.

 

Yeah! the effect of the time in our journey is also dangerous, it's like the more you stay away from it and don't be aware, the more are the chances to relapse, very very dangerous. The things i've been doing to remind myself daily about the postnut feeling are praying, reading holy books and meditation, it's been working to me. Thank you for remind me Jarad, who knows if you saved me from relapsing now?

 

I'm feeling very suspicious about myself, must be aware

Things are so good to be true since i had those weird and awfull consecutive wetdreams. People say it happens because you are healing, but isn't it a mid to long term process? I say this because i'm not feeling any urges, i'm okay, sometimes a thought come to my mind but it's weak and goes away very easily. I'm worried for feeling well, yes, i'm being more productive everyday and the urges are almost none or very easy to deal with. Also, sometimes i really really hate porn, with all my forces, i really see this thing as an awful action and very disgusting, sometimes i feel like this too. I dunno, maybe it's really a good and new thing that i'm experiencing here, that's very good, but i'm feeling suspicious. I must be aware and keep my guard up, i don't want any surprises, i want it to last the most as possible. I'm feeling confident and commited, that's amazing.

 

Yeah, i feel drained after a wetdream. That's because it's really disgusting. But i think it's all my fault, my routine is really messed up lately. Anyways, sometimes the answer to our problems is right in front of us, my problem is that my sleep is messed up, i also need to take care of my food habits to see if i have a decrease on wetdreams in the future, i think my case is the opposite of you xD

 

I'm feeling better, and it's been a problem to me.

what happens is that i'm not transmutating my sexual energy correctly, i've been searching about this topic and that's what i notice. I don't have a determined routine, only daily-goals, i don't set a time to start or finish. I've been dealing with my goals that way for three years, but i think it's time to add some routine to it. The same time i have all that energy, i don't know how to use it. I meditate for 15 minutes everyday and pray, but it's time to add some technique to it. I stopped taking cold showers cause i didn't find a reason, i need to understand why i am doing all these things, but i think now it's time to start with cold showers again, the purpose is because of the several wet-dreams i had and three in a roll (which is really weird just thinking about it), also i need to be more aware of my food habits . Honestly, the urges are gone, i don't have any desire to watch porn or masturbate, only sometimes in the day i imagine some porn scenes but the time i notice i kill it. I need to have a strategy to have a even more productive day and reduce the wetdreams.

 

Thank you man! i'm dealing better with it, i slept better today and it kinda helped me

 

Feelling a bit weird today

short story, i had a conversation with my boss and i couldn't express myself as before. It's like before i used to wear a mask to hide my innerself. And now i feel weird, i couldn't express myself well to him, had to repeat the process several times, a subject that i understand and i was aware of.

 

I really think i don't know what i'm capable of:

Pornography really messes up with our brains, in all aspects of life. A month ago i wrote about a exam i had, i thought i wouldn't pass, but i did it, they called me to the next steps of the process, i'm very happy. But also, i'm asking myself what the hell was going on inside my mind, cause i was totally sure i wouldn't do it, but i did, better than many people i thought would smash it. Lack of confidence is dangerous, we are capable of amazing things, but we keep pushing ourselves behind. God willing i'm getting free, day by day of this, it's something i had to cope with since the school days, i never fit in any group, i was always the weird, silent and lonely guy. Anyway, the challenges come to prove me that i'm wrong and i'm capable of believe in myself and reach my dreams.

 

It's crazy to come here after all this time and write what i'm about to say, these were amazing months away from PMO.
I've never been capable of beating this for such a long period of time, i'm proud of myself and at same time sad, because i relapsed, which means i'm still sick and i'm not 100% clean, and that's my goal here, to have Porn as something demeaningful and never look back, and worked for amazing 100+ days (when before Nofap it only worked out for 15 days).
I want to share what i've learned from all this period, and it is that the enviroment plays a huge share in this process. It may seem obvious, but i felt it and experienced it throughout my healing process.
In the past three months i've been pretty busy and productive, but that all happened because of my enviromental change. I had to leave my house for three to four times a week to swimming classes and for work and to run with some friends, it was a really tough period, but that worked perfectly beating this addiction.
Being busy is great, but for that, i needed an enviromental change, and that's what helped me.
Well, what happened is that i relapsed yesterday and i know the reason. That's because my enviroment changed, and here i am for almost three weeks inside my house accumulating boredom and being alone in my room studying or helping at the home tasks. And for no appearent reason i simply decided to PMO and have a dopamine discharge. And as all of you know i felt nothing after O .I'm feeling a bit sad because of that but i know it's temporary, i really don't care anymore about the days cause even after all this time i relapsed, which means i need to change my beliefs, it has more to do with replacement of beliefs than days. I set my counter for tomorrow and for now own i'm gonna simulate a more pleasant enviroment in my room.