The START 2021 STRONGER Challenge [CLOSED]

Day 29 done
Day 30

 

A lot of comments here. Too many to respond to individually. Some people relapsing and/or struggling.

I'll just say this.

One of the best bits of advice I've heard has been just this: "Focus on the progress, not the gap".

As @BrohkenCompass said, all the time we aren't even aware of the problem, is time we are losing.

The fact that we are even here now, is a win. The fact that you are aware of the problem and working to correct it is a win.
Focus on that more than the relapse or urges you're experiencing.

 

Day 33 for me

 

Checking in, just hit day 100 today. Really helpful messages on this thread. Keep it up, stay strong!

 

In a good place here. I’m definitely feeling the benefits of the process a little more now. Yesterday, I had the stamina to keep going for a couple of extra hours doing housework compared to any time in recent years, as I used to before I fell off the wagon. I think this must be my longest streak in two years, now. Today is day 59, so the next two days are milestone days - the big 60, and two calendar months.

The urges seem to be massively reduced now, if at all. Some things which were triggers are now not having any effect. But I know this isn’t it. It carries on. Urges will return, be it when this flat spell is over, when I go through a period of stress, when I see certain images, even having certain clothes touch me. Whenever they appear, I need to remember that PMO is not the answer. It never was, and it never will be.

 

Gonna be honest. I had a wet dream. I don't count it as a strike, but it happened.

I'm becoming more and more conscious of urges and my goals, even in my sleep.

I was aware enough in the dream to remember that it was my intention not to do such a thing.
This time I was only certain on that after ejaculation though.

I've had dreams in which I managed not to ejaculate despite the urges, and "turn away".

It's all good.

Day 34: Keep going

 

For everyone finding success right now, what has been working for you?

I feel like a lot of us struggle to get past the 14-30 day mark, but once you are there it becomes easier. This makes sense because it takes 30 days to create a new habit and right now we're fighting uphill against ingrained behavior and bad habits.

So what helped you get past those initial 2 weeks?

 

I have a list of "tools" that I draw on in response to various triggers or urges. And, I come to this site for inspiration and information. Previously, I posted (#820 on this group) an excellent summary here from another member that I read every day to reaffirm my intention. Check it out.

 

Day 31

 

Day 27 in the books...

Obsessive thoughts have plagued me lately. Not even because I am focusing on somebody, or something. They literally are dropping in on me super randomly. In traffic, at the gym, at the restaurant. I won't be focused on any kind of sex at all, and out of the blue, an obsessive thought, or euphoric recall will drop into my brain.

I laughed at myself a little today, because I had to asked myself "What do you expect? You're only on day 27".

So, it looks that I am right where I am supposed to be. A bit of a mess (ha!). I think this is better than trying to make this some groomed process, where everything is supposed to feel yippee skippy, and I am all better and no emotions over here, I got this.

One statement I am borrowing from a different fellowship: "This too shall pass"

I am really looking forward to gettin a month.

Cheers,
Tim

 

For me, just knowing that I can’t go back to how I was living. The hiding things from my wife, the emptiness of the solo act, the fact I was doing it to get out of a low mood, but it was only adding to it. Reframing PMO and making any alternative option an improvement (which it is) really helped. I’d also recommend reading books or listening to audios with positive affirmations, it really boosts the self-belief when it has been lacking.

 

Stay strong. I'm a couple weeks ahead of you and I get a calm day or two and then a day (or two) of constant sex-related thoughts. Like you said, sometimes it is not even specific, just generalized waves of all things P, Psubs, etc. It can easily lead me to more specific thoughts and urges and to act out. But I have been able to stay clean. At least daily I read the summary I posted in #820 here. It helps me.

 

Solid post here from @BrohkenCompass. I'm 30+ years addicted to PMO too. In June of this year I joined this site. Have I been totally clean since that day in June? No. BUT in the last four months (120 days) I've not PMO'd on at least 100 days. Given that I was PMO 2x daily plus binges before nofap I feel like this is great progress. And so should anyone on here that is clean for even one day. One day clean is better than continuing daily addict behavior. Stay in the game everyone!