35 and Older Accountability Group

Am I in this group? I said yes but not sure as I don't see anywhere to go in this group on my profile. Thanks.

 

I started masturbation at the young age of 12, and I am 42 now. How many days/ months you guys think will be required to reboot my brain? I am going hard-mode. Thanks.

 

Thank you for your reply. I am sorry. I am completely new to this forum and finding it hard to move around. I would activate the counter but where to go for that? Thanks.

 

I am on my 57th day and I really need to join a group that is for older people like me. Thanks.

 

I think I have activated the counter. Could you please confirm that? Thanks.

 

1000 mg is a lot of caffeine. It may hurt your kidney in a long run. You should reduce your caffeine intake.

 

So much in my head today.
Even though I went to a chatroom for 1 hour today, that's not the worst. It's not 3 or 5 hours. And it wasn't days of it. I had none the 2 days before. So not the worst.
Also, just got a lot of hard work done on my computer without going to porn/chatrooms. It feels so good. Feels better than porn. I'm the opposite of a werewolf . Once a month, I change. I become myself. I really accomplish things. Then I go back to porn addict.

Also been listening to a really good audio book about sex addiction. If anyone is interested it's called "Breaking the Cycle" by George N Collins. It's on Audible. I'm realizing that I was exposed to a lot of things that weren't normal when I was a kid. I mean sex related things. I wasn't molested or anything. But I stumbled into it when I was maybe 12. I can see how different my own kids are at the same ages. I didn't see sex or females the way a regular person should. I know it.

 

Thank you! I must admit I have done some peeking in this streak (without M'ing or even getting aroused), which in previous times I would have counted as a relapse. But I wanna try to see the effect of being a little less hard on myself and in that way seeing the days go up and getting encouraged to keep doing better, instead of having the discouraging effect of staying in the low numbers every time.

 

Thursday check in - going for 7 days and now on 3....

 

Day 29 of sober October.

no P! I lingered on some racy ads but nothing crazy. This week I feel the urge to look though. It’s been almost two months of no P for me.

i M’ed 4-5 times this month. I am learning to be kinder to myself but I also wish I had more will power when it comes to sexuality. I hope it will come as I continue to avoid P.

still no booze (with one exception, being drinking on a date with my wife last week).

 

Day 45 - @Merry Terry mentioned "taking a peek". I was wondering if it would have the same effect as it used to. I've been feeling pretty strong lately so as an experiment I had a look at a P site. Whatever grasp these images used to have on my brain, at least today in this moment, is substantially gone. It was almost like I was looking at a blank screen. The imagery was of no interest to me. I clicked on a couple of pics and nothing, no response from me in any way. I closed the site and went about my day. Now, I have to be very vigilant that this peek didn't crack open a door to acting out that I'll come back to at some point in the near future. But I followed up this experiment with my daily affirmation reading to reinforce my good habits and I guess the "re-wiring" of my brain that might be happening. Something positive is happening because I would have not responded (eg. no response) in this way to these images four months ago before I started nofap. In a way this experiment was a very positively reinforcing action - there was absolutely no attraction to viewing P, so I don't feel any need to go back. I ain't missing anything. So friends, success is possible. Stay on your path to improvement. Every moment, every hour, every day of staying clean creates more possibilities for you to become free of the PMO addiction and to become a better man. Be Strong All.

 

Thank you for reminding me. It never has the same effect as it used to, at first.

It's only when the brain wakes up and starts firing dopamine that it becomes exhilarating.

All it takes is a crack and the door can be opened a little further the next time, once a view as to what's inside has been glimpsed.

It's when i least expect it that it will take hold of me, and i'll say "F'it!" I won't even see it coming. It will be in the middle of a viewing sesh, the wash of dopamine reinforcing my once dormant behavior. Because it's still inside, waiting for me to open that door, and just a little more next time.

I find myself on Pinterest often looking at "pretty faces". This is like walking a tightrope over a minefield. All i need to see is one bra or panty ad and stare a little longer than i should. I'd be finished before my hand reached for my cock.

 

All good points. And thank you for the reminder. I won't be trying that "experiment" again.

 

Indeed. The temptation is great. I tell myself it's 'so easy to look stuff up' and 'what's the big deal?' I've been on such thin ice though lately. I know a reset is in my future. I just cant allow myself to look at P. Especially not after all i've been made aware of. I just can't allow myself to but i'm still tempted to look and want to even more. If that makes any sense.

For the record, MO makes me feels so much worse when P is involved. I could stand and MO session at this point but i won't be doing that either. At least not today i won't be.

Tomorrow is another day.

 

I often think of what this Buddhist monk says about porn addiction:

You might find it interesting. Basically what he says (I'll summarize very shortly for you ) is that the only way of really getting rid of your addiction is by not avoiding it by looking at the porn and just really seeing it for what it is. This is easier said than done of course, and in the past I would take peeks and have no interest in it, but then the memory of what I'd seen would stick with me and lead to a relapse some time later. So, be careful. But I do agree with that Yuttadhammo Bhikkhu that to really grow and progress, you'll have to eventually just look at porn and see it for what it is, and then consciously and calmly decide to walk away from it.

 

Day 45 - feeling calm. Focused on proper tasks without any distractions of P. What a nice feeling. We all know our triggers and stressors that can appear over the weekend, so let's be aware of that and be ready to deal with those issues if they come up. Stay strong

 

Thanks for sharing this. Can't say enough about what I am learning from the members here to help battle my addiction. I'm very grateful.

 

Had a couple of good days but not today. Slept terrible last night - that always makes for a dangerous day in my case. I really want to get back on track before the end of the year. I tell myself that all the time and then I screw up again.