The Need to Feel Miserable (A never ending cycle)

I've struggling with porn for years now since i've met NoFap. I sometimes feel like this is a loss battle i keep relapsing, now that i broke up with my gf (we've been 3 years) i find really hard to release all that urges in a healthy way.

How do you manage it?

It's like i am good for a couple of days, especially the moment after a good shower, i feel good spirit and feeling good with myself but then a couple of days pass and its like unconsciously i WANT to feel bad, so i start eating shit, not shaving, chasing urges and fap, and not even showering for a couple of days. I don't know sometimes i feel like i want to feel miserable and dirty just to hit bottom and then one day i push myself to get a shower and feel clean and be in good spirit and be up again.

But it's like cycle that i keep bouncing between two states.

I dont know if you can relate or if you even understand something, but anyway i have to get it out of my chest

 

Thank you so much for your kind words! really i appreciated it, i never thought it that way. Thank u!