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Is it me or just wrong girlfriend?

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Mracu, Oct 31, 2020.

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  1. Oct 31, 2020 #1
    Mracu

    Mracu Fapstronaut

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    My girl leaves in another city & we can't have regular sex often. We sometimes do virtual sex. But it's basically just a masturbation under supervision. She's not a seduction expert and she doesn't know how to drive me to pleasure. I am quite polyamorous and she's very jealous and superstitious. I don't want to upset her but I can't stay like this either. I can't explain to her and I can't reach such level of understanding that sex and commitment are different things. It's depressing.

    I was willing to do nofap to transform my energy into sexual freedom. I have met my girlfriend and thank's God, I am really grateful. But I still suffer. I feel very alienated and lonely. I don't have her and I can't have anyone else. If I do, I have to hide my feelings, I can't express love. I have to it on the down low and feel guilt.

    What's wrong with me?
    Is it me, who's just spoiled, a pervert sex-addict or is it else? How to solve dilemma?

    Please help!
     
    Mracu, Oct 31, 2020
    Mracu, Oct 31, 2020
    #1
  2. Oct 31, 2020 #2
    AtomicTango

    AtomicTango Fapstronaut

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    I'm not a relationship expert but I really dont think polyamory is a good idea. Even if everyone involved is "OK" with it I just cannot envision a scenario where it doesnt radically increase the chances of the relationship going wrong. While I can understand sexual urges and not being able to get sex when you want it from a partner, if you arent willing to stay loyal to this one girl, maybe you should reconsider why you are in the relationship to begin with, especially when it seems like she isnt fine with being polyamorous. Have you considered moving in together?
     
    AtomicTango, Oct 31, 2020
    AtomicTango, Oct 31, 2020
    #2
    Oliver Gunter, LilD and Supination like this.
  3. Oct 31, 2020 #3
    Mracu

    Mracu Fapstronaut

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    Hi!

    Yes, sure, to move together it's our plan & dedication. And, yeah, true, you might be right. But you know, sometimes I think of life of some people like swingers, visitors of sex parties, millionaires, etc., etc., to whom it's not a big deal to have a couple of lovers...

    Why to someone it's real and to other it's just a pain in the ass and barely possible?
     
    Mracu, Oct 31, 2020
    Mracu, Oct 31, 2020
    #3
  4. Oct 31, 2020 #4
    AtomicTango

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    The grass is always greener, as the saying goes. What is it that appeals to you about those lifestyles? Is it just the sex? That seems awfully shallow if that is the case. Surely a meaningful and fulfilling relationship with a woman who loves you is better than having lots of sex with women who dont?
     
    AtomicTango, Oct 31, 2020
    AtomicTango, Oct 31, 2020
    #4
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  5. Oct 31, 2020 #5
    Supination

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    Well said Atomic.
    Couldn't agree more.
     
    Supination, Oct 31, 2020
    Supination, Oct 31, 2020
    #5
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  6. Nov 1, 2020 #6
    LilD

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    Do you think it makes them happy, or do they simply try to fill the inner emptiness, substitute something important with a surrogate?
     
    LilD, Nov 1, 2020
    LilD, Nov 1, 2020
    #6
  7. Nov 1, 2020 #7
    JoeinUSA

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    Do you mean she left to live in another city? Or, she always lived in another city? If so, why did she move? How far is she?
     
    JoeinUSA, Nov 1, 2020
    JoeinUSA, Nov 1, 2020
    #7
  8. Nov 2, 2020 #8
    Mracu

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    basically, she is from another country, it's like 3k miles. And you know, Covid, all these lockdowns
     
    Mracu, Nov 2, 2020
    Mracu, Nov 2, 2020
    #8
  9. Nov 2, 2020 #9
    Mracu

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    thanks for a reply, AtomicTango.

    You know, it's not an easy to answer your question. You know, maybe it's just me, a man, who is so sensitive or it's just me being heartbroken a couple of times so badly.

    Maybe I have become a misogynist...
    You know, I am from country where girls are keen to blow you on a first date when you arrived on a Lexus, even though you're just a driver and you boss gave it to to wash it

    and they look at you with a disgust when you have an old honda and just want to find peace and don't play tricks and be honest...

    So, you know, I can clean my home by myself, I can cook by myself, I can have some friends, I can pay for a psychotherapist, and have sex for the money with anyone from the list anytime I want. Isn't it a solution when noone of the women warmed my soul and didn't want anything in return?

    and you know, I am optimist and I would really love to consciously choose to be with one partner for my life
     
    Mracu, Nov 2, 2020
    Mracu, Nov 2, 2020
    #9
  10. Nov 2, 2020 #10
    Mracu

    Mracu Fapstronaut

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    I don't know, I have never been to but sometimes I feel like i just don't want to feel anything, don't play a game
     
    Mracu, Nov 2, 2020
    Mracu, Nov 2, 2020
    #10
  11. Nov 2, 2020 #11
    AtomicTango

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    Well I cant speak to your personal experiences with women but it seems to me that just because you had some very negative experiences with women doesnt mean you should debase yourself and become shallow as some sort of reaction to that. If you want to be with one woman who loves you and is the right match for you, then this is what you should try to attain. Dont lower yourself just for the sake of easy sex and instant gratification, in the short term you might feel alright with it but in the ling term I doubt you will feel the same.
     
    AtomicTango, Nov 2, 2020
    AtomicTango, Nov 2, 2020
    #11
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  12. Nov 3, 2020 #12
    Mracu

    Mracu Fapstronaut

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    So true. Thank you
     
    Mracu, Nov 3, 2020
    Mracu, Nov 3, 2020
    #12
    AtomicTango likes this.

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