Very worried

I always believed (falsely) that I was "above" and better, so things like the power of suggestion didn't apply to me. Man let me tell you, that cuck porn is Brainwashing 101, same with the sissy porn. You see it the first time and you think it's hot. And I am not judging cucks or sissies in any way. You like it, that makes you happy - awesome. Hell I enjoyed the cuck lifestyle with my wife...until our marriage went south recently (and the cuck stuff has been going on for YEARS). But the porn? I am realizing that the more I watch porn of specific topics, the more I can't get off to anything else. When I was younger, hell yea 2 girls 1 guy. I wanted that. It got to the point where it was the only sexual thing I could think about. Then I fell in love and she cheated on me. We broke up, but then I saw cuck porn. In my brain, cuckolding was the best way to prevent a future partner from cheating on me. It was a control mechanism. I could control the entire situation by being a cuck. Two relationships failed along those lines, and I didn't learn. I kept watching cuck porn, thus I couldn't think of anything else. Failures weren't MY fault.
I did start watching sissy porn. At first it was hot seeing a very small endowed guy look so pretty, then getting manhandled by an alpha. But I started seeing myself less as the alpha and more as the sissy. Just as I saw myself being more as the cuck.
The me of 20-30 years ago would have kicked my ass today for being this way.
Porn + masturbation = conditioning. I have no doubts about that at all.
Hell, it's the secondary reason why I am here. I need to break that conditioning and become the alpha male I used to be.

 

This is my first day here. I am still reading about all the things offered. So I will say yes to being accountability partners, but I need to learn about it too. Is there a post that talks about it?

 

Disregard. Found the post.