The Importance of Having a Value Structure

Hello all. I am making this post in order to share my thoughts. Today I relapsed hard again. I find myself feeling weakened by my continual self sabotage. This is due to me having no self control over what I end up watching. Just today I watched a YouTube video containing a cute woman and then I found myself down the rabbit hole of p again. This is unfortunate because I keep telling myself I will remain strong. I decided that after this most recent failure that I would start to live by my values once again.

So often it seems that we as men are being told to weaken ourselves into the submission of modern culture. To conform to the new set of nihilistic, hedonistic, impulsive values. Today I wrote down all of the values that I hold to be true. These values are unshakeable. Things such as Loyalty, Honesty, and Patience just to name a few. I went down the list of all of the things I think I need to work on in order to become a better person. My plan is to memorize my values, and what they represent so that no matter the situation I will have the proper set of tools to deal with it. The way I thought about it today is that our minds are toolboxes full of various parts and collections of tools that we can use to navigate the world. If we do not take care of and respect our tools they will get rusty and lose integrity. Meaning that in a dire situation they may not function well enough to pull you out of said situation.

So this value structure I have set up will act as a filter for the decisions I make, as well as helping me to make better choices in the future. I can not say much about how well this method works, as I am just now attempting to solidify it. My thinking is that if I can ensure I have the base traits down of a good man then I will be able to control myself and make good decisions from there. For instance let’s say I am getting a very powerful urge. I remove myself from the situation, and remind myself that this action is not inline with my beliefs or who I am as a person. Sounds so simple right? I don’t think I have ever taken this approach for most situations. Maybe it is because I am still young (18) and am not disciplined yet. But I want to refine what makes me reliable, and sharpen my toolkit so I can remain grounded no matter what. Going back to the urges my belief is that I can run a situation through let’s say Honesty. I could think to myself that by doing said action I am not being honest to my friends and family, because this is not something that the person they know I am would be doing. Second it is not being honest to myself as well as the foundational value structure. The list could go on as I run it through each of my held values until I am back to a state of being able control myself fully.

While I do not think this will come very easy I think it is necessary to keep myself on the right track. This will go into other areas too. Shaping myself into the man who is disciplined enough to finish my schooling. To get the job I want want. (Firefighter). I am sick of hearing about the moral relativism that so many people argue we should have when looking at the world. I will start with myself and hopefully things will fall into place.

If you have any thoughts on this topic comments would be greatly appreciated. I have a few questions for anyone who would like to discuss with me. I will hopefully post on this thread and keep a list of what is happening, and what I have found from each value. Will probably post a full list of my values. First question, what are your values that you can call back on when you are going through a rough time, or a time that may lead to relapse? Do you have a strict schedule that you enforce on yourself to keep yourself on track? If you could start doing one thing to further yourself towards success (not just avoiding p) what would it be?

 

So by writing about my thoughts that is somehow reinventing someone else’s teaching? This is a plan for my moral absolutes that I can live by. If you don’t like it, fine. Do not group me or anyone else into a group of those who “need” their “moral absolutes”. My personal beliefs are if I don’t live by my internal code I will be lead astray. You aren’t philosophical for trying to make it seem as though you have the high ground for not having any solid anchor points in the world. Get over yourself and stop spreading negativity on a site where people are trying to make themselves better.

 

I appreciate your comment. I see how my post may make it seem that I am just going to use my will power to stop myself from PMO. I like your idea of having a while Arsenal of things to do if one gets urges. For me I have been keeping myself busy as much as possible. And the time I’m not using to do something productive I am trying to focus on trying to improve my values. I think a good balance would be wise. A mixture of habit as well as the self reflection to make changes. For me positive habits have been setting up a schedule to follow, eating a healthy protein rich diet, and setting up time to talk to my friends about any problems. I know what you mean when you talk about the urges overcoming. It is almost like it’s a completely different person who is in my head before I relapse. I hope that this balance I seek will help to bring me a bit more control over this battle. Thanks again!