SO Issues

So how frequent is your porn use? That would be the first place to start. How often do you masturbate to porn? How long have you been doing it, and if you stopped how long has it been? I assume since you chose this site, that you're familiar with PIED (porn induced ED)?

 

Yes it is. This is the cause of your sexual performance issues. I would first recommend you google and take a quick online survey regarding porn or even sex addiction (sex addiction surveys work just as well, just replace sex with porn). This will at least give you and unbiased indicator as to whether or not you're an addict.

There's 2 possibilities here. Either you are addicted to porn, or somehow you are part of the extreme minority that is not. If you aren't, then quite simply your PIED will resolve over time as long as you do not look at porn or masturbate. You've desensitized yourself to the point that your body no longer works with real life women and only with the fantasy that porn provides.

If you are addicted to porn, you must enter into porn recovery. There are many resources, even on this site, that explain what that entails. It's more than just abstinence. It requires work and effort to transform yourself into a man that does not turn to porn as an escape. If you do nothing other than stop, the chances of you returning to porn are a guarantee, because you're an addict.

This forum is an amazing place for you to get help, feedback, and the truth about porn addiction. I also strongly suggest you educate yourself, starting with yourbrainonporn.com. Once you eliminate all of your denial and accept that you have a problem, you can work to recover from it and have an amazing life filled with intimate connections with your SO and your future wife. I'm happy to answer whatever questions you may have.

I'm not going to lie - yes, it takes time. The exact amount of time is different for everyone, but the minimum standard time is 90 dies without porn (P) or masturbating (M). There can also be no porn substitutes (P-Subs). Your brain is currently wired to chase porn. In order for your brain to rewire itself to not chase porn, you must abstain and train it to cope using healthier habits.

Do not be afraid of the time. Anything worth doing takes a huge amount of time. People don't become successful overnight. It takes years of effort and commitment. You're 25 years old, which is an amazing opportunity to expunge porn from your life and become a man that will naturally attract women you can make a life with.

 

I have experience with PIED but not with DE when it comes to porn use. However, I've known many men on this site that have had problems with DE. I believe the same mechanisms are at work. If you have no problem ejaculating to porn, then you have PIDE (I don't know if that's a real acronym or not, but it works). The only way to determine if your DE is related to porn or not - drum roll - is to stop watching porn. It really is that simple. Choosing to stop porn is easy. Staying off it is incredibly difficult and is what takes the work.

I think a lot of the porn induced sexual issues we addicts experience is due to our inability to emotionally connect to our SOs. There is zero emotional connection required with porn. If we train our bodies to become aroused and O to porn, we've trained ourselves to disconnect our emotions from the physical act. When you're in a relationship with someone you care about, it's impossible to fully disconnect your emotions. Therefore, when it comes time to be sexually intimate, your brain doesn't know what to do. It's not wired for it. So it shuts down - which manifests itself as ED and DE.

If you continue to have issues with your SO, be honest with her about your recovery and what you're doing to help yourself. There's also a way for you to help develop your emotional and sexual intimacy without actually performing - look up karezza method for that. Don't lose hope, but you must commit. Don't expect perfection, because that's impossible. I've been in recovery for over 5 years, and this is the longest streak I've managed to have during that time. Recovering from porn addiction is one of the most difficult you will ever do, but if you stick with it - even if you end up losing your girlfriend - it will be worth it in the end. Eliminate porn and addiction from your life, and you will thrive and be free.

I do have to get off this site and get some work done, but I'm on here every day except the weekends. Start a journal in your age group so you can document your progress. It's worth it.

 

Well, my work is shot for the morning for multiple reasons. I'll have to work to get stuff done after lunch, so here we go...

Thanks for the kind words. I've been helped so much by others that I'm starting to find I need to give back. This community has some brilliant minds in it and is an incredible resource.

Click on Forums at the top. Scroll to the bottom and you'll find the Reboot Logs section. Click on your age group, Ages 25-29. Click on Post New Thread, give your new journal a title, and you're off to the races. I recommend your age group simply because you'll also get a lot of support from others your age who are on the same journey, but you're obviously free to look at other journals and comment on those that connect with you. I spend most of my time in the Ages 40+ section since I'm 45 and I get a lot of amazing advice and support from men my age, but the support comes from everywhere the longer you're on the forums.

I've not used ED meds, so take what I have to say with a grain of salt. Don't take this as gospel, but I'll share what I've heard and what I've read mixed with my own experience. ED meds are a solution to physiological problems. The older men get, the more physiological problems they have, the more popular ED meds are. If you have no problem getting and maintaining and erection with porn. If you also have no problem orgasming and ejaculating to porn, you do not have a physiological problem. Everything below your belt is working just fine. Your problem is in the brain as I explained in my previous post. Therefore, from what I've heard, there's a strong chance ED meds won't work on you for that very reason. They're targeting a problem you don't have.

I don't think it's a question of ethics or being counter-productive, but I do think that based on what you've written thus far, the better route is to first try a natural remedy of abstinence from PM before taking drugs that may have negative side-effects and also has the unfortunate habit of burning a hole in your wallet.

All of this requires patience. Depending on how bad it is, it may take longer. Or, you may find your sexual problems improving within days or weeks. Don't lose heart. If your issues do subside quickly, please refocus on the long game. The benefits of eliminating porn from your life far exceed sexual issues.