The START 2021 STRONGER Challenge [CLOSED]

One of my biggest tools is asking myself - can I share this behavior with those closest to me? "um, dearest wife, I spent the three hours you were out running errands with my phone in one hand and my other hand wanking - that's all good, right?" Being able to maintain honesty in that regard and not have to hide my behavior is very liberating. Eliminating the stress of lying and making sure my tracks are covered is very comforting. And healthy.

 

@Ian Of Freelandia - I agree with you, sharing my journey here has been the key to me making it to 60+days clean after a 30+year addiction. The support received here is invaluable. Thanks all and stay strong.

 

Must be a good feeling, keep on going man.

 

Day 48.

I dont have much to say, other than things are still going well. Not always easy, but neither is the alternative. Rather have the struggle of healing than the guilt and remorse of relapse.

Hope all is going well for everybody.

 

Strike #4 for me @BrohkenCompass

In all honesty it should probably be more than that. I've been watching and sometimes masturbating to P/Psubs. I tried to justify that if I don't ejaculate then it doesn't count as a relapse, but that was just a lie to make myself feel better. The patterns leading up to and following are exactly the same.

So I'm clearly stating to myself that if I intentionally look at any Psubs or P that counts as a relapse. For further motivation if I relapse before the end of the year then there will be a large financial penalty.

 

Day 37.
On my longest streak this year.
Last night some silly images popped up on the screen where I was streaming a movie from. No urge or triggers to act out. Simply they were there and I ignored them. It's only early days but I believe I'm on my way to recovery.
Live is easier without PMO

 

Negative incentives are a lot more motivating for me, but if there is something I come across then I'll add it as a reward for myself.

 

Hey man, loved this. So identified aswell. Some minutes/hours/days you feel like you are flying by the seat of your pants. All the time you don't Fap you are building and strengthening that previously unexercised muscle of SELF CONTROL.

To be human is to be simultaneously blessed and cursed. We are blessed with this mind, and thoughts and consciousness and hands / opposable thumbs to bring things into existence. If only we will feed our minds with good things and spirituality, then the rest will follow.

I honestly wish that I'd never discovered P! It truly is the devils work. Slowly over time I will start to feel disgust with myself for how I have behaved and acted during my addiction. That's natural, and I have to embrace and accept these feelings.

I also feel there is a great deal of atonement to be done for the bad I have carried out. As long as I stay clean, and be honest and keep to these new positive principles, the past wrongs will slowly fade to black.

Stay strong for us brother!

 

I got nothin, other than I have crossed into the fifties...Day 51. Feels good. This is the better choice.

still experiencing withdrawl at some point everyday, but its not worth going back to how it was. These 51 days have been earned and I do not want to start this process over and have to go through this again.

It’s not always about being happy either. It’s about living. I want to be part of and have connections and relationships with others. I have been so wrapped up in my own head for so many years, that I have missed out on a lot. Don’t want to live that way anymore.

Cheers.

 

Day 39.
Growing mentally stronger everyday.

 

83 days completed. Had my first counselling session today, and although I didn’t intend to, PMO and addictions came into the conversation. It was interesting to review how much of a negative influence it has had over my life. Very sad, but definitely interesting, and the times I’ve felt best definitely match up with times with no PMO.

There was also a dream last night that I did PMO. Feelings were mixed, but it was a dream, and when I awoke, it was gone again.

Earlier this week, my wife put a TV show on about art, and one section was about P. There was a time - and I fully expect there will be times in the future - where that was - and will be - a trigger. Thankfully, it wasn’t this time. But I had to leave the room to get away from it, just to make sure.

 

Day 59:

A lot worth noting has been said since I was here last.
I applaud each of you for your effort, success and for making necessary changes.
I'm there with you.

I had to confront a friend and coworker this morning about his poor behaviour towards me yesterday. He apologized.

The day before the same thing occurred with another person. He apologized at the end of the day when I saw him.

Anyway. It was progress for me to confront this person. And I definitely can see how NoFap gave me the resilincy, clarity and self respect to confront this matter.

I've dealt with some pretty poor behaviour from other people in my life. Most of the time I just let it slide and moved forward.
There are times it needs to be checked though. In the past, the shame of my actions with PMO left me incapable of calling these things out.
See, I knew I was acting in a way that wasn't right too and the fear of someone finding out kept me shut up.

Progress.

Keep going friends.