35 and older accountability, Group 2

I’ve been missing for a bit on the forum. I’m starting to get to 10-11 days and then I’d relapse. For the first couple of months on NoFap, I mainly avoided porn (have restrictions on phone) but found Reddit. I’m on day 5 now and hope to stay strong and make gains.

 

Day 78 - 80 A few days ago I was tempted by chaser effect (4 days after the fact) and had to work hard to stay clean. It's been calm since then. Really thankful for the fellowship here and the resources available that have helped me battle my PMO addiction after 30 years of daily indulgence. Stay strong.

 

I know hey - I am finding that it hits me in phases like randomly every 2 weeks or so I get hit with 1-2-3 days of temptations - then it cools off lol

Im eating fresh live organic food now and attempting to finish by 5:30 pm and no more snackin after i am finding a link between tongue and sexual organs they hit the same area of the brain i think and they increase desire

 

I have had another reset. Even with all the resets, I do actually care about having healthy sexuality. I will join the accountability Zoom calls this week.

 

Hi, looks like the group is full but please add me to the waiting list.

 

Day 83 - been thinking about finding something more productive to do with the free time made available by nofap. I've (re)established some habits like reading books (not bullshit internet crap) and a couple of other hobbies that went by the wayside because my go-to pastime was PMO. What a waste of time, and life, that was. Sometimes I look back and feel so badly about what I might have accomplished over the years had I not been an addict. But I take great satisfaction in being clean TODAY. Whilst I may be on last half-lap of lifespan (after wasting 30+ years on PMO up to this point) every day clean is a better day than the last. My experience of life, especially relationships with family and friends, is so much richer since I am not burdened by having to hide my activities. Being able to have an honest reply when the wife asks what I've been doing when I come up from the basement is a miraculous experience. Stay strong everyone as we approach the holidays.

 

Passed the 11 day mark. I hope to keep this going.

 

i love your share and humility.

as for the past thoughts sometimes when I find myself being haunted by past mistakes i like to use the phrase which I learned from Dr David R Hawkins the author of power vs force.

"I ask for forgiveness for that which was in me that _____(insert cause of guilt).

Example:

I ask for forgiveness for that which was in me that made me waste all those years.

The cool thing about this method is it separates the act from you - cause it says for that which was in me. so we take a stand as the conscious observer, separate from the condition / ego that caused those suffering.

 

Thank you for this. I think I've read something like this before maybe during course of some therapy I was doing. I need to refresh my understanding so I'll have a look into this.

 

Day 87 - holding steady, things have been calm except for a couple of very vivid images that appeared upon awakening one morning. They vanished quickly, no dwelling on the image by my thoughts, or thinking more about P in general. I do think my brain is re-wiring a bit. In the past, such images would establish a new trail of thought upon which I would hike down creating lots of nasty scenery for myself and generating the subsequent urges. Perhaps the mindful meditations I have been listening to is helping to create new pathways for my addict brain that do not lead to darkness. Actually this is pretty amazing - I never imagined what a (working on it - not done yet) PMO-free mind would feel like. And I must always make this point - how I relate to my family especially wife has never been better. The feeling of inner calm allows me to interact in a manner of which I am proud - kind, thoughtful, compassionate - instead of brusque and selfish. Stay strong.

 

That’s good to hear.

 

Awesome! Glad to be able to join! You guys seem like a pretty solid group...Lots of good posts and insights.

A little about me...I'm 35, married with kids. Long history of PMO compulsive behaviour. Functional addict basically.

Years ago, way before I knew anything about semen retention a friend told me that Native American men (pre-Columbus) didn't spill their seed unless they planned to have children. I found that amazing but it also seemed impossible. I now know it is possible because I'm becoming that man with some success.

I'm on day 70 of nofap/SR. I have relatively frequent sex so it's extra tricky but so far so good. This is my longest streak ever of doing this and thankfully my resolve remains in tact.

My short term goal is 120 days. Beyond that, I don't know. But I do know that I want to carry this on as a lifestyle in one form or another.

Hope to be able to learn and be inspired, and to also share my journey and insights.

 

@InnerMan Welcome to the group and congrats on your success so far.

 

Focused BUT lustful. Saw a beautiful woman today in yoga pants at a coffee shop, gawked for way longer than I should have. Normally, that would have been a trigger to a PMO binge, so while I feel strong internally I can't slouch.

It's funny that PMO always happens as a reaction to a FEELING. Feeling horny, feeling bored, feeling restless, feeling tired, feeling lazy, feeling agitated, feeling whatever. The feeling may be sensory, or it may be a mind state (combination of thought and emotion).

The capacity to OBSERVE the coming and going of feelings without acting on it is one of the KEYS that determine one's success on this journey. I treated that coffee shop woman like a piece of meat. I may yet pay the price for that, so I'm standing on my watchtower.

 

I can’t find my way back now.

 

Great awareness, and description. I think we can all relate to that happening many times.

Couple of suggestions/ideas comes to mind.

First is forgiveness practice. I find it helpful to reflect back to my lustful moments of the day - sometimes at night or sometimes right after - and just clean up by saying to myself "I ask for forgiveness for that which is in me that was lusting over her, or was seeking pleasure in seneses."

The other practice which has started to be very helpful for me is from the buddhist tradition. It is to take a human body and look at it from its entier being, including the intestines, the liver, kidly, bones, and hairs, and poop and yurin and puss and every smelly and not so good looking features under the skin, and be familiar with that image.

Then during the day when lustful images flash in front of our eye sight, and we find our self lusting, we realize, we are lusting over an illusion, because if we could see her entire being, including the inside organs and blood and every thing, there would be no attraction what so ever.

This alone ofcourse can not put an end to lust but its a helpful tool, I find modification to diet and living a contemplative life is the key and it is a life long battle/challenge/opportunity for us.

 

YES!!! On the money Dharma brother. Good blend of practices, one that's contemplative and the other that's of the heart. Shows that ultimately its two sides of the same coin.

Also dude, respect for your success so far it's tough to do in this day and age...keep it UP lol like they say, you gotta get it up if you wanna know God!

 

Why?

 

ha thanks man - I'm so thank and just taking it day by day, and always remembering we are always ONE slip away and walking on raisers Edge, i find this attitude helps me to not get ahead of myself, this powerful enemy is like a wild beast can appear out of no where and hypnotise us back to misery. The minute i feel i have a handle on it thats when it can attack me from an unknown angel so my intention is to always be a beginner.