The Lord of the Rings Challenge

Day 144

 

Day 1. Back on the horse.

 

Calling it a reset in my book and back to day 0

Had another slip and some edging. Better to be honest with myself and think of this 3rd slip and call it my 3rd strike. Cant keep making excuses for myself.

Onward and upward! Happy with my progress thus far!

 

Day 2.

 

Day 3

I am currently on two different streak. A no P streak (4 days) and a no MO streak (3 days). I am trying to make it through the rest of December into the new year maintaining my porn-free streak, and if I can go without MO resets, then great. However, I consider MO'ing without P a success even if I am trying to cut it out because while I gave into one urge, I managed to refrain from going in all the way. In terms of relapses for my global counter, I am only counting P and PMO, and MO is just counted as a reset of my counter and not a full relapse. My goal is that if I do MO again without P, then come January, my whole journey will be focused completely on PMO prevention including one off MO sessions. I know all of your views of MO, and I do think that it is unnecessary, and probably even dangerous for a porn addict, but at this point, I am just trying to focus on one aspect of recovery, as I slowly work back from the other. If I can make it to January 1st with no P or MO, then even better, and I will be motivated to make 2021 a new chapter in life. This time last year, I was PMO'ing almost everyday as I had convinced myself that I would give it up in the New Year. I made it about three days into the New Year and then I relapsed. However, my life has changed a lot since then and while I have had my fair share of binges, they are getting farther and fewer in between, and I am feeling good.

Best,
Mathman1994

 

You spend the night at the old Watchtower of Amon Sûl. PMO forces are lurking in the area.
25

 

Day 2 complete. Still an Orc. I'm thinking about leaving Sauron for a better sort of folk but idk. That Saruman fellow seems cool though. Wish I could be one of his Uruk-Hai...

 

I'm at Bree finally! The past 21 days have been very different from the first no PMO streak. Much more composed and calm than my first one. Earlier I was pretty excited to be doing this, took many half-ass decisions but now I try and give time before coming to any conclusion. Personally, it has been rewarding even though I have wasted more time on other distractions like Netflix etc. Getting it under control from now on. No additional fake dopamine.
The meditation part never really worked well for me. If anyone can suggest a good video series on youtube regarding meditation that has worked well for you, would love to start there. A lot of uncertainty lies ahead but I am confident of myself that I will stick to the resolve and make it stronger.
Emotionally, it has been a roller coaster ride - lots of confusion here and there. With time though, it keeps on getting better. In fact, not thinking about it makes it easier to go forward. I hope this continues - I feel peaceful overall and ready to take on challenges that have been waiting for me for a long time.
Thank you fellowship for your support, the journey begins to destroy the ring

“Legolas & Gimli on the walls of Helm’s Deep.” Artwork by John Howe.

 

Day 4 complete!

No running today, which means a cold shower and some pushups instead. I still hate cold showers with a passion but I can't deny the boost to willpower and discipline. Today was the first time this streak that I had a chance to see what the new porn blocker I installed could do and it worked great! I had an urge to peek at a certain person but nothing porn-related came up and I was able to shut out that mindset quickly!

This might sound weird and counterproductive at first, but something that might be able to help with a lack of motivation is the concept of "niksen," which you can read about in this article. It's a Dutch idea that more or less boils down to purposefully doing nothing as a form of stress relief. If you're in a moment where you don't have any motivation to act, you can mentally take charge and focus on turning it into a deliberate tool, instead of feeling like you're being controlled and it's hopeless.

 

Day 17 hobbit and onwards

 

Day 0 again.

I find these first days to be the hardest for me.

 

Day 23
My body has been pushing me too hard for the couple of days!!

 

Checking in for 1 week

 

Day 59 complete

 

Love it! The Freedom Fight was a game changer for me in my recovery

 

Just checking in. Feeling a little more clarity and confidence today.

 

Day 106: checking in

P blinds you. P has stunted your mental and physical growth ever since you first got addicted to it no matter how old you were. P took away your chance at becoming the shining human that you are meant to be. P has driven your life into an empty shell; it has sucked out from you the flesh that made you whole. Once you start to lift the fog of P over months and months of abstinence you will still have to face the child in you. You will still have to learn how to handle the trouble's of life. Recovery is not just abstinence of P, it is picking up the child within you and teaching them how to be an adult.

Onward!

 

Day 52, walking step by step.

 

That's exactly what I'm doing

 

3 Days Done