THE INTERSTELLAR CHALLENGE !

Checking in.
I don’t remember this being so hard!

 

May I be part on it as well @hoping_cannon? Looking forward to meet u at voyager!

 

Day 0 checking in

 

DAY 10 - FINDING CO-ORDINATES
Attempting to re-centre myself after crashing spectacularly back to the farm from Gargantua itself. On the face of it it's "simple"... Just do what I was doing before... Seemingly when I decided to start "Thinking Out", which lead to "Acting Out", I had forgotten the long and painful road I'd already taken to get to the singularity.

But this time I am safe in the knowledge that there is now one less excuse or reservation. i.e. The portable hard-drive stuffed with Porn is now completely erased - kapput, gone. This was done after my 3rd day of acting out, because I knew I'd had enough. I'm just happy that I was only in it for 3 days - in the past my relapses have lasted a lot longer - I put this down to the fact that I had a social engagement that I'd arranged when I was clean - and I had to go into it with at least a day clean.

Now with 11 days, I feel that I am beginning to regain my strength - I am still pained with the regret of what I did, after all I effectively threw away 3 months of recovery - but I cannot live my life experiencing regret for what is now the past. I will stay positive and focus on the many reasons I have to be happy.

The true test for me is can I go forth and make every day as productive as possible, not waste any more time. I have lost enough of myself to this disease, I will face my demons, I will change myself.

I can at least end 2020 on a positive note with nearly a month clean - and make a great start to 2021.

 

Thank you. I ended up relapsing 4 days ago, but I am now on Day 4 . I suppose masturbating in front of a mirror looks rather foolish. I have a full body mirror in my room, so if I want to MO, I may try that. With that said, I will keep my no PMO counter if only to act as a measure of the last time I MO'd. I have a no P counter on my phone. I had a dream that I had a wet dream where the wet dream was a dream of me looking at porn. When I woke up from my dream within a dream, I had had a wet dream in real life as well. I am feeling good, albeit really stressed from finals, but I am almost done, and I am not PMO'ing or peeking, so I am happy.

Best,
Mathman1994

 

Good on you brother.
Download the app mdf streak based wallpapers.
That will give you a day counter for your phone along with inspirational quotes and backgrounds you can change daily on your phone.

My friend recommended it to me and it's been very helpful.

 

Checking in y'all. Day 13. If I am honest I have had some REAL STRONG urges just over the last few days. It's making me long for the happy care free days of the flatline, may it join me soon.

Actually did some meditation this morning, this first time in a long time (The lack of meditation likely contributed to my relapse). It's things like meditation, healthy eating, exercise, reaching out to people - that I have been doing a lot less so far this time. That's probably why my urges are so strong. I aint gonna PMO - though I have to control the urges because those urges start to convince my mind that PMO is "Good Idea" when in reality it is the worst possible idea.

In fact, as soon as I press post on this message, I'm going to put some warm clothes on, and get my ass out into what little sunshine we have in UK at the moment.

In two more days I'll be an Astronaut... Woo hoo! Going to make those 2 days count so much.

 

Overcome these and you shall be powerful!

Check in!

 

Feelings. I sometimes hate my feelings. This afternoon I feel I was was blatantly lied to by a new acquaintance, telling me that she is cancelling a meeting because she is ill. I suspect it is a lie because she only sent the email to myself and no one else within the group. Was it intentionally a very poorly disguised lie so I can read between the lines and understand that she just doesn't want me round?

My mind is on a downward spiral - I feel rejected and left out, and these are the feelings that are very difficult to cope with. I'm NOT going to look at Porn - that's the easy way out... I can see why people do, when they feel like this. Now I have all this anger, and hatred towards someone that I don't even have anything to do with.

I tell myself it's nothing personal (Even if it is). I always get too involved emotionally towards other people, when they are nothing to do with me - it leaves me vulnerable. I will reframe this - if this person doesn't want me round their house, it is their choice. When I have my own place, I can decide who I will have round!

I think that it all further compounded by the lockdown - when an opportunity for social connection is taken away, one feels more exposed and empty.

I have something lined up at the weekend - and I will now instead focus on that. I will get there with over 2 weeks clean, having built my recovery from this experience.

It goes to show that ultimately the only people that we can rely on is ourselves. Other people are fickle, complex and unpredictable. It is only though working on ourselves to become self-reliant can we weather these apparent set-backs.

 

Day 15.
Astronaut my dudes.
Haven't really been having many urges.
But I had a dream last night where a girl brought me some pics to look at and I said no. She then said well then let's go to the bed. Now these dreams are really strange I can choose where they go.

So I told her nah I'm doing nofap. And I'd be really trash in bed. Haha and I woke up. Thankfully a dry dream but it could have been a wet dream if I had of chooses a different path.
I'm all about retention and dreams also make me feel dirty as I believe these dreams are more than just a dream it's a way the devil can try tempt you back. But God is giving me strength.
But everyone is different that's just what happens with me.

Finally nofap is becoming part of my unconscious mind.
Keep going boys it gets better.
I still get angry and down but I'm rechanneling that stress or energy into other things.

Like reading writing running gardening. And building bird houses! Just did some weed eating the grass up the hill is getting to long it's hard work but it's honest work.

 

Day 4. Farmer

 

Back on Day 1, have a tough week relapsing

 

Don't be to hard on yourself, your still a fine man. You need to change something if there's a pattern. Fight it or the trigger point and change that.

 

Day 17

 

Day 8 - Drone Catcher @hoping_cannon

I am pretty much done with my semester and I will get at least 2 B's, and I am still waiting for grades in another class as well as I have an incomplete in my complex analysis course, which I will finish by the 24th of December. I have been clean for my longest stint in a couple months, and I am thrilled.

Best,
Mathman1994

 

Day 19 no PMO.

 

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