The START 2021 STRONGER Challenge [CLOSED]

I relapsed following a wet dream. Lost streak of 157 days.Give me a strike. I will try to perform better in this streak.

 

Thank you @tonyk1982 . I have to actually reach out for that to work. I will. Rather than just writing a post and clicking away to another tab. Lesson acknowledged.

This is more of an open dialogue than an expectation of you to read or respond to it.

I think screens themselves are a trigger for me. It's definitely gotten better, as I've taken up NoFap, but still it was through screens that I've gotten pornography.
I've considered leaving computers and smart phone all together for a 3 month span.
I don't even want to mention the challenges this idea brings up. If I want to do it, I'll just have to find a way.

In the meantime, I'm setting up a screen time limit for myself. This is something I was following and helped keep me clean. When I picked up a job that involved being attentive to my phone, I was okay still. But having left that job, there was a bit of a spiral I suppose that I wasn't ready for.

I've also realized watching wrestling is a trigger for me.
That is where I really got entangled into pornography, with the women wrestlers/models when I was a boy growing up.

Youtube and perhaps the internet itself seems to be a trigger for me.

Oh! One question @tonyk1982.
What coping skills have worked for you?

I think this might be the part I most need reminder of.

 

I won't claim to know how you feel right now.
Still, congratulations on 157 days. That is quite an accomplishment in my eyes.

 

I really want to congratulate and encourage people while their streak is intact.
To me, it seems that positive reinforcement helps sustain the progress.
And might deter someone from relapsing.

With some of the recent setbacks in the group, I'm seeing some real progress. Still, it seems like we're exalting people after their death.
I understand this might be a challenge to do considering how many members we have. Maybe I'm just "clutching at straws".
Maybe I just need to do more of it myself.

If anyone has any ideas, share them below.

In the meantime, I want to congratulate and encourage @tonyk1982 , @espresso18, @Schia .
These are just the ones I've seen in the last day page or so. Keep going.

Also congrats to @Brahmacharya_UK, @BrohkenCompass, @theforgotten1423 and @Ainz for getting back on the horse after respectable streaks.

 

Actually the thing is, I am not feeling bad about it. I was a little sad about the things that I can have done to stop myself from relapsing but I didn't. But now I have a strong willpower that made me touch 157 days mark and research knowledge and experience that I can implement to achieve a streak far better than the last one.

 

I was out a long time ago as I was trying to figure out my way to success. Thanks to @BrohkenCompass , I have adopted the progress over perfection strategy.

As it turns out, I am now in double digits, a feat I have not attained since last June. Even more important is that I am achieving what I wanted with this challenge, motivation of success going into 2021.

Formerly New Focus.

 

@Ian Of Freelandia - I think most of my tools I've learned from this site:
1. diversion - change of venue, leave the setting where the triggering is happening
2. "wife test" - if I had to tell my wife, GF, mother or daughter what I am about to do, how would the conversation go?
3. non-objectification - my mind will get caught up in an image of a female body part, and then I have to act on that. So instead I consciously zoom out from the body part to the whole body, clothe it, and transfer my mental awareness from the trigger image to the whole person as a human being not just that part that I fixate on.
4. more re-imaging - I think of the female object of my fixation as someone's daughter, again - the whole person. If you are a parent this should kick your ass and straighten you out.
5. mirror on me - I envision myself in the midst of a PMO session and how gross that must look. Seriously. Gross. How proud would I be to show that picture to the wife?
6. mindful breathing/mantra - when calm, I focus on breathing and my "strength words" and create a safe space. When triggered I can do that breathing and mantra and retreat to the safety of that calm space uncluttered by the P temptation. This takes practice.
7. I envision the lie I have to tell someone about how I just spent the last # of minutes/hours/days with PMO.
8. and of course, I come to this site.
Stay strong.

 

Triple digits - 100 DAYS - I made it!!!



I thank all who helped make this award possible!!!

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I relapsed 5 days ago.
Can't even get a bronze. Thanks for the challenge though.

 

Urges are hitting today. Really bad sleep thanks to the newborn, had a dream of breaking my streak and feeling OK about it (which I need to battle against), and I’m feeling general urges towards largely innocuous images today (email avatar pics, etc.). Just having to ride it out until bedtime and sleep.

 

Yep, it sounds like you're striding well. I hate those scary dreams that one relapsed - but one wakes somewhat shaken and sober, regardless. What a blessing this time of year your with your new family - for which you are striving for no P and M in the first place. Wonderful!

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The dichotomy of the pressure to maintain a streak versus the acceptance of making progress is palpable here. @Schia you are doing a great service to yourself and your family no matter what path you take at this junction. Stay strong.

 

Keep going @Schia. You're doing awesome things

 

Thank you for such a detailed response.
Many of these are familiar. I am not a parent but as an uncle, I can still see the use in "4."
It's part of what kicked me into getting clean actually.
Letting these all sink in

 

Day 90/92. 5 days straight.

Hard times emotionally.
Feeling a lot of criticism towards myself.
Changes going on, and new things to deal with in the midst of Christmas season.
I mess up sometimes. Oops.

Time to practice self love.

Wish you all the best. Keep going

 

Hey guys! So it's been a week since my first relapse. It has been much easier than I thought and I haven't relapsed again so I will complete thus challenge with one relapse hopefully. I have also joined another challenge for 2021. Hoping to complete that without any relapse. Thankyou all so much for your support. It would never have been possible for me to even dream of this without your help. Special thanks to the organizer @BrohkenCompass . You are doing a great job by making these challenges. They definitely change many people's lives just like mine. I am still trying to change my bad habits which are fantasizing about my GF and binge watching netflix, but I have made progress in those as well.

 

Thankyou so much! Hoping to get an even better than streak than my last one this time and feeling very confident that I'll be able to do it. You are right about encouraging people while their streak is intact. I too believe the same! Best of luck for the coming year!

 

Day 91/93- 6 days straight.

Merry Christmas eve, and happy holidays!
That's about it. Had a moment in between things and wanted to stop in here.
Keep going friends.