The Lord of the Rings Challenge

Day 129.

I have been thinking about the whole keeping the counter situation. To count or not to count? That is the question.

It really depends on your mentality. I speak about mentality all the time because this is very important. Having a negative mentality prolongs your recovery experience and/or process. By this I mean it stretches time, not merely that it will take more months or years, but those months or years will seem like years and decades. It becomes exhausting. This then means that keeping a counter feels exhausting.

On the other hand, having a driving positively sincere mentality makes it easier to log in and increase your counter. Having this better mentality your recovery will not become an exhaustive experience that takes forever. Everyday you awaken and don't touch yourself you will feel good about it. At the very least you can aim for this mentality everyday, even if you can't just turn it on at the drop of a hat. You will eventually get there.

Has the counter become exhausting for you? If so, drop it for a little bit. Just live your days with a good mentality, still not PMOing. Come to the forums and read stories and experiences and all that good stuff. Drop in to share a line or two. Then on some random day in the future count up how much you have built up then do it again. That burst of gratification of how many days you went on will be a good source of dopamine.

Many times I have read journals about how NoFappers had to come back because they couldn't handle the pressure of PMO on their own. We all need help, and our mentality dictates what help is good for us. If we are a bad mental state we think that PMOing helps us!! Work on your mentality, this changes how you view your counter.

I wish continued growth for everyone!

 

Day 0.

Yesterday I relapsed. There are some causes related, ones are material: disrupted routine, drinking alcohol and eating sugar, going to bed and awakening late, using electronic devices a lot of time, and staying with the PC at home instead of going out with friends; and others are spiritual: lacking of Sacraments, feeling bad for a girl who a close friend and likes me but I don´t, and running out of time to do a project but I can't find the key to start it (really, I've been thinking about it for months).

However, I think the main cause was pride. These days I have seen several films and in the sex or nude scenes I have kept my gaze - I have also been more aware of the immense pornographic load of most current films and series. My defenses were low. I believed that I would be able to remain undeterred by it, to overcome temptations by myself and with ease, and I forgot the weakness of man and original sin in his nature. Other times, when I relapsed much more frequently, I believed that there was a force within me that somehow forced me to do so. But yesterday, much freer from this vice, I could see how freely I chose evil, without having it more strength than I wanted to give it.

Although I am not used to relapsing after so long, I have not returned to the starting point. This one is on that day years ago when I said enough, but I could barely last a couple of days sober. Then I got it up to a week and then up to two. I was like this for a long time, although two years ago I managed to be free for four months until the nerves and the stress of the exams overwhelmed me. This was a grace of the Virgin, who has always helped me in difficult moments, especially in those where I played my soul due to this vice (like Galadriel in Mordor).

This year has been special because of how much I have made progress in leaving PMO. I have relapsed twice a month (they go almost continuously) and I have been clean for several months. But much more important is how I have managed to improve my life and begin to grow in virtue: I can say that I am a new man. That is why I will not go back to the beginning of this fight.

And I have a lot to thank NoFap, especially to The Lord of the Rings Challenge and its community, so well maintained by @RiseToGreatness . From here I express all my encouragement and wish him all the best, especially to get rid of PMO very soon.

I had also been thinking for a few days whether to distance myself from the forum, because lately the count of the days was making me wonder if I could hold out. Although I was very happy to have that streak and it helped me to win some temptations, I would like to know if I can do this myself without counting days. I will find out what my proper position is regarding NoFap. Because in reality, this forum is a place of passage where addicted orcs enter and free men leave. One day it will come to each of us when we will leave it and if we return, it is only to help those who once were like us.

These days will be hard, but the holidays are finishing and the defenses are strong again. I will be more connected these first days since the relapse, but little by little I will leave more and more days between my connections. In my experience, it is key not to think about PMO or anything related, while protecting yourself from anything that may bring it to your mind or your senses.

Sacred Heart of Jesus and Immaculate Heart of Mary, pray for us!

 

Hey man, I agree with what you are saying! The book will definitely change you in a positive way. In a way, I can see where you are coming from when saying that recovery is not addressed much, but isn't this basically unnecessary? Once you see porn for what it truly is and the brainwashing is lifted, you will never go back to porn (you wouldn't drink poison to fix the effects of poison, you wouldn't PMO to fix the effects of PMO, which are urges). So as long as each time you have urges, you say to yourself: "phew, I'm glad I am no porn addict anymore and I don't have to respond to these urges" and go on with life, nothing will happen. One day you will suddenly realise that you have little to no urges anymore.

I like the way the book compares PMO with bleach, would you (talking to everybody on here now) drink bleach? No. But would you drink it to fight the symptoms from the last time you drank bleach? Obviously no, this would only make it worse. Or the comparison of PMO with medicine that temporarily relieves you from pain, only to make that pain come back stronger and faster the second time around. Would you use the medicine, knowing that it will temporarily fix the pain, only to make it come back stronger and faster the next time around? I hope you will also say that you obviously wouldn't. This is what urges do to you, they are symptoms of PMO, not the cure for your problems. A void. Once you see and remember this, I would say that it's obvious that you never 'relapse'. That just doesn't make sense.

Someone on youtube said what this book does for you best: "The decision [to quit PMO] is more of a realization that causes one to wake up and lookup". You have to really realise that urges are not making you relapse, they couldn't, if you truly understood where they were coming from and what they are. The little voice in your head makes you relapse, which you can shut down by stopping the brainwashing, so by realising the truth.

One last thing, I will stick around on NoFap and this community, because I really like talking about this stuff and sharing and reading experiences with you guys. You have inspired me in the first place and together we are stronger than alone, no matter how we decide to tackle this PMO stuff (SPAM REMOVED (spam code #001) - REPORT TO MODERATION, NoFap, etc.). All right, sorry for yet another rant, tomorrow the work-life starts again so I will be less often on here anyway, but I'll check in from time to time. Good luck everybody!

 

Day 1. Recovering myself and walking forward with the help of God.
First of all the things who put me in that situation were to stop doing fundamental things on my recovery like, I bring my laptop to my room, I didnt work out for 2 weeks and I watched a movie who accidentaly had provocative images so It was my irresponsability to live my discipline at that time . because that discipline was a learn from years of fight and finally I discovered all the triggers and all the situations that cause me that but I live part of the discipline for 2 weeks and I caused my own fall.

Now I learned that the discipline that was having very good results and I'm going to use it again but now with no hesitation in anytime and making my will stronger to keep it.

The discipline that I learned for all this years of fight is:

1. Life of prayer
2. Work out in a harder way
3. Any electronic divice is not allowed to be in a private area
4. Any Image or site or movie who has provocative content in any level its not allowed
5. Partnership its important in anytime
6. Give myself for others like help them in there own fights its best way to help myself ( egocentrism vs true love)
7. Learn something new or use my energy in a productive way who really realize myself as a person.
8. The forum its a perfect way to remember why I'm fighting for.

That its my discipline and I cannot live it again. God bless you always brothers and sisters.

 

Going for a quick check in before I go to bed! I'll have to create some time tomorrow for more details! Go on strong brothers! It's day 55 (I think) and I am starting to feel the grit and the anxiety lower as I am hesitating less when I want to do something and that feels quite good.

 

Day 4 Done. Keep going brothers, remember we always have a choice. Give in, give up or give it all we've damn got. You've got this.

 

Thank you brother for you good answer ! With Gods help keep your discipline high without breaks for another 500 days after this the PMO in you will be destroyed and your discipline of good habits will take its place in your brain ! God bless brother!

 

Day 3

First day back at work, thankfully no opportunity to experience urges for most of the day. My struggles arise when I’m alone, but I am fortunate enough to live with a flatmate who prevents me from staying in my head for too long.

I pray my fortitude continues when I retire for the evening, but reading my Bible and praying has been a great source of strength.

 

Checking in !
'Tips' followed :
1)Meditate-done
2)Stay accountable daily-done
3)Study about reboot-done
4)Take cold showers- not done, feel a bit rough
5)Follow a trigger prevention plan-done
6)Get occupied.Work on your hobbies and dreams-done
7)Practice physical exercise-done
8)Eat healthy-done
9)Sleep well- done my best ,but it was a rough night with nightmares

 

Don't forget to put on the helmet of salvation !

 

Guys, please take some time to read some of the posts in this forum over the last 24 hours. Where on earth today would you find a group of such honest, soul searching, truth seeking, people? I am bowled over by your posts, so so grateful to be part of this Fellowship. Thank you so much. I have no doubt that ultimate Victory shall be ours:
'Tis a lesson you should heed:
Try, try, try again.
If at first you don't succeed,
Try, try, try again

 

Good luck on your method. I agree with some aspects, certainly I know that our own willpower is not enough, and that's part of the reason I believe this community is important, but God and prayer is of utmost importance to me.

I think there's definitely many ways to fight addiction, just like there's many reasons why we get addicted in the first place. For some here who can't make it beyond a week or two (and I say this without judgment since I was at that stage too and I think many others have been as well) maybe this system and approach would be beneficial.

I would implore anyone who has success with this method to come back and share the results and successes here or somewhere at least and encourage your fellow brothers in this struggle. And I would appreciate it if you did the same @GreenTinted60sMind

Day 251

 

I hope we can both get back to the sacraments soon, brother.

 

I feel the same. It must be the month of January that has us all in such an introspective mood. It has certainly made for a nice Sunday afternoon read.

 

7 Days, just checking in.

 

@Gallade_Templar and @Slider8

Another reset today. Thank you for taking me to task and prompting me to reflect on the nature of my reset. I've been pushing myself harder in running which I think is just bringing more fire to the front of my mind making me want to blow energy off in any way possible. Just really watching P for the rush and no MO. Its this odd feeling of bleakness. My life is full of activity and I have been working on improving on the piano. Subconsciously I think there is the uncertainty of what the future holds with additional medical tests. With that news (which is good at the time, nothing emergent/urgent) I have difficulty answering the question "what do I want from life?" I have been working on not wanting anything but when facing the possibility (hopefully a very small chance) of cancer all that I want to do is feel good. And in the moment P brings me to a place of extacy but is serves no real purpose. I'm setting running goals and that almost feels like it is becoming an addiction which is cool, but what is a practical amount of training? 4:30 am mornings 3-4 times a week and 12-20 miles a week wears on the body a bit but I'll look into upping those numbers in order to better serve my personal PMO goals. Tried Wim Hof breathing for the first time today and looking to introduce that into my meditation practice. Just feel like I was hit by a pretty serious curveball the last few days. Less time between the urge and acting out. Moving forward I plan to step away from the computer when urges bubble to the surface.

Thanks guys!

 

13 days

 

169 .. passed through hell ,yesterday

 

Day 0

I relapsed late last night after relapsing previously on New Year's Eve. I just get right back on the horse and try again. My best friend and I discussed potentially dating each other down the road, and if we ever fully take that step I want to be clean so that I know and she knows I only have eyes for her. I have known her for five years, and last night I expressed the desire to date her, and she said she thought about dating me too, but that she is not ready for a relationship just yet. While I should not wait forever, I will wait for her to be ready for the time being and then I will focus on getting clean for myself so that if we ever take our relationship to the next level, she will be the only woman I am with (versus the digital women I have spent years lusting over.)

Best,
Mathman1994

 

Checking in day 04.