Time to end this for good...

Hello,

There's probably no real "new" story to reveal here, from reading many topics I can see many other with similar stories and thoughts...

I've known about NF for some years but never really had the courage to sign up. I always felt that since I got myself into this mess, I can get myself out of it. I guess in times past signing up would be like accepting defeat in the sense that I couldn't quit myself, but its time to face the facts. I've tried quitting probably thousands of times by now over the course of 17ish years and for that I feel ashamed. I've never spoken to anyone about it, so I guess this is the first time I've said anything about my addiction.

I've gone through many phases over the years with my feelings towards porn and addiction, from denial to depression to indifference. I'm just tired of myself and of failing. Inside I really don't even like porn (If that makes any sense)... quite often even while browsing I find a lot of the content gross. After the sudden urge I get the "moment of clarity" and just feel angry & disgusted with myself and the content... and the rest of the day I just feel disconnected.

So I'm here to do something more than I've done. I've got my blockers set up, my badge... maybe I should have a daily log or something to give myself a bit more accountability. My first goal really us just to get to 14 days, then 1 month, then 1.5 months (the longest I've managed to stop in the past) and doubling there on.

I guess here I go... on what I hope to be my last attempt to quit PM.

 

Thanks! All the best on your journey.

I deleted my social media some years ago, so that's not really a trigger for me. I have some idea of what does trigger me... being alone, certain images and scenes in general life (I can't really control these).

First day has been easy, had people over all day so my mind is elsewhere.

 

Thanks Oliver, I've never thought of cold showers but I can see why it would work... if I get the urge to start looking a cold shower would probably snap me out of it immediately haha.

I've been meaning to work out more, I started a decent habit of walking an hour every morning which has kinda stopped of late, I should start that again even just for my general health... its good to do.

I'm not sure if this is an appropriate place to keep a daily log, the pinned post said to put "reboot" logs elsewhere, but for day 2 - had family over and had no urges, kept my mind busy.

 

Thanks guys for the motivation and forum direction!

@Oliver Gunter Generally I've always taken my phone with me, not that I use it while walking, but rather I track my walk stats so at the end of the day can see an achievement in numbers.

@Life's Journey Being with the computer all the time is definitely a problem, but one I can't avoid as my job requires it, I just need to exercise more self control and when getting the urges... leave and do something else.

I'll start a log in the right forum from tomorrow, I don't particularly care if anyone reads it, however I want to keep the habit of checking in daily and it brings some sense of accountability for me to say what happened that day.

Day 3 was spent with more family like the previous days so its been easy to get through, I expect tomorrow to be tougher as I usually get urges around the 4 day mark and I know I will be alone tomorrow at least for some of the day while I work.