Please, seeking advice, insomnia and a little recount of my story so far

Age 29. Started my streak nov 9th 2020, made it 71 days no PMO. MO Relapse with 71 days complete. Edged about 8 different times near the end of the MO streak (still haven't watched porn), my edging sessions started with just 20 seconds or so, with the latest lasting about 20 mins where I ended up releasing. The reason for these edging sessions was all associated to discomfort due to insomnia.

When I first started this, I hit a point of burnout/sexual exhaustion/adrenal fatigue , (whatever you choose to call it). I had been fighting this on and off for about 3 years, low energy and easily stressed/anxious. These were the symptoms I was having as I started my streak. I was having panic attacks, anxiety, heart palpitations for 0 reason, my nerves were fried. I had chest tension/sharp pain, I had dizzy spells, I could not function much(chronic fatigue), mostly just eating and sleeping to catch up on lost energy. I monitored my blood pressure and took a blood test, everything was showing as healthy, bottom end for overall T levels but still in the "healthy range".Because the anxiety was so severe at the beginning and I was feeling overwhelmed, I foolishly took benzodiazepines (Rivotril for a bit over 6 weeks during this streak) to help me sleep and calm down. Started with 0.5mg (two half tablets a day), for about 1 week and a half, cut down to 0.25mg before bed for another 3 weeks and a half and 0.125mg for the rest of that period. I say foolishly because when I quit even that small dose, I went through more withdrawals. When I was nearing the end of the pill, I suddenly got flu like symptoms, my energy was sloshed down to zero, I was sweating randomly, chills all over and . Apparently even reducing the dose of a benzo, if taken for longer than 3-4 weeks, can give you flu like symptoms and chronic fatigue. Felt like I had to restart again. As soon as I felt that, I stopped taking the pill and waited. It took me about 2 weeks to get over the initial lack of energy. I experienced heart palpitations, I experienced a slight different chest tension. My stomach throughout had trouble processing certain foods, lots of gas bloating and overall discomfort. I would experience insomnia..which really sucks the most, especially when you're trying to increase your exercise.

Fast forward to last night, I had insomnia again. (19 days out from the pill) I edged, and relapsed. The release wasn't to porn, it was to fantasy about certain women I saw in porn as well as certain women I knew in real life. I did not feel any better after release, actually my heart rate went up again and I still could not fall asleep. I was angry with myself too for rekindling the discomfort pattern of masturbation.

Has anyone else gone through this insomnia? How long does it last? It doesn't occur every day, but when it does its just throws me for a ride. Any tips of mitigating it? (I use guided meditation, it doesn't always work sadly) I should also mention I quit using youtube and the internet in general since nov too(I use to abuse of these mediums way too much 8-10 hours a day+ and messed with my sleep a lot) Because of everything i've quit at the same time

My stress levels are still up there, although the anxiety has gone down A LOT since I first started my streak (I only get heart palpitations sometimes, no more panic attacks).

My energy has improved but because of the stress sometimes I fail to notice if I'm hungry or not, and when I don't eat enough..because i'm already in a pretty depleted state, my body gets tired very quickly. (I've started weighing myself multiple times a day to make sure I keep on track) My concentration has improved ( I can actually make it through full work shifts, had to take vacation and personal days at the beginning. )I don't eat processed foods, I eat healthy. I'm still sad that I've been so incapacitated, that I can't do things due to my body being in such a weak state. I can't exercise properly.

So to summarize my questions are, how do I overcome the insomnia/how long would it take. (I had 4 months of INTENSE PMO prior to streak, moderate PMO passed 3 years, low PMO before that but still present)

How long will it take to rebuild my retention after this relapse? Any tips on not edging during insomnia?

Thanks for reading, any advice will help

 

I should add that these withdrawals are confusing, I think part of it is still benzo withdrawal, some of it is PMO/internet withdrawal and sometimes its just lack of sleep. I feel so out of touch with my body.

 

Thank you for sharing your ideas with me Zyeidou. I have watched a few things in relation to WIM HOF his story is moving, I use to take cold showers in the past but stopped. I will need to put his teachings into practice.

As for fruits and vegetables, I can say that i eat quite well. Homemade food and what not. My issue is not eating enough on some days, because I can’t read my body due to the anxiety that I feel. I’m mitigating that with weighing myself twice a day to make sure I’m on track.

The exercise piece is definitely key..you’re right. For too long due to the anxiety and chronic fatigue I avoided exercise for fear of feeling drained. I use to train before this whole thing, I’ll start slow.

Thanks again

 

Thank you , I’ll look into it and see how I feel after trying it.

 

Many helpful points , thanks you.
Glad to see I’m not the only one going through the insomnia beyond the 70 day marker. In terms of devices at night, my phone is on silent so no ding. I just play a guided meditation to help me dose off. The light in the room is off, it is dark. Air circulation is good, the room is cool. The only thing for temperature is, sometimes the weather fluctuates a great deal outside. It’s winter here so going from -25 Celsius to -2 Celsius could cause me to sweat. I do eat about 2 hours and a half before bed. I drink chamomile with a small amount of natural Greek honey at night. There are nights I wake up to go to the bathroom. Some earlier than others. As for naps, I would take 20-40 minute naps during the day, but I have stopped now for a few days and have noticed 3 days straight of decent to proper sleep.

Now I’m just tussling with the fear, especially in the early AM. Currently completed 4 days since the incident of my last ejaculation and 76 days since my last full PMO. It’s crazy that 1 orgasm in 76 days can cause such an imbalance.

 

I will try both brothers, and see what works best for me. I appreciate both of you for sharing your knowledge with me. I will update during the week.

 

First of all, thank you for your detailed answer and sharing your knowledge with me.

Yes, you are correct. I have used PMO to help me sleep. I had also used that stupid pill to help me with it, so a double whammy of withdrawal there. (23 days since the pill) (76 days since porn) and (4 days since my last orgasm now)

When I have insomnia, I don’t sleep at all until the next night. It would hit me 1 night, then the next I sleep around 10 hours, but I also OT and worry that I won’t sleep the second night, which of course doesn’t help the anxiety.

Also correct, I do OT when I feel lethargic and weak. Or feel random pains, my mind is on high alert for those things. I’m to CBT therapy weekly to assist, as I do recognize my thought patterns lead me down this road.

It definitely explains why my stomach has been weaker after I released even that 1 time. Yeah..low dopamine levels really do affect me a lot. Because, bare in mind I essentially quit the internet too. Not just PMO. I stopped binging YouTube (76 days as well) that use to give me dopamine hits. I’ll try the comedy at night, to boost my mood as you mentioned.

I’ve introducing a very small amount of exercise daily now, since my last relapse which helps prove to me that I’m just over thinking and fearing. It does help, but I have to say some days the anxiety is stronger than others(due to OT). As for the cold showers, it hits almost -30 Celsius here some days, so I will refrain from the cold showers for now until it gets warmer out. Would it matter if I had cooked eggs instead? How long did it take for you to alleviate your anxiety?

I’ll try your focus technique, a friend of mine had mentioned drawing a dot on a paper and focusing on it. Is the purpose to shed a tear? I do meditate daily, and I’ve also recently added mediation first thing in the morning. As well as the withdholding the breath you mentioned, it seems common in meditation techniques. I will attempt it should I feel chest tension again..

Given COVID and the lockdown where I’m from, I typically try to zoom with some friends here and there. You’re correct about talking badly about others, it becomes a negative spiral and I feel as though it’s just bad karma.


I do not eat spicy foods. I stay away them, and now I’ve added another reason not the have that hah.


This whole thing is rough, especially because I work full time as well. I work from home thankfully..but that gets me stressed some times too. (Overthinking)

I just want this anxiety over the smallest things to be over...and I want my full energy back. This is the most difficult thing I’ve ever faced.

 

No worries at all brother, honestly my personal experience with the benzo pills for sleep was bad. It started off well, but then I withdrew from the pills and have had to retrain myself to sleep without it and tame my anxiety. I definitely think you should go with semen retention, bare in mind it takes time to replenish what we’ve spent throughout our addiction. Not sure if the pills will prevent benefits, I would just say be careful with the sleeping pills.

I’m definitely in it for the long hall..I can say since I first started I’ve experienced less anxiety, but I still have a ways to go. One orgasm in 80 days.

Hang strong and don’t give in, tackling more than 1 addiction at a time is definitely tough.