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Escort challenge

Discussion in 'Compulsive Sexual Behavior' started by need4realchg, Nov 14, 2019.

Are you struggling with paid-sex?

  1. Yes— and I would join the challenge/group

  2. No, but I would like to join too

  3. Yes— but not interested in a challenge or a group

Results are only viewable after voting.
  1. Kowe

    Kowe Fapstronaut

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    I guess but I just want it. I want to fuck someone basically. I can't just sit here fantasizing or watching porn or going insane as the world burns down!

    Plus, I see it as a bit of an act of old school defiance. Especially cos it's actually illegal where I am now.

    I guess the thrill of it - like a bank heist. Will I get away with it?

    And I feel like there IS something in embracing the fact you at your core are just an animal that is very human.

    We spend enough of our lives being something else, something non human. Sat with our screens and our books and our social masks. I just want to let the beast out of the cage.
     
    need4realchg likes this.
  2. GA93JDeereboy

    GA93JDeereboy Fapstronaut

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    Depends on what you really want in yourself. Your here on this thread. But you want to quit or do you not want to quit? I am an AP if your up, you can reply back and I’ll keep you posted. It’s hard to quit an addiction. Escorts aren’t the only way bro. If your single and all, you can go looking for a girlfriend. Go from their. You get what you put into it.

    Ive had that feeling, wanting to fuck like crazy. Try working out,don’t sit around, do something you need to do to take your mind off of it. The feeling will pass.
     
    kammaSati likes this.
  3. Kowe

    Kowe Fapstronaut

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    I guess I don't really see anything wrong with it?

    If you see dating as a fair game where you just work hard enough and you'll get someone, that's one thing.

    I see it as a bit of an unfair game where certain factors I don't have (such as confidence that is projected outwardly and wealth) are seen as the most important.

    So the game is kind of rigged and I can't win so what is there left to do? Don't play the game

    See an escort!

    In a way I don't see it as too different to a drug addiction though. It's realising that happiness through conventional means will not be possible for you, for whatever reason. But you still want...SOMETHING...yes in a way a miserable substitute, but it's better than nothing and at least stops complete insanity.
     
  4. Do I understand you correctly? Paying for sex helps you to stay sane?
     
  5. Kowe

    Kowe Fapstronaut

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    You got that right.
     
  6. Yeah, better to stay sane then. Someone needs to keep the economy and industry going. :) Just hope you can control it and not fall down the rabbit hole. It almost killed me. Not the escorts lol, but the sum of it all. The addiction, sex addiction, the need for attention, approval, belonging, all the lack, that hole I tried to stuff. But lack is insatiable. And to use an analogy: You cannot drown a problem with alcohol. Why? Problems can swim. Take care and good luck on your journey. And whenever you are thinking of finding alternatives for how to stay sane, let me know.
     
    need4realchg likes this.
  7. Parzival8

    Parzival8 Fapstronaut

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    New here but wanted to add my thoughts and experience.

    It is quite liberating to hear other stories as well. We feel pretty alone in these ventures and struggles. Sure i know some others who partake in escorts but you think that they can just go on without having guilt or shame. At least we are here and trying.

    I related to the 'hunt' of it all, and then the utter shame and guilt after. Searching and messaging is a way of distracting me from other problems in life, or tough days at work. Definitely a dopamine hit and for me this escalates when I am trying to quit porn. At first I would think, well its not porn at least, but its no better and keeps you stuck. Just cant believe the amount of times I have said no more, only to be back the next month. The addiction cycle is real:

    Depression -> Anxiety -> Acting Out -> Shame -> Guilt -> Depression......
     
  8. Thanks for sharing your thoughts here with us. Yes, the amount of times I have said no more ... I know so well. It is a vicious circle. I went back and forth from online payments to paying to meet with escorts. At some point both. Then stopped one to fall back into the other, then vice versa ... When I "stopped" paying online I thought well at least I invest locally lol. And I get some physical touch ... Yeah ... all tricks of an addicted mind.
    I am so grateful I could quit this mess. Just have to be careful not to get tricked again by my brain ... Stay strong and safe.
     
    GA93JDeereboy likes this.
  9. Kowe

    Kowe Fapstronaut

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    So today was a weird day.

    I had an appointment booked (which by the way is illegal now under lockdown rules) but I was all set to go through with it.

    I am on my way there, heart thumping, my mind racing with partly the anticipation of immediate sex but also threat of possible punishment and even the thought this could ruin my entire life (what if I get publicly shamed somehow?)

    And then I get a text: she cancelled

    And honestly, I felt so damn relieved. Thank god! She saved me from myself.

    I feel like in some weird way, I'm getting off on the anticipation and the thrill and the rush of doing something 'bad' more than the actual sex?

    I actually felt somewhat satiated by the idea that I WAS going to go through with it

    But if I had cancelled, I would have beaten myself up like 'screw you, you pathetic loser! You're so pathetic you can't even get over your fears to screw escorts!'

    So in a lot of ways this was the best case scenario

    However, I have booked in an appointment with someone else on Sunday. Maybe this whole cycle will repeat again...
     
  10. Semaphore

    Semaphore Fapstronaut

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    Yes it will, for sure.
    It already is.
    You booked a fresh gig for Sunday.
    The cycle is already underway.
    That's a perfect illustration of how fuxxed up we all are - you berate yourself for not going through with the very thing you are trying to stop.
    Think about it. There are some wires crossed here.
    Can you revisit and sample the relief you felt when the last appointment was cancelled and call it up again?
    Could you forge a link between that positive sensation and the taking control of your own cancellation?
    Taking ownership of saying "NO, im NOT going to act out" is at the very heart of overcoming our addiction. Its a building block of the healing.
    Making bookings, planning the next session, putting the cash aside are all reinforcements of the cycle we trying to bust open.
    Nurturing a small positive feeling by NOT doing something that you know is part of a bad cycle begins to associate the right things with the right behaviours.
    You could try it now.
    Celebrate a clean day and another wedge of cash saved not to mention the risk of discovery, STD, supporting a dubious industry that is messing with lots of other lives too.
    PS I should add I am a recovering escort user and these thoughts work for me - I hope they work for you and others too but I recognise we all have our own ways to deal with this.
    Best wishes
    :)
     
  11. Kowe

    Kowe Fapstronaut

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    Good points man!

    I think I will cancel Sunday's appointment, though I am afraid she will blacklist me as a time waster and there aren't exactly many options in my area.

    It all comes down to this basic fear of 'I'll never have sex ever again!' that compels me to do this.
     
  12. Semaphore

    Semaphore Fapstronaut

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    there it is - the addicted brain finding an excuse for doing/not doing something. This WG will not even register your cancellation nor even your existence as long as there is a chance she can get another booking. Don't kid yourself you are anything other than a wad of tenners. Stick to that cancellation @Kowe for one day and I will stick to another week of no PMO or escort viewings.
    Deal?
     
  13. Kowe

    Kowe Fapstronaut

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    *sighs* okay, it's a deal. I kept to my cancellation.

    But the urges are still there. Especially with this lockdown appearing endless.

    The question of 'when will I get my rocks off again?' is a genuine concern.
     
    GA93JDeereboy and Semaphore like this.
  14. Veritech

    Veritech Fapstronaut

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    I can recall a similar experience.

    I had arranged through an escort service a date with a particular escort at a particular time. I arrived at the hotel for my session, called the escort agency only to find out that she was a no show.

    I could have saved my money and dignity, but I desperately asked, "Is anybody else available?" Somebody was and I had a session with a different escort.

    The worse part of my guilt following the session was that it had not registered for a second that this escort was a human being. I looked up her profile only after making the date just before entering the hotel. At that point in time, I was in such a trance that it did not matter who I was going to fuck.

    I had no standards. I went though the ordeal of booking, withdrawing the cash, and arriving at the hotel. Just a high rush to know somebody else was available; but a deeper fall knowing that I was given an opportunity to change my ways, but I failed to accept it.
     
    Semaphore likes this.
  15. kameelteen

    kameelteen Fapstronaut

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    I dont know what emacipated and stooped means. But balding and bad teeth are definetly fixable. It is going to cost you though. TBH i would spend money to fix the teeth and just rock a completly shaven head. I can understand many woman not liking bad teeth. But a bald head is just preference. Many woman love it.

    I think many people are at some point in their life very self concious and despressed. So was I from age 18 till 24. It was hard work getting out of it. It took going to the gym daily, changing my cloths, changing my hygiene, proactively looking for non escort woman online. It seemed to take ages but i felt i started getting more confidence, and then that gave me more cofidence. But still it took years before it finally clicked and i stopped being super awkward with woman. Just like something snapped in my brain and i had unlocked the future of being able to be normal and a little attractive to woman.

    Now thinking back of the depression i had back then scares me. Every night i prayed i would not wake up the next morning. But now besides my sexual behaviour problems, I'm fine. I won from depression and self hate. And so can you.

    Work on yourself, invest time in yourself. You are worth it. You are the only person that is worth your time. Even when it seems to take ages. You will get there. Every day not working progessivly to becoming a better self is a day later you will arrive at a happy you.

    I hope you will get there, you deserve it.
     
  16. GA93JDeereboy

    GA93JDeereboy Fapstronaut

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    Hey everyone!

    I had a mess up the other day not with an escort. So I figure since this is my main thread and I been here for a while I’d share my experience so others can learn and maybe get some feedback.




    I hadn’t been laid in maybe 6 months. I been clean and free of escorts over a year now. Anyways so I just wasn’t thinking correctly but found a date online. We kicked it off really fast. And we met up later that evening. I’ll be honest I had a blast. I got very drunk, she escalated things. But also said some weird things. Some things that threw me off a bit. But I didn’t want to lash out my opinions on things to not cause any confrontation. Anyhow mixing alcohol her escalating things like asking how sexual I am and whatnot. We were there for about 4-4.5 hours. She invited me to sit beside her. From there it went more touchy and stuff.
    Anyhow she takes me back to her place. And I unfortunately didn’t use a condom. There was something odd about the sex, she wasn’t moaning that much but she wasn’t that drunk compared to me. Anyhow she says her roommate wants me to leave because I’m loud. Anyhow I do. Next morning I ask how she is and mention about the no condom sex via text. She says she used the day after pill but it was like $55. Anyways she asks for money cause she is low on money. So I send her the money. It’s not to much. Anyways few days later I ask if I should be worried via text.

    this is when I get odd feeling.
    She asks about what I say what. She says like STD. I say yes and pregnancy.


    She says: “idk do you want to maybe just send me money to get rid of it just in case”


    That’s an odd response. She’s digging into my wallet. So now that’s the end of it.
    We definitely aren’t compatible and I’m really not in any way ready to have a kid, especially with someone I don’t know, who says some odd things.


    Yep I messed up. I pray I’ll be alright.
    Please don’t hate, I’m just sharing an experience I had.
    Thank you guys!


    Time to lay off the drinking.
     
  17. Thanks for being so open and honest @GA93JDeereboy, the drinking ... I had to stop that, too. Cause it would bring me to places that would then often lead to relapses. Seems like she tried to digg into your wallet, better end it there, yes. Better be careful and next time take things a bit slower hehe. Hope you're alright. Take care and stay strong.
     
    GA93JDeereboy likes this.
  18. Kowe

    Kowe Fapstronaut

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    I haven't had a drink in over 4 years. At least for me, quitting drinking led me to escorts as a replacement addiction. Literally nothing takes the edge off like a drink except maybe sex. Yeah exercise and meditation are fine but come on...they don't compete with drugs and sex.

    @GA93JDeereboy I've been there. The paranoia that the hangover brings on causing horrible imaginings of all kinds.

    Probably nothing will happen but I suppose there isn't really such a thing as casual sex. The stakes are pretty high one way or another.

    You also reminded me of another reason why I got into escorts: because I found it very hard to hook up without alcohol. It was almost easy with drinking involved as long as you somewhat liked the girl (and even if you didn't, drinking would change that). I can't handle all that tedious small talk and sitting around in restaurants and whatever sober...just go straight to the main event!

    It's been over a month since my last punt, though the cogs in my head are spinning looking for the next opportunity.

    I find myself tortured by thoughts of my ex-girlfriend and I almost want to fuck escorts to get revenge on my own imagination of her fucking new boyfriends. Yes, this is how I think.
    The last minute cancellation from last week sent me an angry message telling me to lockdown after I enquired about her.

    There aren't too many options for me around here, which is I guess a good thing.
     
  19. GA93JDeereboy

    GA93JDeereboy Fapstronaut

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    Hey bud. Yep the alcohol sure had a lot of bad effects. You need some help bud.
    Some of the things I appreciate you writing but I think there’s a girl for everyone. Don’t get all jealous about your ex. Gotta move on, find another girl. I was watching that thread 100 cold approaches. Maybe give that a shot? That guy seems to be gaining confidence. Or maybe expand your social circle and find someone that way? A friend may know single lady or something?
    But keep writing your struggles, we’re here to help, stay strong, make it thru this week. Maybe use that money on something better like charity or buy yourself some clothes idk? Maybe get on with SSA, or some other groups or men’s groups or whatever. There’s something.


    The high I got when seeing escorts was
    the searching, finding one who would sound interested in me and not just fuck and bye although bro that doesn’t really happen. Last lady I remember meeting her. She was nice and kind and all. Probably my favorite type bc she wasn’t all picky about the money. I just set it down she didn’t count it, just easy going. But it’s still odd. It wasn’t natural. Couldn’t kiss, couldn’t get affection. That’s the deal breaker.


    It’s just not good, not good for the addict, maybe the handicapped but definitely not me. I got to get out my shell, find someone I can relate with, talk about anything and be able to express myself openly. Be a team.
    Anyhow night, good luck!
     
  20. Kowe

    Kowe Fapstronaut

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    Thanks man. I need to make some changes for sure. I'm just checked out of life right now, reflecting on my past like a dying man. Only thing I look forward to is the empty thrill of either drugs or sex with an escort.
     

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