Bringing out your inner personality

I have this problem where I can never do or say the things I want to do. Its like I have 2 different personalities and the one talking and moving around isn't me. I'm not trying to brag but I am a pretty interesting person yet I don't act like I am, when I tell people the things I've done they seem shocked like they don't believe that I could or have done that. It's not like a disorder, its more like a clash between the person I was back when I was an addict and the person I am now or trying to become, and it seems like the former is winning. I'm trying to get better at talking to girls but whats the point if I can't say or do what I want. Does anyone have any advice, or has anyone experienced something like this.

 

Yes.
There is you
And there is your ego

Your ego is the image you want to project to people. What you want to to achieve, get to feed the inner void you feel inside.
When you talk to people with ego, it's not you. That's why you have the feeling that it's not you talking. You're stuck in a certain image. That's not freedom Indeed.

And there's the real you. The happy, emotional, interesting you. That doesn't need anything and anyone. Who are not focused on the future but aware that the moment is enough on its own

Self love and being aware that becoming the best version of yourself to exist in the eyes of others is bullshit, are the best cure

Take action not to get something but to express your deep identity. Be aware that a happy future doesn't exist. Live in the present. Take care of yourself before taking care of others.

 

I actually saw that book when I was picking up a copy of 12 reasons, I wanted to get another book and it caught my eye, but ultimately I decided to go with Atomic habits. I think I'll take your recommendation and pick up a copy. Also thanks for the advice I actually started a new job recently and I can't help but notice how much attention I'm getting, its kind of relieving because now I see the difference between dating apps and real-life. I'm still having trouble saying what I want but I'm slowly coming around the girl I'm trying to date is also very shy so I don't want to mess this up.

 

Bro I know but I'm just having a hard time convincing my brain I've changed, it still thinks I'm the same loser that couldn't talk to girls. And dating apps have pushed that narrative further, even though now I know just how different talking to a girl in real life is compared to an app. The point is my brain still thinks I'm a losser so its trying to force that losser mentality on me. I'm just going to try and say what I mean without thinking too much about it.

 

I haven't really done a lot, I am in a wierd position here where literally all my friends have gone to the Military, and I'm still waiting to get a job. I don't know whether I should make new freinds or just tough it out until I finnaly ship out. Anyways the reason I'm saying this is because that's the best ways to meet a girl when you're out with your freinds, you could just do volunteer work cause I've met some really great women in volunteer events but make sure you choose something you atleast care about.I've tried dating apps and talking to girls around me. Dating apps are a huge waste of time but if you've got the right profile and ask interesting questions you'll get a match. If you want to try use hinge, but tinder and bumble are a huge waste of time, unless you are exceptional good looking and crafty. Even then you'll mostly get bots and girls of questionable status. In fact dating apps are useless compared to interacting with women in real life, the difference is like night and day. I was so depressed that I didn't get as many matches as I thought I started thinking that I might be unattractive, then I go out and girls are checking me out left and right, its always better to talk to girls in real life.