The Lord of the Rings Challenge

Wednesday check-in

Today I have
- prayed
- meditated
- done work for my job
- taken a cold shower
- eaten healthy
- talked to friends and family

I'll workout tomorrow. Still need to do some lectio divina with SPAM REMOVED (spam code #001) - REPORT TO MODERATION tonight.

I still get attacked with little urges. Trying actively to change my outlook and mindset has helped, namely getting over the "brain washing" of PMO to realize that it's not fun and has never made me feel good. Still, there's an addictive cycle at work in my brain that I want to break. What seems to work in those moments is conscious breathing, stepping back from whatever thoughts have barged into my head, and focusing on where I am and what's going on in that moment. Prayer is also something I credit quite a bit. I still have quite a ways to go.

I got a very nice and encouraging letter from my superior today, which really boosted my mood.

That's it for now. Trying to get better at going to bed at a good time, which means better schedule management.

Stay strong! Porn sucks and you don't actually like it!

 

After a long hiatus, I'm back. Lots of positivity and clarity in life. Lot of challenges lay ahead. I have figured that I'm closest to PMO when I'm comfortable. My mind immediately starts telling me, go enjoy. So, I'll embrace reality as is. Also, I still get influenced by what a lot of people in this group are doing. So, I'll embrace that too and focus on the positives. I started taking it lightly - skipped cycling (nobody should do this) and exercise, also skipped daily posting and meditation.

EDIT: I have never been consciously consistent in any major activity throughout life. In fact I have been consistently inconsistent. Is there a way to suggest to keep being consistent?

It's been 2 days and it will be difficult, but I'll give it a good shot.

 

I am not big on contemplating the philosophy of will. If the mind is an uncontrollable pre-willed storm, thou are that storm. You are in control even when you're not. I am going to live however my brain sees fit, regardless of if I am really the captain of this ship.

 

Day 7 with an immense sex drive. It's kind of scary, almost. I was thinking about what I find attractive and getting aroused every waking moment I wasn't on my pc (even while I was on it most of the time). Being 17, naturally super masculine/high-t, and also hitting the 7th day (supposed to be another t-boost) while also working out and being emotional as fuck is the worst possible NoFap scenario. . . yet I wouldn't trade it for anything. The only reason I didn't have the urge to fap a good chunk of the day was because of the thoughts drifting in my head about my dog. Whenever they subside it's open season.

HOCD triggers again. Is it bad that I think about what actually attracts me a lot whenever I see a trigger? I don't let anxiety get to me as much, but I begin to just start thinking about what is more in line with who I really am.

I will post a story, as requested, about Toby. Toby was a very food-aggressive dog when we first got him. He didn't know security prior to being rescued and adopted by us, so as expected, he would eat as much food as he could. We left him in the car to go grab something to eat (windows cracked on a decently cold day, don't worry) and we returned to find he managed to open a plastic container with 3 diamond-shaped pastries inside. How he got into it and survived is a marvel to behold, lol. Imagine a 15-20 pound dog eating a pound worth of sugar, jelly, and yeast (mind you he never chewed anything but chips so his mouth wouldn't get cut). I am 150 pounds at 6'1 and I barely can eat 1 and a half. . . for that dog to eat an entire pound is insane. He didn't even throw up that day, good ol' Toby had a stomach of iron that streched like rubber in his younger years. He was around 4 I think at the time.

Miss you buddy <33 I will keep pushing for you

Day 7 is over.

 

Day 1 complete!

After my relapse yesterday I clicked the appropriate panic button and was directed to a page of the NoFap subreddit. It had some good words and ideas, but one simple quote has stuck in my mind.

"Only weak nerds masturbate!"

I think I may have found my mantra, haha. I'll be the first to tell you I'm a huge nerd, but I refuse to be anything resembling weak!

@bob200 The fact that you recognize your behavior and are able to immediately jump to close those porn sites is a good sign! Many guys are already gone if they make it that far. Keep up the good fight! I can't promise it will get easier, but you, by contrast, will get tougher!

 

Day 2

 

Day 21. I'm not feeling like myself lately. Having a bit of a rough patch. I'm sure keen on having some good things happen soon.

 

@RiseToGreatness Hello bro, please add me to the challenge, I am in. I have completed 2 days. I would love to take the path to greatness.

 

Day 107 complete

 

Checking in on Day 53.

 

Checking in today. I'd like to recommend Rob Bell's "RobCast" episode on How to Open Your Heart.

 

I slipped up last night. I was trying to switch out a hard drive on one of my computers and it wasn't working which made me frustrated. I started looking at model accounts on Instagram and Twitter and then started looking at porn sites for about 3 hours. I was dangerously close to having a full relapse binge session but held off from MO. Most of the stuff I saw while I was scrolling didn't do anything for me, even scenes that I watched frequently in the past. I had a headache immediately after peeking and then went to bed. While I'm counting this instance as a slip-up, this is by far the worst slip-up/peek I've ever had.

That being said, I'm currently on a 23 day streak free from orgasm. I accomplished a few goals this past week despite the slip-up. I organized my room and unpacked a few more boxes from moving. I started grad school and submitted a few assignments ahead of time (normally I procrastinate till the last second). I've been exercising regularly in some form (pushups, pullups, & sit-ups). I got some healthy food to use for meal prepping. I've been texting and calling with a few friends from out-of-town.

I've also listened to a few podcasts called 'Your Brain Rebalanced' and found them to be quite helpful. One of the key ideas I took away from them is to not focus solely on a day counter. Some of the podcasters proposed using spreadsheets or physical calendars instead to keep track of the recovery progress. Another key idea is to focus more on adding activities to life rather than focusing on just subtracting PMO. Does anyone else use a physical calendar/journal in addition to a day counter?

Some of my goals for the next week include:

• No PMO
• No peeking or edging
• Absolutely no Twitter or Instagram
• Submit grad school assignments a few days early
• Meal prep with healthy food
• Continue exercising daily in some form
• Start a new book
• Do some nature photography on one of my days off
• Practice mindfulness/meditation for a few minutes

Here's a link to the podcast; I highly recommend a listen while you're cooking, driving, or doing some other activity:

 

Thanks, buddy. I think you were mostly there in your own observations, but I'm glad that this conversation has led to a new discovery. Of course, knowing the source of our problem is only half the battle. But it is a very important component. After all, you can't fight the enemy that you know nothing about.

Another thought I'm trying to explore is combating the selfishness that porn teaches us in a relationship. P is all about me, me, me as you've alluded to. There is no thought for the woman's feelings, thoughts, fears, etc. because the fake woman has none of these. When we bring this selfishness into a relationship...well, you can imagine how unhealthy that can be for both people involved. True love is supposed to be selfless, which is in exact opposition to the selfishness instilled by P. When we can conquer P, we can in theory conquer a part of the selfishness that it inflicts, thus helping us to put our SO before ourselves in sex, love, etc. That's the true foundation for a strong relationship worth being in, and true happiness.

 

Day 7. Keep going brothers and sisters. God bless you all

 

Day 51. Feeling positive today.

 

Thank you @RiseToGreatness
I'm feeling much better and more positive today.
Also i'm already implementing some preventive actions.

Day 1 finished!