How to stop out of habit exposure to a certain P site

Hi all,

I've been in the community for close to a year now and I've been seeing a lot progress thus far with my journey to end PMO addiction and compulsive behaviours. I've been "cured" of my TS OCD and short-lived HOCD. Still a lot of way in regards to other sexual OCD intrusions that still haunt or annoy me today.

One thing that has been bothering lately is how I "chose" not to morally use P after following the story about Pornhub hosting abusive and non-consensual videos (I'm sure most of you have seen it in the media, you can see an update about it here https://www.nytimes.com/2020/12/09/opinion/pornhub-news-child-abuse.html). Phub was my "go to" site for years, mainly due to its popularity and "first choice" option when searching for P. Such an expose about Pornhub has turned me off big time from watching P, yet out of habit I will still go onto that site, despite morally being extremely sickened by how such a website/company can be allowed to host such evil (and even profit from it in some instances). When the news broke earlier last year, it was quite the rude awakening to help me on my rather mediocre attempt at quitting PMO. It was the necessary rite of passage that gave way for me to improve my focus on giving P up forever. Never did I see bad or illegal content, but such information has given me an outlook to help fight against the industry and help me to overcome the grappling hold PMO has on oneself.

But what has really bothered me is the constant return to PHub during a relapse or a binge. PMO still holds a level of force to draw me back into consuming P again, although as much as I do try to abstain from it, I find loopholes within my blockers and see myself back on that website or looking at P in general. After a session, I feel really disgusted with myself, but then I see myself going back to Phub again during another relapse or binge. This out of habit repetitive behavior is obviously negative on my recovery, but the urges always eventuate into disregarding these negative feelings initially.

I have set myself boundaries to prevent another relapse from happening again, but all I wanted to know how can I stop myself from doing out of habit visits to watching P and how to understand this mental or chemical mechanism that leads me back to Phub despite it being against my principles and telling myself not to go back to watching P on Phub.

I know the tips to BEAT the addiction and the know to information to stop, but what has been difficult for me is the HOW, or the process of applying myself to those beliefs.

Any help is appreciated.

 

I currently use Norton Family and Covenant Eyes on my PC, which is pretty tightly set. It's browsing on my phone that is a problem. There doesn't seem to be any foolproof software other than giving someone else your password, but I am yet to find someone I can trust (my accountability partners for example).

Unfortunately, Cold Turkey is not on iOs (or maybe I can't find it). I might download if it is cheaper than Norton Family for PC.

 

Thanks for the tip. I will tell my allies to remember my password. I will auto generate one so therefore I cannot Remeber it.

 

I agree. I need something to drive me away from it completely. Initially I told myself I cannot be “too hard” on my own self. But after months of lukewarmness, I think a radical shift is necessary.
I’ll also point out I’m unemployed. Maybe it’s a necessary change to be working again. Honestly, I think my relapses all come down to idleness or boredom, despite finding P absurd then ever before. Habits can be broken and I need a permanent shift to get me there.