Some Thoughts on the Nature of Porn Addiction

Porn vs. our Goals: as Cognitions​

It is far easier to conceptualize the things we have experienced than those we have not. Porn surrounds us and is rooted firmly within us - we have all seen it and do not require much effort to form a clear picture of it. We can choose from a number of scenes that we have memorized and play them in our minds at will. And should we briefly forget, we are swiftly reminded of them.

Compare the tangibility of porn to the intangibility of traits we hope to gain through quitting porn - confidence, empathy, discipline, self-esteem. The ability to not see attractive people as objects, for example, is an abstract idea or a state of mind, and one which many of us haven't experienced since we were children. All we know about this state is that we desire it and have the potential to experience it. But we cannot point to it in the world or summon it to our prefrontal cortex as effortlessly as we can with even the faintest sexual fantasies.

This reveals much about the struggle of NoFap. Every day we are confronted with the choice between pursuing porn or forsaking it. Porn is cognitively accessible, as described above. The mental state that comes from having a 90 day streak is inaccessible as a concept if we have never experienced it. We cannot reach out and grasp it as we can the multitude of fleeting sexual desires that the moment finds us distracted by. It must be discovered. In that sense, NoFap is a blind journey. This is why we often choose porn when we are tested - because we know porn. The alternative, although much better for us, is an unknown, which makes its pursuit an understandably difficult task.

Porn vs. our Goals: as Actions​

Our discussion so far has mainly focused on the difficulty of thinking about our desires, with no mention of achieving them. What makes the latter difficult is the following: watching porn is a single and immediate action, whereas abstinence is a continuous process of many actions over an indefinite period of time. We may find relative ease in the initial decision to disengage from porn, but when we wake up the next day we will unquestionably be tempted anew. Temptation has an infinite number of opportunities to win us over.

What many of us know is that some days seem impossible and some days require no effort at all. This complication makes the job of strategizing an approach to abstinence very difficult. Maybe some people are able to find a set of actions that will make their journey consistently easier. But for most, watching porn is more favorable to all other actions in terms of perceived reward. By sheer mathematics, it only makes sense that we prioritize watching porn. But this is clearly not what we want.

I raise the question then: is there a way to somehow manipulate our own psyche such that we may find watching porn less favorable than other actions? I believe there is, which is why I propose that we should investigate the psychological states that lead to our behavior with great scrutiny, instead of focusing solely on the behavior itself. What makes me confident? What makes me want to achieve? What makes me want to watch porn? I contend that these are the questions each of us should explore to the fullest extent.

A Case for Introspection​

Porn is simple: "do the thing until good stuff happens". It might be tempting to view abstinence in the same light, but I find this insufficient. We are not machines, but very emotional, volatile, and complex animals. Is willpower a "muscle" that can be strengthened with brute force? Perhaps it is, but perhaps also we can find a more clever and efficient way of easing our burden in this long-winded and brutal process.

On that note I will mention myself. For the last year, I have struggled greatly with adhering to NoFap. Recently I have begun to think this is mainly because I relied on a mechanistic approach rather than trying to conceptualize what I want to gain from quitting PMO. It's hard to chase something that you cannot see, after all. So maybe it would benefit us all if we tried our best to list our goals in as much detail as possible, until we have a clear image of what our lives will look like without porn. That image - and not some vague, unknown future - is what we must pursue, until our desire for it overpowers our desire for porn.

To go one step further, let's embody that image. If we wan't confidence, let's act with confidence - not by waiting for it to happen or wondering how many days of NoFap it will take before we suddenly have it. And not by faking it either, but by reaching deep within our psyche and pulling it out. The person we want to be isn't someone inside us waiting to be found, or someone that was torn apart from us long ago. We are that person. We are the achiever we strive to be, and always have been. All that remains is to demonstrate it.

I hope you enjoyed this little rant.




YA BOI
@FellatiousD

 

Thanks man. I was fantasizing about my two favorite waifus Candace Owens and AOC this morning, when a weird thought hit me: "Why does this seem so real and so believable, as if these girls were right in bed with me, but getting up on time seems so distant and unachievable?" Because I never say no to the fantasies - they are always right there waiting to be embraced - and I always give myself more time to sleep. I keep hammering this paradigm into my reality, and never challenge it. I don't remember the last time I woke up and stayed up, so I avoid it at all costs. Because the alternative, staying in bed and fantasizing, is what I did yesterday and the day before, and I liked it all those times. So if I like something, why would I change it? It's incredibly rational and incredibly harmful.

Yeah, there are many ways people here deal with addiction. I actually considered giving credit to the many physiological approaches popularized here - cold showers, meditation, etc. Combining those with self-reflection and psychoanalysis could be very powerful indeed. And perhaps, what is powerful about the cold showers and stuff is not the physical aspect, but the fact that it can radically and rapidly change our state of mind. There is no desire to jerk off when you are in shock from the cold. But what I'm dying to know is - can we find a more permanent way of doing that?

 

Yeah I think it's basically an intense form of meditation where you remove your mind/identity from your body and all the trivial stuff like wanting to watch porn evaporates. I should honestly try it now that you've reminded me of it.

 

Yes. Centrist revolution now!

Exactly. There is no invisible force that makes us jerk off, it's all psychology. You just have to get monke brain to do difficult thing.