The Lord of the Rings Challenge

Day 6! Uruk-Hai

 

Day 63

With boats given by the Elfs we sail on the river Anduin. The journey continues south to Amon Hên

Stay strong brothers!

 

Day 5

 

Day

4 trod on

 

Day 287.

 

Day 8 Check in as a Uruk-Hai!!

Let´s continue!!

 

Day 204

 

Day 13 complete!

This has been a really clean streak for me so far, and I'm very joyful about that. Urges to M are still a problem but I feel as though I'm well on my way to cleansing my brain of the porn that has infected it for 8 years.

@OttarrTheVendelCrow Russian sounds like a challenge! Do you have experience with Slavic languages?

 

Checking in on Day 65.

 

16 days check in. I'm a Hobbit @RiseToGreatness

 

I actually took Russian in college so I have a pretty good foundation

 

Day 63. Feeling overwhelmed today. I am really feeling the impact of the chaser effect. I am having urges and catching myself wanting to fantasize more. I knew that this wave would come after the wet dream that I had on Sunday night. On top of this, I am still feeling a little bit of PAWS, although it has not been nearly as bad lately. I have been purposefully exposing myself to social situations in order to damper the social anxiety I have been feeling from PAWS.

Its so important to keep PAWS and the chaser effect in view when on our path to recovery. So far, these have been my biggest obstacles to getting clean and starting a healthy sex life. Both cause the urge to self soothe with masturbation or pornography. They are insidious and seem to come out of no where when you are feeling your best. They represent the valley's of the road we are on. Below is a picture that I find to be a good illustration of what recovery is like in our mind vs. reality. Stay strong brothers!

 

Day 119 complete

 

Day 25. I have reached the Watchtower of Amon Sûl! Nearing a month now, and I've found in the past that around 1 month, around 3 months, and around 6 months there are spikes in urges. In the past, the gateway has always been allowing M to come back in, which of course brings fantasizing, which makes it harder to not go fishing, which.... So I'm holding fast to the decision to keep M out of the deal, and that's been feeling good so far. It definitely bothers me since I want to feel like I can have a healthy sexual relationship with myself, but I suppose the alcoholic also wishes he could have a single night cap to end a hard day and well, some things just aren't a good idea.
As far as the counter debate goes, for me counting days helps get past those first two really hard weeks--when I'm climbing out of the gutter, any hand hold I can grab helps. After that, I'm less concerned about seeing the days as an accumulation of sobriety and more as advanced warning of where I've fallen off the wagon before--"oh, I'm coming up on 30 days, there's usually a spike around now, better be extra vigilant". And this challenge is, I think, a really positive spin on it--it's not just a number, it's a journey, and that gives a sense of progress that I find very rewarding. Again, I don't see it as a goal or a trophy, but more a tool for reflection. And the second it stops being a motivating factor and instead another chain holding me down, it's gone.

 

Day 288.

 

Day 19. The journey can be hard but it's always worth it to made it

 

Day 2

Mixed emotions, but no relapse as a result

I have become really close friends with a girl from my school and she really has a thing for me

As many here know, I am not really into women, so there is just a bit of a mildly humorous sexual tension when we are on calls

Part of me wonders if experimenting would hurt, as she is the only female I have even a mild attraction to

For example, she has a rather deep voice for a female, and she jokingly uses it to get me going down there

All in good fun, but I feel undecided on if I would do anything if given a chance

Any advice? I am not at all intimidated by the possibility, it is different than my usual HOCD stuff