35 and Older Accountability Group

Checking in. All quiet on the western front, for now.

 

SAt morning check in. 3 easy days so far, but have been busy now....

 

Checking in. Things are going well

 

Thanks!

 

I was just looking at the group when I joined on page 109. One thing that stood out is quiting doesn't help lol. I'm glad I've stuck with it and I'm committed to adding another day to the counter. Day 14.

 

Checking in. Nice low key family day, now for some guitar!

 

Checking in.

 

Hello, I'm a member coming back after a long hiatus. A few updates: i've been married for almost a year now. The sex has been off and on but mostly on, the best time of my life has been porn free and having sex with my wife.

We are trying to have a baby and porn has, unfortunately, wormed its way back into my life, and now my dopamine levels have been all over the place. I'm starting from scratch again, and going for a new streak. I'll start with a few days but I hope, with the support of this forum, to have more.

My wife is ok with me watching porn (i've never let her know about my involvement in this community), and I convinced myself that its ok if i'm watching with her, but really i need to start clean again. Does anyone have a similar experience? How did you over come it?

 

Well, I relapsed today. Bah! Last time I felt I could make some sense of it and improve, harder to stay positive like that this time around. I had, as intended, managed to stay away from Psubs for two weeks, but then fell back on Saturday and there was only going to be one outcome from there. In some dark confused corner of my mind at certain times I simply can not resist looking at Psubs when I see them, but, much worse, looking for Psubs, mostly under the questionable guise of knowing where they are so I can avoid them. Yeah right! When I previously quit a few years back (without any help or forums) I went for 17, 9, and 3 days before forgetting about quitting for years. Now it's 41 and 15 days. I must do everything I can to regain momentum and not slide into shorter and shorter streaks. No risk of forgetting this time, but defeating myself only makes the mountain tougher to climb. Feeling humbled and not in control, but also dedicated to keep trying to make sense of these mechanisms and to get right back onto the horse going for a good streak, putting distance hour by hour and day by day.

 

Sorry to hear it @sjindjin. Psubs are so insidious and can sneak up on you without even realizing it. I've been working hard on developing a knee-jerk response when a sexualized picture comes up unintentionally while online--ask myself, why did you pause? There is never a good answer, and it helps me move on instead of going down the sub hole which always leads down the PMO hole. I've reached the point where I no longer feel psubs are 'innocent' or 'I'm still a man, dammit'. My addiction will tell me any lie it needs to in order to get fed, and my addiction needs to starve.
So put the time in now while you're motivated to come up with some action plans for 1)when your addiction is trying to convince you to go fishing and 2)when you accidentally stumble on something and your addiction flares up and demands you keep going. Personally, I am a strong proponent of cold showers, wim hoff breathing, and exercise, but whatever strategies you choose, you need to be able to implement them the millisecond you realize what's going on.
Looking at your previous streaks, it looks the one week and two week marks are particularly dangerous for you, so plan to be away from your computer and phone at those times. Also consider signing up for something new in your hobby interest to keep you occupied for these first two weeks--the busier you are and the more you can keep your mind curious and engaged, the easier it will be to get past that horrid first week of abstinence.

 

Well I wish I could say I was checking in with 14 days completed but unfortunately it is back to square 1.

I wish I could say day 14 is impressive but I almost always relapse somewhere between day 10-17. Hopefully this will just be a slip up and not a full blown relapse. The next couple of days are crucial.

Will spend sometime contemplating mistakes made today but already have a pretty good idea of where I messed up. I was definitely complacent regarding a few keystone habits.

 

Sure. Is this the small sobriety group Zoom call? The $40/month group or blog like this?

 

Just ended a blowout relapse.
Awful. Terrible. About as bad as before my introduction to NoFap. Complete moral bankruptcy.
Glad it's over. I can feel a quality streak beginning.

 

Checking in on a sunny Wednesday. Got out for a great snow bike ride so feeling good and full of endorphins. I've been noticing my mood declining the past few days and realized that because of the crazy weather I hadn't done good cardio for close to a week, and that's a recipe for disaster. So glad I made it out today and going to prioritize breathing hard over some of my other hobbies for a bit to get the body back in sync.

 

Lost electricity internet and cell coverage the last couple of days. Snow and ice a week after wearing shorts is kind of wild. Just wanted to say hey and hopefully the power stays on. Sometimes bad stuff makes you appreciate the little things.

 

I feel like 'moral bankruptcy' is the wrong way to look at it. You didn't kill anyone. For me PMO falls into the same category as drinking or smoking, etc. Is it harmful in excess, yes. But morally wrong? You shouldn't have to feel like you are a 'bad' person when it happens.

Dang brother, I've been following the situation over there. I have some friends and family there too, and luckily they are okay. Hoping that it all gets resolved quickly.

 

Well, so much for 'these next days are crucial' after my last session. My slip-up was followed by probably the most stressful couple of days I've had in a long time, and I imagine a lot of us have the same coping mechanism to stress..... Bad timing to have it so bad the day after a slip-up, it definitely became a full blown relapse.

Anyway, back in the saddle now. Fired up again to pick up my good habits once again and build a streak. No point putting my head in the sand, have to tackle the problems right in front me rather than wallow in self pity and a porn induced dopamine flood.

 

Checking in. Nothing much to report, feeling strong overall!