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Escort challenge

Discussion in 'Compulsive Sexual Behavior' started by need4realchg, Nov 14, 2019.

Are you struggling with paid-sex?

  1. Yes— and I would join the challenge/group

  2. No, but I would like to join too

  3. Yes— but not interested in a challenge or a group

Results are only viewable after voting.
  1. GA93JDeereboy

    GA93JDeereboy Fapstronaut

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    Start with a plan that’s the start if this is something you want to quit.

    I had my fun the other day. I’m through, I just looking for something more serious. Had a great time, great conversation, great time going out, just long run not something i want to keep doing.
     
    BobbyBaccala1987 likes this.
  2. Kowe

    Kowe Fapstronaut

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    Why would anyone quit this though ...as long as it's in moderation and just taking the edge off and not a life ruining addiction?

    That's like quitting having a once a month steak and fries. Maybe worth it for some but now and again you deserve a treat.

    You yourself said the last visit was just a bit of fun and seemed to help you relax.

    It's not like alcohol where you can indulge in escorts in all of your waking moments if you have a problem with it.

    It actually has quite a few physical and psychologically off putting elements which stop it becoming an insane addiction. I mean physical barriers in terms of location and just all the mental games you have to play in regards to expectations and going through with it and the after effects.
     
    need4realchg and GA93JDeereboy like this.
  3. Afternoon

    @Kowe - sounds like you are quite happy with how you are living your life then? No?

    What is the issue then? If you are happy to spend money and see escorts then cool.

    Do you believe you have any Porn or sex addictions?
     
    need4realchg likes this.
  4. GA93JDeereboy

    GA93JDeereboy Fapstronaut

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    One reason I'm quitting is because I want to find a girlfriend.
    I don't know if i'll chat with that escort again. I mean maybe, I could get attached to her, and she not really want me. You don't know, she is a person as well. I just am working on quitting because I'm a sex addict. I admit.
    I would look for escorts instead of girlfriends, I'd spend hours online looking through the escort sites, i'd even spent some money that was given to me to see an escort, kinda dirty.
    I'll admit before I found the last one I spent hours looking through the sites. I was immersed in my addiction, kinda like when your looking at porn for hours. It wasn't good at all.
    So that's a bit about why i'm quitting if that helps you out.

    To some, sure, have fun, have some moderation, your a bit depressed, you know this lady is a decent lady and treats you fair, and your not cheating on your significant other, she's what your looking for, so I mean in that sense I'd say that's ok. Of course I'm far from perfect.
    Maybe I got lucky with meeting the last one as hey we kicked it off. It's something I'll remember for the rest of my life, a threesome with 2 beautiful ladies, I mean, you know...
    I just gotta get myself together. I got to overcome my shyness, my fear of talking to girls, those things.
     
  5. Whoever can enjoy and keep it under control ... wonderful. I couldn't. At my best times I went to three escorts on one day, lol. OMG, was I hooked. So glad I am out. It really controlled me, was compulsive and lost. So, I know for me it's high risk to peek and sneak. I am a sex addict in recovery. Definitely so.
     
  6. OhWhenThe

    OhWhenThe Fapstronaut

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    Has seeing escorts had a positive or negative effect on this? Or neither?
     
  7. GA93JDeereboy

    GA93JDeereboy Fapstronaut

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    I’m not sure to
    Be honest Cause I can be shy to anyone not just girls. I think maybe seeing the escorts could have been negative in ways that rather then going out, I’d be with an escort. And at that point you don’t need any game to pickup girls.
    Just some money, sure you want to look decent regardless. This dang internet, I got to get off of it, get off social media, leave the house, go out. Talk to people!
     
    bjorkstadski222 and kammaSati like this.
  8. It’s interesting reading the last couple of posts. The sense that it’s under control for some people and that going to see an escort is ok and that it’s not part of any addiction is almost admirable.

    For me, it’s the ultimate ‘unhealthy’ high that is so far the other way from trying to be a better, more well-rounded person.

    I guess it’s what I keep saying, that everyone’s addiction levels are different. Our pasts shape our present so what we do and what we like and how we get to satisfy our dopamine are vastly different from one person to another.

    For me, as a newly single man, I feel I can use chat apps to date and create healthy situations in the short term. Porn and escorts are still going to be unhealthy even as a single person and will not plunge to those depths just to get a fix. Nor will I use social media to search for women and porn.

    I know what i won’t do and know my limits, but as I’ve said, we are all different.

    We are also here to discuss and assist and ask questions. Thats support IMO
     
  9. Kowe

    Kowe Fapstronaut

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    The reality is that most of the women are taken up by men with most confidence/best looks/highest up in the dominance hierarchy.

    That leaves us unfortunately 'lower quality' men (sad to even type that) to either work on ourselves relentlessly to better ourselves so we are level or better than the competition OR we can just take a break from that exhausting world and get some sexual relief from escorts.

    I wouldn't say it's 'the easy way out' in the sense at least for me, there is an enormous amount of fear and anxiety I have to conquer to go through with it.

    However, I agree it requires no skill. But you know what? There are enough things in life that take a ton of skill and effort.

    We need that to maintain our jobs and work on our passions outside of that. In a fair world, the fact we excel professionally or at certain skills would make us attractive but I feel like this isn't the case if you are insecure and shy.
     
    Last edited: Feb 25, 2021
  10. Veritech

    Veritech Fapstronaut

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    Totally disagree!!!

    Anybody (even insecure and shy men) can find a satisfactory relationship.

    Also, 'high quality' men can pay tens of thousands of dollars on escorts (see Hugh Grant and Eliot Spitzer as some examples).

    Today I seek more out of life than paying a woman to have sex with me and provide me with insincere compliments; then 15 minutes after I leave the hotel room, she is fucking another dude and providing him with the same exact insincerity she gave to me.
     
  11. Well ... I wouldn't consider myself a lower quality man. But for sure I am an addict. And that's what I've got in common with other people, high and low. Addiction knows no such thing as low or high, addiction loves us all. True, I felt worthless. But so did Robin Williams and killed himself. Why? Not cause he was low, nor high. Just sad, feeling worhtless.
    “I think the saddest people always try their hardest to make people happy because they know what it’s like to feel absolutely worthless and they don’t want anyone else to feel like that", he said. I was sad, disconnected and my addiction helped me survive. That's the good part of it. But now it's time to move on. We are all worthy of love and belonging. But first we need to learn to love ourselves not because we are high or great but despite the fact we are flawed. We're human, not artificial intelligence. Love the flaws, make peace with all the mistakes, smile at escorts, wish them a happy day, give them some cash for a smoothie, bring them some flowers, don't expect them to handle you, do not ask for anything in return and enjoy your freedom.
     
    need4realchg likes this.
  12. Kowe

    Kowe Fapstronaut

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    Insecure and shy men can find a relationship if they have something, a lot of money or looks or success at something. Or even just a sense of style or the ability to conform really well to some image that people think is 'normal.'

    That old adage people say to depressed people: 'YOU ARE ENOUGH.' Its not true. Unfortunately, we aren't enough a lot of the time, not unless we find a way to make a success of ourselves in a way that others can see.

    The comment about her leaving the hotel room and fucking another dude well, you could be in a loving relationship for 5 years but when it ends I doubt it would take that long, if she's an attractive woman, for her to be fucking some other dude.
     
  13. Veritech

    Veritech Fapstronaut

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    I am failing at this challenge. Today, I saw another escort.

    Again, I am calling the escort service, withdrawing the money, waiting at the hotel, walking to the room and putting the donation down on the table. Each event is a time to stop myself. Yet I feel if I do not proceed to the next step, I am chickening out.

    I feel excitement during my session then I feel like a whole lot of nothing after.

    I do not understand why I continue paying for sex.
     
    need4realchg likes this.
  14. Chin up mate, although you feel like your failing, your already improving your mind frame because you are coming here to tell everyone.

    There would be an issue If you continued to keep it to yourself and bottle it up. You wouldn’t ever grow, just continue with those bad and unhealthy behaviours. But coming here, typing down those words will in some way empower you to change your thoughts and behaviours going forward.

    You’ll get there mate
     
    kammaSati, Veritech and GA93JDeereboy like this.
  15. GA93JDeereboy

    GA93JDeereboy Fapstronaut

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    Your not alone, it’s been almost a month since my last mishap. I remember it and yes although I enjoyed it, the ladies, the kissing and all that was awesome, but it was the nature of the business. I wanted fun, they had it for a price I paid, left feeling good. But more I think more I’m like dang. I know I have a lot to work on in my life, my confidence, my wellbeing.


    I just can’t afford it now to keep doing it since my income is much less then it was. Well, I could but soon or later it will start to cut into my bank account and even if I was making that good money again it boils down to the moral side of it.
    Buts it’s a tough addiction cause you can literally be hooking up with some chick in a
    like an hour.

    Don’t get down, your doing good for writing it here, keep pushing, you will be ok. Your not alone buddy, you’ve done pretty good, don’t get down, pick yourself back up!
     
  16. Semaphore

    Semaphore Fapstronaut

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    @Veritech you are in a process. You are stepping up to a new awareness level. You are also being analytical about the decisions you are making that take you in a direction your soul is saying is the wrong way.
    You are not failing, you are learning.
    I have "failed" too this month - for the second time this year. But glancing back at my "fail rate" for 2019 I would have "failed" six times this year by now.
    Keep watching yourself, strengthen your resolve a little more each time you are tempted and take a step up the ladder every time you manage to resist. Make this a habit and over time you will be resisting more and more. Work that resistance muscle.
    I like this thread - the pain, the honesty, the support, the absence of judgement is exceptional.
    Keep at it, sir.
     
  17. Cypher123

    Cypher123 Fapstronaut

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    Never had an addiction but I've been with 3 escorts and ever since my last one which was the 3rd one i decided not go back. But it still stresses me out that i actually went
     
  18. As long as you feel youll never go back then that’s good news and also the sense that the thought you did it stresses you out. It’s an odd experience to go through and depending on your personal life at that time it can be actually quite traumatic mentally.
     
    need4realchg and kammaSati like this.
  19. GA93JDeereboy

    GA93JDeereboy Fapstronaut

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    Today I been really battling some urges, but I’m fine, gosh it’s tough, yep I need to remember my “why's”

    my why I’m doing this! Reasons for quitting.I’ll make it!
    Keep strong everyone!
     
  20. Cypher123

    Cypher123 Fapstronaut

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    I don't think its traumatic i went in 2019 and last one was around February 2020 ever since then i decided to free myself before it becomes an addiction. The reason why it stresses me out is because I don't know how i will tell my partner if i ever find one that i paid for a escort and im still very young 22.
     

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