Space Marine February - Team Deathmatch (CLOSED)

I don't know the rules for dopamine fasting. Call it a custom dopamine fast. It has been over 10days. I completely avoided social media(particularly instagram), I was never a heavy eater so sugar was always consumed in less and these days I am mostly eating fruits. And for alcohol, well I never really tasted alcohol once #sadlife. I avoid looking at women and stopped fantasizing about them. In short I am totally avoiding everything that gives me momentary pleasure.
Being in a monthly challenges like this really helps in staying motivated and not falling for urges.

 

Checking In for Blood Angels.

I was feeling better today so I head out for a cricket match. I am pretty good at cricket and played after almost 2years.
The third week after a wetdream is a danger zone for another wetdream. If I dont exercise or stay physically active then there is a chance it will result into another wetdream,I am not taking any chances this time.

Is there a separate check in for purge?
If yes then I am reporting in.
Otherwise I already got a symbol before my name so I guess this was not needed.

 

Already see that I'm checked but just making sure. Hoping the black Templars can pull ahead.

Check in.

 

Hey! @EndPornLiveLife.
My name is not on the participant's(origin) list. Haven't I was included in the challenge?

 

Checking in, Day 25/28, Space Wolves.

 

Checking in day 26

 

Thanks Dude, appreciated!

 

Things ain't looking good marines... I got rejected last night so I'm in a bit of a spiral atm, feeling royally shit and desperately wanting to feel something. I have work all day until 5, locked in my room with nobody around, no meetings to break up the monotony and take my mind off things. Last night I caved and ate some chocolate (ok fine, a lot of chocolate) so my brain is now craving another dopamine rush. I haven't got anyone to talk things through with, at least not before work is over. My soul feels empty. I've been craving sex badly for the last couple of weeks but now I feel confident that I won't get any for the foreseeable future. Every fibre of my body is telling me to m to o. Today is going to be rough no matter what happens,

 

Checking In for Blood Angels.

February is coming to end and I seriously need to find some place to stay. I cannot stay in a relatives home for months. I have classes to attend and I want to join some other courses as well like gym and martial arts. I do not want someone to know what I am doing. Privacy is almost impossible in someone else's house. I talked to my family about it and they are not supportive this time. I understand why they will not allow me to stay alone in this covid era but I cannot just waste another year. I am already 21, I have to find a job, I have plans that I want to complete before 24 and most importantly I have to work on my body.
I already had anger issues and thinking about it only makes me more angrier.
I am just clueless why everytime everything goes against me. There is not a single occasion where something went right in my favour. FML.

 

Checking in, Day 26/28, Space Wolves.

 

Why do I keep relapsing over and over I feel sick and tired of this fight...
Like I don't want to fight anymore or seek repentance anymore coz I always move back to the same sin again and again...
I hate myself

 

Same here Fighter4life
Ever since I relapsed, 1/2way through the challenge, I fap every 2-4days.
But there is no reason to hate yourself.
We will get there eventually.
Time to revisit the reasons and get ready for next challenge!

 

Checking in for the black templars.

 

Checking in for the Blood Angels, yesterday was rough but we pulled through, had a few beers with the boys last night and chatted everything through, just opened my soul out and felt the love.

 

A True Hardship.

I am basically feeling a sick sensation of confinement and hopelessness. It was good that I conveyed my feelings to my parents about the shit school. It is really a jail in a jungle. It crushed my life as a human to an animal who have to follow the orders of his owner. Can't tell you the details as they are too long. I've told my parents that I will not go to that school again except on exam days. Anyway, this is covid-19 time and there is consent taken from the parents in allowing to go to school(in my country). So I will basically send a 'NO' in the consent. I cried all day long. But in the end, I shared it all with my caretakers and they gave a good response as I'm still a kid and need caretakers sometimes until my wise-advocate becomes more powerful. I became hopeless again and thought that ill never be happy which I experienced when I was not going to school and had freedom. Im feeling an unpleasant situation of helplessness and sadness.

It's not that I don't wanna study. I love studying physics, English, etc. It's a true need(leaving school for my well-being).

Thanks! you people gave me hope now and Im never gonna relapse, binge, or other addictions or entertainments. Because I know now(again) that there is something more than craving dopamine thru. cravings and addictions. And I will feel happy and goo all again(as if have felt happy when I was free). Im never gonna stop and pursue real life and will complete my goals.

 

Checking In for Blood Angels.

I am barely able to keep my mind focused. Its not that I am getting urges to relapse but I am angry all the time. I noticed ever since I started retaining semen,the intensity with which I feel things is magnified. And I am constantly fighting something in my life.
I only want mental peace and a place where I can be my true self.
Its sad I cannot talk to anyone about my mental struggles. I have not let anyone know the fights I am fighting inside my head. Not even my family knows I suffer from OCD and battled depression all by myself. OCD was severe 3months before then I took come control over it and now its back again.
I feel like my head will explode. Earlier it was PMO that used to be my escape. But I am determined to never PMO again, I aint going back to that disgusting shit.
I want peace, i dont want any negativity. Why is peace so hard to achieve?

 

Checking in, Day 27/28, Space Wolves.

 

Checking in, Dark Angels.

 

Checking in for the black templars.