H.O.W to start recovery (long read)

Now this is something I have come to learn from following the 12 Steps of SAA and using AA as a guideline towards them. I thought it worth sharing for it covers itself the first 3 steps of the 12 to a small degree and I believe these are the best starting points to overcoming porn and sex addiction.

Although these are great tools for the beginning of recovery, I recommend not taking these steps alone, it's best to have guidance and a friend to whom has gone through these steps and can help guide you to understand what you need from them.

As a disclaimer, all of this comes from me working the 12 steps (I'm not a genius in recovery, I am still recovering), but I believe the majority of those who can fully surrender to a new way of living and a simple programme can overcome this, but I highly recommend seeking SAA or another 12 step recovery programme to help you do so.

H- Honesty, first and foremost we need to be honest about our recovery, we need to understand that we have a problem and no matter what comes our way, whether a lapse or an escalation of our addictive behaviour, we need to be honest to ourselves. We are powerless to our addictive behaviours and no human power or self control will come to our rescue, our ways haven't worked and we need to believe that a power greater than ourselves can bring us round to sanity once more. (I'm not talking about the big G O D here, it absolutely can be if that is what you believe is your higher power, but I personally find the programme and the SAA Fellowship as my higher power).

Another aspect that ties in with this is honesty about our addictive behaviours, having a firm guideline to what constitutes our sexual behaviour, whether using porn (purposely posted sexual content is what I call it), using cam and chat sites and apps, using escorts and sex workers and so on. We need to know these for they are what constitutes a lapse. Also an understanding of what leads us towards our addictive sexual behaviour, and those we believe are healthy for us such as painting, walking and other activities. For this I recommend using the Three Circles, here is a link to a leaflet that will help understand how to set them up https://saa-recovery.org/literature/three-circles-defining-sexual-sobriety-in-saa/

Also to fully understand the wrongs we have committed or the silly things we have done during our sexual addiction (to a degree for later in the steps you come to this fully), I recommend answering these twelve questions on this leaflet with absolute honesty https://saa-recovery.org/literature/first-step-to-recovery-a-guide-to-working-the-first-step/ for this I do recommend joining a SAA or another group for it can be quite heart breaking to fully admit the things you may have done depending on their scale, but it can be eye opening and having someone there to guide you will bring you that support you need.

O- Open Mindedness, is absolutely key, for we have come to realise we are powerless and our ways have not worked, so now we need to open our minds truly to a new way. A new way of living at that, for we cannot believe truly that our life will change doing the same thing to try and recover that has not worked, that is the definition of insanity. So we need to open ourselves up to a new way, a simple programme and a power greater than ourselves.

This can vary, but for me I put in rules on internet use, and am following a simple daily programme that if I follow everyday will bring my mind back to sanity. I have not come up with this, these are things that HAD to happen for recovery to be possible for me, and I fully concede to this. These are the measure that must be taken, maybe yours will differ, but you need to be honest about what you can and can't do and open minded to a new way.

W- Willingness, now maybe you are now honest with yourself and those around you, and your open to a new way of living your life (forever, addiction never disappears, no going back to what you've done before no matter the length of sobriety), but now you must be willing to put this all in place, for if you are not willing you will allow your old ways to return, that is just how it is. A willingness to try this new way may be hard, it may take time, for it is further acceptance that several lifelong conceptions need to be thrown out the window.

This is all it takes to start recovery, it's as simple as nodding your head three times, but only in true acceptance. Are you powerless? Yes. Are you Open minded to a new way of life? Yes. Are you willing to truly accept this new way of life and leave your old life behind? Yes. It's that simple, but I do again say that doing these steps with a fellowship around you such as SAA is key, working it alone is a dangerous road, but it's a good start at least.

Now I'm not an expert, no one really is, I cannot say I have beat this, but I feel I am well on the way to overcoming my addictive sexual behaviour. Only through the 12 Step will I find recovery now, I have tried and failed for 6 years, if I can't accept a new way of life I will never beat my behaviour.

Now I say a new way of life all the way through this, it doesn't mean throwing all away, it just means changing aspects that are clearly harmful to you as an addict. I still live my life in a way I want to, but I incorporate new rules that are healthy and follow a programme for my days that doesn't really interfere in my life all too much, it helps more than it impedes I assure you of that.

I think I've said enough here, I hope this helps anyone who reads it, and if you disagree then that's fine I am not here to tell you how to live your life, just here to present another way.

Here is a link to the SAA Website, have a look, read the literature and look into it properly, it's not going to hurt https://saa-recovery.org/

Good luck friends!

 

No problem, I am glad it has helped!