Seeking advice on lovemaking and female orgasm

Has she ever had an orgasm? No, it’s not anything like porn. She needs to be able to tell u what she likes and what feels good. Of course we can have an orgasm without yelling, I can orgasm and my husband would never know. Usually we are both quiet because other people live in our house. Lol.

 

Ask her how she does it herself. That's the best place to start. If she's never done it herself, give her time to figure it out by herself.

 

I would think she would know if she had an orgasm. It’s pretty awesome, so I’m not sure if she has? I could be wrong though, everyone is different. There is a difference between just feeling good and enjoying love making and having an orgasm. Many women can’t orgasm until they hit their 30’s. Many can’t orgasm with penetration. Many can’t orgasm if they don’t feel comfortable/completely safe with partner. It can get complicated. It’s very hard for me to reach orgasm some days because I’m going into menopause, hormones can affect her ability to orgasm.
As to orgasms and my husband not know, you aren’t forced to make faces or noises lol, if I wanted to hide it I could. You do realize porn is all acting? Most do not enjoy what they are doing, that’s part of the reason drug use is so high, so they can forget.

 

It's not like porn with spasms and yelling and squirting such. The really BAD porn makes it seem like women have seizures. My wife's vary greatly depending on how, when, timing, buildp, etc.


You have to stop thinking of it as your job to make her orgasm, or the success of sex being based on her orgasm. Sex can be great for men and women without an orgasm. You asking her is just putting pressure on her, which is like a woman asking "are you going to her harder?" or "is that it?". Remember you don't DO sex TO a partner, you have sex WITH a partner.

I'd really encourage her to take time to find herself, if she has not already. If she says she's enjoying sex, take it and don't pressure her. But it's also OK to talk outside of the bedroom about sex, the last thing you want is for her to think she has to lie to you about enjoyment and that creating resentment.

 

Yeah I think she would know. And yeah, we can have them without our partner knowing it. Especially if she is a more quiet person to begin with. What you see on porn is not real. At all. You should maybe get the book She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman. I haven't read it but the reviews are really good.

 

every woman is different. no one except your wife can tell you exactly what to do. get the book the person above reccomended.

 

Connection, love, enjoyment of each others bodies. Making orgasm *the* goal is a lot of pressure on both sides. If you're both trying to measure up to porn, you're both going to be disappointed because that is not great sex and it's not real sex. All it is is using a woman like an object who is most likely faking the outcome with men who many are having to pop pills to do that. I'd also be very careful with the advice you may or may not get here. Pay attention to the significant others and those who are in recovery long enough to understand the difference between porn influenced sex and actual intimacy seeking sex.

 

I'm by no means an expert but I have put some research into this and I think you may inadvertently be approaching this from a very "man orientated" perspective, ie you are looking at this almost too logically, as a problem to be solved.

(Everything I'm about to say is a general take, there are always exceptions) Women are wired completely differently to men when it comes to sex. Whereas a man can be ready to go in no time at all, going from completely unaroused to aroused in mere minutes, women need a slower, more thoughtful approach. Oftentimes focusing only on the end result can be counterproductive and leaves you feeling like you "failed" and the woman feeling like you are more focused on the result than the experience. Sex is supposed to be fun! It's not a job! You aren't fixing a car, you are engaging in the most intimate of experiences with another human being.

I would advise taking the time to just exist in a sexual space with your partner where you are not aiming to accomplish anything beyond just understanding each other better. Touch her body, find places she responds to, try combinations of different things. Pay attention not just to what she says but to how she physically reacts. Porn gives a false impression of how people are "supposed" to react during the act, in reality many women are more subtle and you can only learn what your partner reacts to by taking it slow and trying to see what she likes and what she doesnt. She can of course return the favour and hopefully enhance both of your experiences.

I'm so glad you mentioned you do engage in non-penetrative sex. I dont say that to be patronising but I've been in several threads the last few days where dudes on here have no idea that jumping straight to penetration is often not a good idea, they seem to think that the woman's pleasure is entirely dependant on how big your penis is and how much you can emulate a jackhamer. Anyway, you are on the right track when it comes to using your fingers and mouth on her. I'm sure she does appreciate you doing this as it can be the best way to achieve the various types of orgasm that women can experience. It is also possible for women to orgasm via direct stimulation to erogenous zones outside of their genitalia, such as the nipples. As always, experimentation is key.

 

Eventually you will learn how she does. Maybe she breathes faster, squeezes your arm, quivers, whatever. Maybe she will make noise. Who knows. There is no one way. The last thing you want is her distracted thinking she has to be a certain way and fake it. Go watch the when harry met sally scene. Noises can be faked quite easily.

And she might want to give guidance in whatever way makes her comfortable. Maybe she is shy to talk about it but would be ok squeezing your arm when something is good. Who knows. But the hope is that you get to a level of intimacy where there are no more secrets. You are both vulnerable to each other fully. When that happens, shame, embarassment, etc go away because there is safety and love. And then everything just seems to work better.

 

First rule (golden rule):

Think of all the ways women orgasm in porn. Good, now you know all the LEAST likely ways a real woman orgasms, so you can avoid all of those mistakes. Aggressively rubbing someone in their genitals like you are lighting a fire with very moist sticks or using your penis like a woodpecker just doesn't work. It is not compatible with the female anatomy. Real arousal is frightfully boring to watch, no pornographer would ever be stupid enough to try to sell a scene like that. Artificial sex scenes look amazing, but does nothing to make a female archive ultimate arousal.

Second rule:

The signs of an orgasm (screaming, sighing, staying quiet, grunting and so on) varies so much it is probably not of much use to try to decipher the signs of it. There are probably as many women that are rather silent as there are yellers. Too much yelling are likely a result from faking it all together.

Third rule:

Women orgasm when they feel safe and appreciated; likely an evolutionary trait to measure up any potential father to future children. That job, to make her feel valuable, starts several days before the sexual act itself. Build up a romantic atmosphere by being helpful and appreciating of what she does and who she is. Help her with small things and listen to what she have to say, even if it seems irrelevant to you. Put your own orgasm aside to just explore sex together, even if its slow (no increasing of pace unless she tells you) and let her do a lot of the rubbing on her own. She either knows how to make herself orgasm, or she needs to learn it with you being the helpful guinea pig. Arousal starts in the mind and takes time, much longer for a woman than for a man. She has a strong mental connection to her sexual desire. Great lovers learn how to map out how to trigger these responses.

Remember, if it looks boring to an imaginary onlooker, you are probably doing something right!

 

Probably the best advice I've seen on this subject so far. I think a lot of people (not just men, I think many women have this problem too) dont truly understand how arousal and sexuality differs between men and women. Men are incredibly simple, almost to the point its funny. We see an attractive woman, and thats usually all it takes. Women are much, much more complicated than that and it takes more to get them to a state where they are even aroused at all, let alone ready to orgasm. I'd even argue that the actual penetration is the least important part of the entire process, everything else leading up to it matters way more.

 

For example in tantric and taoist sex it is said that men have to learn to control ejaculation and women they need to relax and lose their inhibitions.

Other thing is if your energy is focused in giving her an orgasm or her to squirt it won't happen she will notice it whereas it is in a conscious or subconscious level.

Also do this questions to yourself before Sex, Sex it is not a rational thing it is a crazy drive. Also you should just enjoy it you learn about sex by exploring and enjoying it, in the moment itself you learn, not by reading its about gaining your own experience little by little.

If she is telling you she feels good then it is alright.

Women are strange creatures not even them know for sure many things about their minds and bodies, also sex always has its mistery no matter how much you do it. That is also a fun part of it.

The most important thing about her it is that she feels relax, uninhibited and loved. let her explore more and more her sexuality. Try new poses, massages like a yani tantric massage, fingering, squirt, anal Sex. Make her go deeper and deeper into a healthy loving sexual experience, you both learn at the same time its your own intimate adventure.

And one day her orgasm will come, and she will know, but let her explore and know herself some girls it takes time for them to know and enjoy sexuality to the fullest

 

long as if you both practice no P no solo M an keep intimate with each other overtime you guys well learn what works for each other, i like my love making sessions 30 mins to an hour lot of oral to her inbetween is how i make that happen, introduce a blind fold as it well heighten the senses ,not making your partner orgasm messes with your ego i know, but its only ego dont worry bout it,but i realize something thanks to this thread, one reason she might not reach orgasm is shes nervous or anxious