I'm dying!

Well it sounds to me like you need some serious help, I suggest seeking out some form of therapy to help overcome your feelings, and to have an impartial person to talk to, as there's no one better. Most important thing to do is speak to someone though, family, friends, althoguh it's goog that you are putting this out there on NoFap, you don't get the real face to face feeling of someone who actually cares. Find someone to talk to, fear and sadness thrive in secrecy!

 

It is a shame that a nursing student cannot responsibly handle his own knowledge. That's I have to say on the matter.

If you ask me, I'd tell you to get therapy and reconsider your career.

 

Do you have a positive test result? Also I do not think that it can transfer like that - atleast the risk is super small. You should how ever talk to a doctor etc. maybe it can help to relieve this stress. I am sure you can contact them by a phone etc.
ps. you sound a lot like old me over analyzing and fearing that everything is my fault and I deserve to be punished for it. I am sure that as you continue nofap and add constructive and positive changes into your life (healthy habits and new hobbies) you will feel better. God bless you and may you have strength to fight this addiction!

 

I'm glad to hear that you're changing careers. It's better for everyone this way.

 

Good to hear that you count in God! Even your sins are forgiven by God if you repent them and the bad feeling that you have is one sign of repent. Ask for forgiveness for your past sins and do your best to not do them again. Sexual sin is one of the hardest ones to get rid of but God grace will remove anything bad as long as we want it too. God bless you.

 

I don't believe your mother will judge you for this, it's a problem you are going through and they'll only be supportive if that is wah tyou need of them. I have my mum ask me what I am doing if I go near the router to plug my ethernet cable in, it's a precaution that needs to be taken in my case and my mum is well aware of my addiction to porn.

 

If you are having suicide ideas you should consider going to the psychiatric emergency room.
You are just way too much into your on thoughts, it seems you need antidepressants or anxiolytic medicine. This problem seems too much for this forum.

Take care