Rebooting while trying to have a kid?

I'm close to 100 days without pmo, I couldn't grasp how a married person would look at porn and leave the wife he really loves How does this happen

 

I think you can do it. Just quit the pmo now and abstain from sex for a while. How long it takes to get right again I think depends how long you have been in this stage. I started having the same issue as you, not trying to make a baby, but with death grip and finishing. The porn kills the desire for the real thing and the deathgrip ruins erections. So quiting porn returned the desire for me. My will power is not as strong as some on here, so when I relapse/reset I don't watch porn and I don't grab it like I normally did in the past, just rub the tip instead. I don't have any issues getting the job done with her now. It only took me a couple of weeks to fix the deathgrip problem.

I could be wrong on the meaning of his post, but it is a popular misconception on this site that when one gets a girlfriend/wife their porn addiction will be cured overnight. It's usually imagined that being married means that they will have sex on tap whenever they want.

Good luck and I wish you the best on having another child.

 

I can confirm being married does not undo issues with self pleasuring. And sex is certainly not at will. Although I have been married only a couple years and things are still very hot and fresh (I believe partly due to my semen retention and her keeping herself nice for me) I am still dealing with conquering my own issues and learning to retain and abstain

 

That’s leaving your wife even if you don’t realize it. You have left her in ways you can’t even understand until you get clean from this addiction.

 

He asked what the guy meant by “ leaving his wife” because technically he hadn’t divorced her. As an addict, he doesn’t realize how he has left her. I wasn’t judging, I was stating how he had “ left” from a wife’s perspective who has been with her husband for 34 years. When you are with an addict who’s addiction causes him to prefer porn women to the point he can’t get it up or hold an erection with his spouse, you have been abandoned. More than just physically. Are you here to learn or do you just want someone to tell you how great it is you are trying? Trying isn’t going to change anything, getting clean and in recovery will change his world! And hers.

 

Well, I never post to “ judge” someone, but I believe that until you are in recovery you lie to yourself every bit as much as to others. Too many times the addict believes that because it’s a hidden addiction it doesn’t hurt anyone or have consequences. My husband believed that for years. Not until he got into recovery did he actually see the damage he had done. Addiction, no matter to what, always places a wall between the addict and others. The opposite of addiction is connection so while he is deep in addiction he will not have connection with his spouse. She will feel it and know it. Most of us long to be connected to our spouse, but until the addict gets into recovery, there isn’t anything we can do about it.