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Share your thoughts on edging

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by learning, Mar 21, 2021.

  1. learning

    learning Fapstronaut

    Edging seems to be one of several factors in my problems. There is a threshold I cross where I become trapped in an edging binge that can last up to 12 hours. I can't seem to ejaculate, but also I can't seem to stimulate more intensely to eventually ejaculate. When I was younger (I'm in my mid 50s now) ejaculation happened naturally against my will when I masturbated. Now it isn't that way for whatever reason (my age or years of edging practice). Also ejaculating drains me far more than when I was younger, so I dread it. I typically ejaculate only once every 2 or 3 weeks, but I feel severely hungover and drained for a couple of days afterwards. So ejaculating doesn't seem to be the solution either. Nor is abstinence for porn and edging a solution, because I get very depressed without daily porn and edging. Moderation might work, but sometimes I cross that threshold and no longer have the willpower to stop and I get trapped for hours in a binge.

    So I'm fishing for thoughts from others on this topic. I'm kind of getting discouraged.
     
    Last edited: Mar 21, 2021
    Andrew-B and modern milarepa like this.
  2. Deckerstar

    Deckerstar Fapstronaut

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    This might Encourage you to quit porn.




    Hope you've a wonderful journey.
     
    2080Future and learning like this.
  3. learning

    learning Fapstronaut

    Thanks, for me it is a little different. I'm in my 50s, and I no longer feel like a failure for being alone. When I was young it bothered me that I had no luck finding a girlfriend, but now I just don't care at all. That's one advantage to aging I suppose is that you no longer judge yourself so harshly. So that typical nofap sales pitch doesn't resonate with me.

    What does resonate with me is the personal cost I have paid for PMO in time that could have been applied to more worthwhile pursuits like learning art or math or swimming and so on. That's what resonates at this stage in my life. I would be happy to become asexual if that could magically happen. It's not about morality or finding a real girlfriend; it's about taking my life back from this monster so that I can put something on my epitaph beyond "watched hours and hours of porn".
     
  4. IGY

    IGY Fapstronaut
    NoFap Defender

    4,259
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    Abstinence from PMO is the solution, but you haven't abstained from it long enough to reboot. As for edging, it is the worst thing you can do. You can see why by reading the following article...

    What if I masturbate (edge) or watch porn without orgasm? – Your Brain On Porn
     
    Andrew-B and learning like this.
  5. AtomicTango

    AtomicTango Fapstronaut

    I dont have much to add that isnt kinda obvious but I'll state it anyway; you feel depressed because you are addicted to PMO and edging, and this depression will only go away for good if you stop entirely. Its hard, but it IS possible. Moderation cant and wont work because you dont have the willpower, its that simple.

    As for the rest of it, you answered your own question. The main benefit of quitting PMO for you is to use that insane amount of time you spend doing it doing other things. You might be mid 50's but I have to assume you are not on your deathbed, if you play your cards right you could still have decades of time to do other, more productive things. The only person who can kickstart that change is you.
     
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  6. learning

    learning Fapstronaut

    I do have the willpower to stop if I act before a certain state change happens in my brain. That state change seems to happen if my porn viewing is motivated solely by hedonism. Then it is like a switch is flipped and the porn brain is in the driver's seat and I don't have the willpower to stop.

    The depression is really pretty severe when I don't indulge in some sort of sexual stimulation. I actually don't have any desire for sex. I'm not horny, but I find that I no longer care about anything or have any hope for the future. I start fantasizing about suicide and so forth. Paradoxically, it takes a lot of willpower to START looking at porn when I get into that state of mind, because I don't want to do that either. Very strange.

    I did actually abstain for 2 years about 10 years ago. For some reason I decided I needed a change and decided to quit looking at porn. Ten years ago I didn't spend nearly as much time looking at porn and didn't edge, and quitting seemed very easy. I had no desire for porn and everything was smooth for two weeks. Then I suddenly I began to have psychosis. I don't know if that was a coincidence, but I suspect it was connected.

    So I think there is something about my brain that needs whatever porn and edging provides. Maybe it is a need that has developed over years of PMOing, but it is still a need and cold turkey doesn't seem to be the right strategy for me. The anhedonia and depression seems to be a greater problem than sexual frustration.
     
    Last edited: Mar 21, 2021
  7. learning

    learning Fapstronaut

    That article made mention of prolactin as the "brake" after ejaculation happens. That is good to know, and I hadn't heard of it before. Thanks.
     
  8. AtomicTango

    AtomicTango Fapstronaut

    This is what happens when you are addicted to something. Your existing neural pathways hijack your rational brain and literally make you act out. The way to stop this is to weaken the pathways. This can be done in a variety of ways but simple abstinence combined with taking active steps to live a better life (eating better, exercising, taking up creative and productive endeavours, working on mental health) to replace those pathways with something better.

    Please dont take this the wrong way but all this is classic rationalisation at work. You feel terrible when you dont PMO because of withdrawal kicking in. You will never overcome withdrawal if you dont commit to abstinence. Your brain "needs" PMO in the same way a heroin junkie "needs" to shoot up. You arent experiencing sexual frustration, you are experiencing compulsion. If it sounds like I'm being blunt I am, because this is all stuff you really need to know to stand a chance to beat this thing. It is NOT too late.
     
  9. If you have the intellectual capacity I would recommend checking out the works of Ray Peat on RayPeat.com on metabolic health and wellbeing so on and so on.
    This channel is very good.



    These videos are good.
    God Bless you.
     
    learning likes this.
  10. learning

    learning Fapstronaut

    Thanks, I enjoyed the videos although I only watched the first video in its entirety and only the start of the last two videos. One thing I have noticed about depression is that it is kind of a madness almost like psychosis. Everything seems terrible and hopeless, and I don't want to escape depression when I am depressed, because I think I'm in perfect mental health and my grim outlook is founded on facts. When depression ends I am invariably dismayed that I suddenly feel some hope yet moments earlier I felt no hope at all and the only difference is my mind. That's scary to me. I am not certain if the discussion of suicide in the third video reflects a full appreciation that depression is madness. Of course depression is different for different people. Just my two cents.
     
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  11. I feel this madness aswell at times something very similar as you describe, he talks about something similar a few times aswell, interesting how there are shared experiences such as these. Really I'm a bit surprised and at awe at how similar I would and have described them to myself some aspects of my "depression" as to how you described them. I don't think it is not so different for people after all. But it is getting better.

    The second video is very good, I think the best out of the three I linked and the only one I watched twice is Naturally. I watched this video in a dark low, and I was surprised at how much sense it made and how much I could apply it and how it is seemingly perfect. Generally I only glimpse through his videos as you describe aswell, watching a few minutes from the start. Every video is just a treasure of knowledge, sometimes too much to take in and fully digest, so simply watching 2 or so videos and a bit of thinking are enough for me for about a few months now. Truly I'd say he changed my life through the wisdom he shares.

    I have not really watched the 3rd video yet but it is interesting to me he talked about this.
     
    learning likes this.
  12. Last edited by a moderator: Mar 23, 2021
    learning likes this.
  13. modern milarepa

    modern milarepa Fapstronaut

    Why don’t you try a lingam massage you use almond oil, relaxing music alone in your bed and you touch your abs, thighs genitals, body a gentle massage. Then you touch your penis just feeling the sensations, and then you masturbate but don’t ejaculate.

    I did it two times and after I experienced it, it was a big factor for me to come into peace with my own sexuality, peace with masturbation. I realized that I already have this sexual energy in me and ironically after I did it it’s been almost a year without masturbation.
     
  14. I have come to learn this important thing...
    EDGING IS WORSE THAN MASTURBATING WITH EJACULATION.

    It floods brain with dopamine and the brain becomes overstimulated for nothing. This makes you shutdown those receptors for dopamine fast. You lose motivation, no confidence, world is dull, self isolate, anxiety, nothing makes you happy as normal activities.
    Stop edging. I'd rather you masturbate without porn. Am not for masturbation either, but soon you'll come to know you can't masturbate without porn images in mind and you'll just end up quitting even plain masturbation eventually.
     
    Xander_ and learning like this.
  15. learning

    learning Fapstronaut

    That's an interesting hymn. Normally I don't like the Orthodox style of music or the Gregorian chants and so forth. I don't know why, because I know most people like them. But that one is good.
     
  16. learning

    learning Fapstronaut

    That sounds interesting, but for me I don't know if it would help. There is something wrong with me. On one hand, I can sometimes edge to porn and p-sub for up to 12 hours as though I am some sort of sex maniac, but if I don't edge at least an hour each morning I begin to completely lose interest in porn and nothing at all seems interesting or hopeful. For example, I skipped the edging this morning, because I woke up late and porn seems repulsive and dull to me this evening, but also life in general seem dull and pointless. I guess edging must stir-up some chemical that I need to function and enjoy life for the remainder of the day. If it was only an hour each morning then I could deal with the problem, but sometimes it becomes a binge where I sacrifice most of my day sitting in front of a computer edging.
     
  17. learning

    learning Fapstronaut

    Thanks for the encouragement :)
     
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  18. freewilly

    freewilly Fapstronaut

    Edging is worst than M imo
     
    vercent99 and learning like this.
  19. modern milarepa

    modern milarepa Fapstronaut

    It seems if you want to reduce it use, you might need pharmacological help like a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor. A doctor can prescribe it.
     
    learning likes this.
  20. learning

    learning Fapstronaut

    That's what I've been thinking too. A few moments ago, I was having so much brain fog that I was having difficulty typing a response. I took some medicinal plant stuff that affects acetylcholine and now I feel normal. This morning I woke up too late for any porn viewing, and I think that is why I was having the brain fog.

    One thing I suspect is adrenal fatigue, because I have some of the symptoms such as salt cravings, low blood pressure, sensitivity to light, etc. Another possibility is low testosterone. I intend to order some online do-it-yourself tests, but it is difficult to get the energy and self confidence to get that done. I have little windows when I am functional, and then the window of closes before I have accomplished whatever it was I was working on.

    I think the edging is some sort of self medication and if I can get some more effective treatment or medication then I can tackle the porn addiction more effectively. So, yeah, I think you are correct in your assessment.
     

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