How to deal with a breakup?

So I was seeing someone for a couple months virtually. I have never felt such a rapid connection with a woman in my life. We went from 0-100 really quick! The connection was undeniable. It had been forever since I've felt like this about anybody! I thought she was "the one" on more than one occasion. Things were going well until we started talking about the future, possibly our future together. I guess our visions didn't align and then she broke up with me over text : ( She said she was too anxious because I didn't have a "plan" and that to her it seemed like I was just winging it through life (maybe I have been). Any tips to get over her? It's been a couple of weeks and I went on a date last weekend to try and get over it but while I was on the date, all I could think about was her.

Her words just made me realise that I have so many things that I said that I would do but I haven't quite been able to get them done. I've recommitted to those goals and have been trying to get them done, not for her but for myself. I lost momentum on those goals and it's been quite difficult to regain that. Even now, I'm typing this instead of doing the work I need to.

If anyone has any advice at this point, I'll gladly take it.

 

Thanks man, that's the plan. To focus on my own healing and on my goals.

I tried to go out on a date or two but will probably hold off on dating around for a bit while I get back on track. Appreciate you reaching out and hope you are sticking to your NoFap goals. Don't give up, you'll crack the code and break free soon enough. Consistent effort is key. Focus on building the new and not so much on fighting the old. That's what worked for me. Substitute old bad habits with new good ones.

 

I think you may be right that I wouldn't be able to gauge her completely over video chat but I guess it had been a while since I experience such a connection so I guess it felt good until it all came crashing down

I agree that I may have fallen for this "image" that I had of her in my mind but I am grateful to her for bringing me back to earth and grounding me in some way. It's weird because she was the one being more realistic than I was, I was overlooking her flaws and mind you we all have them, it's just whether we are willing to take on the scars and baggage of the other person. I guess she wasn't ready to take on mine and chose to walk away. I understand it.

Appreciate you being frank with me. Wouldn't have it any other way.

 

I may have not met her in person but she's from my city and would eventually come back here after a few months. So it's not like I would never meet her. We video chatted and we've got many friends in common so I definitely know she's not a dude LOL.

And we matched on a dating app because we were looking for similar things, including but not limited to a long term relationship. But I can understand your apprehension about long distance, I vowed to myself that I would never do it again but again there I was, falling for this girl that yes maybe I put her on a pedestal but the fact is that our connection was undeniable and she even agreed with me on that.

It's not that I don't have goals or ambitions, mine were just different from what she was expecting. I can't please everybody and I'm not going to change the direction of my life for somebody I just met a few months ago. Ideally want to find someone who understands what I'm trying to do and is supportive of me no matter what. Not that her affection is conditional on my success or whatever. Then again, I am an idealist so I guess that's just my own expectations of what I think my partner should be like.

Yep I'm working towards my own life goals and I'm certain that the right woman will come into my life at the right time. Even though it has been a few tough weeks, I think I'm on the right track of getting over my ex-gf.

Thank you for your input, I appreciate it.

 

Thanks for chiming in @HiLoNeo : )

Have been exercising regularly and currently reading 'Atomic Habits'. I've been sticking to my daily routine and also to my NoFap goals 110%.

What's really been helping me the most is journalling. So much more clarity of my own thoughts. I do not go back and read my journal though, it's more of an exercise is purging as an act of catharsis. Through that I am able to understand some of the root causes of my past addictive behaviours. Very liberating to finally have clarity and closure.

My theme for this year is to deal with things in a healthier way and journalling is my top recommendation for anybody who is trying to do the same. Longhand journalling, putting pen to paper. There's something different about that as compared to typing. Try it for yourself though, don't take my word for it.