Another bad experience

Just had to come and post something. I have had PIED, I believe, for some years now. Two years ago I was able to get hard enough to have sex although it was always work to get to that point. I took 2 years off to really work on myself and stopped talking to women, quit smoking, quit drinking, joined a boxing gym, and meditated every day for those two years, which I am still continuing this trend. About an hour ago, I tried to have sex with a girl that I have been talking to for two months, and who is super attracted to me. I couldn't even get remotely hard. I can get fully hard with porn, semi hard after some work masturbating alone without porn, but apparently not at all with a girl, who is attractive enough. Please help. I have tried to quit, but havent been able to as I am studying and I spend my whole day in a book, when I need to be in a more physical environment like a workplace. I just had to say something. I feel hopeless. I have noticed that I am able to resist watching porn for about 1 week easily so long as I am masturbating every morning without porn.

 

I have tried to reboot for two years. I have never been successful. I think I can make some external changes to my life in the next few months that will help tremendously. sitting on my bed and studying all day is making it much harder..

 

even masturbation to real girls and abstinence from porn?

 

My first girlfriend 10-11 years ago when I was a senior in highschool, I was able to get hard multiple times per day without any problems ever. that relationship ended poorly with an abortion and me going off to college to do drugs and failing out. Within 2 years I had gone through recovery programs and was with another girl and this was the first time I had experienced ED, although it worked, it was not easy to get, or keep hard and doing so took too much focus that I was really unable to concentrate on the actual sex. My porn use slowly grew worse and worse and so did my ED. I have reversed much of my porn use and compulsive behaviours in the past two years, but still have ED with a real woman, and still frequently relapse on porn once a week or every other week..