My Journey to Happiness and Peace

He did it!!! 180 whole days without PMO! I am so thrilled of the direction that our life is heading. We had his whole family over for in we last night to show them our new house and it went very well.

Tomorrow we will celebrate 9 years together. We had a very rough start to our relationship and I mean VERY rough. Things are going so well now and I am so happy to have him by my side.

We will continue some building when we get home tonight. Haggis is going to make a towel rack/shelf for the master bathroom and I will stain it.

It's amazing that removing this obstacle out of our life has changed literally everything.

Stay strong everyone!

 

Yesterday was not the best- we had a pipe burst and flooded the whole kitchen. Haggis was amazing. He didn't get upset and stayed calm the entire time. He would not have stayed calm if he were still PMOing. I am so proud of him. Me on the other hand, I am not so proud of. I didn't get a whole lot of sleep last night and had to be at work early this morning. I was a raging bitch to him this morning and he did not deserve that AT ALL. He was so sweet too. Ugh, I hate when I'm like this. I apologized and he said he wasn't upset with me- he is a bigger man than me. If he would have treated me the way I treated him, I would not have been as understanding. I have a truly wonderful man. Sorry again Haggis! I'll make it up to you tonight.

 

Freaking awesome weekend. Haggis built a table for our bedroom and a bookshelf for my cookbooks. We ate fantastic food and spent quality time together. We had a lot of sex too- no problems there! We are closer than ever.

Had a pretty girl with a very pretty body come into work today, I didn't even freak out when she walked into his office area! We are both healing and it feels wonderful.

We have plans to cook a quick dinner tonight and then go outside and stain my bookshelf. I am so happy with where this relationship is heading.

Short journal because I'm at work and the boss keeps calling me into her office probably more to come.

 

I'm feeling a little weird about posting here recently because I am not a recovering PMO addict and that is what this place is for. I will still post today because I think I need to.

Everything continues to go well with Haggis and me. We had a funeral yesterday and then went out to lunch with his parents. It was really nice. I had an awful dream last night that Haggis got shot and I have not really felt right since I woke up. I woke up at 4:30 AM and wasn't able to go back to sleep. I stayed in bed until 6:15 and then got up and made Haggis breakfast and made his lunch for him to take to work.

We have a housewarming party tomorrow so I have been cleaning all morning. I am going to prepare dinner before work and we are going to see my grandma after work today.

I have been bitching a lot lately about Haggis playing his computer game. I feel very weird about him on his computer (STILL) and am hoping that goes away soon. When he plays his game he gets engrossed in it and can go hours without saying a word to me. I brought this up yesterday and I think I offended him because he got really quiet. He enjoys playing video games and I need to be supportive of this. The past couple mornings when I have woken up, he has been on his computer (not this morning). This worries me because the morning was always his weakest for PMOing. We have been having sex almost every day for about a week and a half now and he seems much more confident in bed now so I don't know why I am taking the computer time so personally. This is just another thing I need to work on.

Thanks for reading. Stay strong everyone.

 

I made some comments tonight that I decided to delete. I still feel I have the right to feel the way I do but I will no longer be heiring our dirty laundry on NoFap. I am feeling particularly emotional today and perhaps I over reacted. I think I may start journaling in a diary or something. I do not want to start a shit storm with Haggis as he is the one who needs to be here and needs to talk about his stuff, not me. I am sure everything will be better in the morning.

 

I don't feel like myself lately. I am not sleeping well- at all. I'm probably averaging 2-4 hours a night of sleep. I wake up every 20-30 minutes and just can't get comfortable. My back is killing me. I was thinking I may be pregnant but am trying not to get my hopes up as I do every month. This month seems different though. I am depressed and have some signs. I'm not due to start my period until the 6th or 7th so I will have to wait to find out. Please pray for us.